Coping with ADHD and ODD Children

Ever wonder how some parents cope with a child that has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder)? How about a child who has ADHD in conjunction with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) as well? Every day is the same, yet it's something different. You can read about it all day long, but until you experience it, the books mean nothing. Children are not "by the book" no matter who they are. So, experience and first hand experience is the only thing that can truly be of the most help.

We have a child who has ADHD along with ODD. Each day is a trying day in its own right. It's exhausting. There's no other way to explain it. There are so many people who just don't understand it all. Kids with these 2 disorders are high maintenance children. They require a lot of hard work from both the parents as well as themselves. It's a life of trial and error as each child is different.

What may work for one child may not work for another. That goes for everything in life. This can mean discipline, learning, organizing, free time, etc. The list goes on and on. Our ADHD/ODD son is high maintenance. It may seem that he gets more attention, but he honestly doesn't. We spread our time out evenly with our children. It's the things that we do with them that differ. Age is a huge factor in this, but needs are as well.

Our ADHD/ODD son gets more help with ways to organize his room or easier ways for him to understand his schoolwork, or even just to talk about things that happen at school. Our other son, who does not have ADHD or ODD gets help with playing games or cleaning up, or drawing. Many would say the "normal" things. To us, all of our kids are normal. This just makes each of them special in their own right.

Here's another side of the issue. Many use the "my child has ADHD" as an excuse when their child does something wrong. My belief is that our son has to learn as well how to deal with his disorder and that it does not give him the right to break the rules. He's learning. It's taking him a little longer, but he is learning. He had a bad temper problem. So we helped him find other ways to release his anger. He now will take out his anger on his pillow, or draw a calming picture that seems to help him relax. He also is starting to be able to ask to speak privately with either myself or his dad and talk it out. To me, this is major progress.

Then, there is the controversy with school. I won't go into a lot of detail with this, but this in itself is one of the biggest challenges. Not just for our son, but for us with the school system. They wanted to put him in a lot of special classes and take him out of his classroom. We insisted that he not be taken out and although it was tough on him and us, we have all become stronger because of it. It helped our son learn to deal with his ADHD and what he needs to do to keep it controlled more. He did get a little extra help in a couple areas and he did repeat kindergarten. But he is thriving in school and he loves going.

We were told when we made the choice to hold him back by the guidance counselor at school that he would never succeed and it would never make a difference. Now, before some of you get worked up, we went from that meeting to the superintendent's office. Things were taken care of immediately. In our experience, it has helped him immensely and we don't regret one bit of it. He's also not embarrassed at all about as he knows why he was held back and we let him have his input through the situation. It may not be for every child, but without those kindergarten fundamentals, he wasn't able to go forward in first grade.

My goal with this article to help those with ADHD and/or ODD children by realizing they aren't alone in their struggle. Do the best you can - it's not easy. I also want to be able to inform those who have not had the experience of a high maintenance child. Many people are not aware of the challenge it imposes, therefore do not understand the situation these families are in. Have patience and give them the benefit of the doubt instead of judging them.