Coping With Abuse: Treating a Sickness to End a Cycle

Abuse is increasing as more people become an innocent prey to its destructive and debilitating cruelty . There are many forms of it, and it can come in various ways that are hidden. Most people believe that physical, sexual and domestic violence are the only forms of abuse, but they are wrong. They do not realize that abuse comes through other subtle and deceptive ways such as neglect, rejection or even hollering at someone. These are things that can build and leave a person scarred and disabled emotionally and mentally, unless it is recognized and treated.

There are those who have been neglected as they were growing up, which caused their lives to be impacted in a life-altering way. Some people do not believe the things they experience as a child will affect them as they grow into an adult but it does. A parent or someone other than the parent may ridicule, demean, criticize, holler at, curse, abandon or reject a person just because of the way he or she looks, the style of hair or clothing, personality, beliefs and the list goes on. Others will try to argue and say that cursing, hollering or neglect is not abuse and do not believe that calling someone a name will affect or scar a person. I know for a fact that it can, because I carried the painful scars from those who were closest to me, as they continually cursed me, told me I was worthless, would never amount to anything, was a nobody, they would rather be dead than to be with me and how sorry I was. Over time, I ended up believing the horrible, vicious and mean things that were said to me, and it changed the way I saw myself as well as others around me. Abuse almost destroyed my life. Regardless of what people may or may not understand, these are emotional, psychological, verbal, spiritual, physical and mental forms of abuse. Each one of these forms of abuse can and will transform a person and his or her life.

In today's society, single moms are increasing at an enormous rate, as it is very uncommon to see a family with both the mother and father in the home. I find this to be disheartening but true. My children and I had become a statistic, as we have come out of an abusive atmosphere and home, ourselves. Everywhere we go we hear of or know someone who is being abused. Whether it is a child or an adult the markings and bruises that are left on the inside of the victim results in fear, shame, condemnation, self-hatred, isolation, depression, insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, humiliation and so much more. No matter what type of abuse a person receives, it will affect his or her relationships negatively, as it did mine. Though, they may not understand or see it right away, sooner or later they will know and feel the destructive pattern of abuse and the effect it has on their lives.

As a person continually lives in the abuse it begins to slowly infect him or her and who he or she is as a person. Abuse will cause the person that lives in these situations to begin to see his or herself through the eyes of the abuser, which is extremely painful. The victims believe the lies that are told to them and are convinced that everything is their fault, and if they had have done something different or better this thing(s) would not have happened. This is a slow and emotional death to someone who is living in and with any form of abuse. Even though the person is removed from the abusive atmosphere, as my children and I were, it is as though he or she is still in it, because he or she is locked in a prison inside his or her own self.

Abandonment is a very slow, cruel and torturous pain to live with, especially when you do not understand why or how to deal or cope with it. When a person has been abandoned by someone he or she loves the victim often blames his or her own self as the reason for the person leaving. This leaves a hole and an emptiness inside the one who has been abandoned and is a horrible and excruciating torment for anyone to have to endure. To know that the parent, spouse or person you have lived with and loved has left you, totally and completely without a warning, notice or a trace from him or her is life altering. Many times this will cause the abused to become isolated from everything and everyone he or she knows.

The lasting effects of abuse on a person are and can be extremely devastating. As a child grows up with this type of lifestyle and abuse many things can or will occur. The child will become co-dependent, which means the abuser, as well as the abuse itself controls every part of his or her life, including the way he or she perceive things. I did not see it, but I was co-dependent and lived beneath the shadow of the abusers and abuse in my life, as it and they took control over me and every part of my life. I believed I was not loved, good enough and just plain worthless. Victims of abuse cannot see past the horrible pain, fear and rejection that grips and taunts them continually. They build up walls around their heart and are not able to trust anyone, even those they are closest to. They continually cry from deep within themselves, but no one seems to hear their cries.

The abused victims become so depressed that they will try many ways and different things to numb the pain, so they can try to forget the haunting memories. Growing up with such abuse, pain and devastation will cause hidden addictions to form that others will not notice, unless they know the signs. As the addictive behavior surfaces, it becomes a way of escape in forms of drug and/or alcohol abuse, pornography, prostitution, self-harm and so much more. Victims will inflict harm on themselves by cutting through self-mutilation and self-poisoning of chemicals like sniffing of paint, glue, hair spray, gas and various other chemicals or substances.

There are many reasons why the victims will harm their own bodies. If they are not helped, the end results can be fatal, because eventually this pattern and behavior can turn into suicide attempts. This is a horrible truth but they have already died inside themselves and feel that the only way to truly escape this pain is by dying. The person doing this to his or her own self denies the affect of abuse on him or her. For a teen-ager that cuts his or her own body as a way of forgetting the pain, people will say that he or she is being rebellious or hanging with the wrong crowd. These children do not comprehend the full affect and impact of abuse on their lives. When they are asked why they do it, they just say they do it because they wanted to do it. Yet, the truth is they believe they are bad and deserve the afflictions.

Abuse is a sickness that must be tended to the same way cancer, diabetes or any other form of sickness needs to be tended to and treated. So many people do not understand this but our emotional health can and will make our physical health deteriorate. This is why it is so detrimental that abused victims recognize the effects of the abuse on their lives and not allow it to progress any further by giving it the medication and attention it needs. Doing so, will begin to empower the abused and enable him or her to begin to heal.

Abuse is generational and is similar to a highly contagious infection or disease that gets into the person's spirit, soul and body as it poisons them. Abuse will spread quickly, not caring about the long lasting, devastating and dangerous effect it will have on the person. When children grow up with abuse they get married and have their own children. Therefore, this repetitious and horrible cycle continues. At that point, it becomes generational and begins to spread throughout the bloodline and anyone it touches.

Forgiveness is the beginning to inner healing that enables the victim to be released from the prison within. This is a very difficult step to take but necessary for the abused victims to be free. A person who has been abused will have to go through many different stages before he or she can forgive, but consider the effect of the abuse on the victim if he or she does not eventually forgive. Forgiveness is not about forgiving the abuser or saying it is okay for what has been done. No, forgiveness is for those who have suffered the abuse, so they can be free from the agonizing pain and shackles of abuse that prevents them from living the life they are meant to live.

Once the victims realize the cruel and vicious impact of abuse on their lives, they will have to make a choice to forgive, so they can be free from the abuser as well as the abuse itself. This is an on-going cycle of abuse that can be stopped by recognizing the need and affect of it on their lives, that the abuse/abuser has been controlling them and make the choice to forgive, so the healing process can begin.