Coping with Bi-Polar Disorder Type 2

Living with Bi-Polar disorder can be a challenge. As in any chronic illness there are always variables in how it affects each individual person. When we think of someone with multiple sclerosis we may picture them in a wheel chair. In reality the majority of people living with M.S. never become wheel chair bound. In much the same way there are no two people living with bi-polar disorder that have exactly the same symptoms.

A common misconception concerning this disorder is that they overextend themselves with credit cards, have periods of promiscuity or even have split personalities. It is possible for someone in an acute manic phase to run off to Las Vegas and tie the knot with someone they just met. On the other hand I have known people to move in a boyfriend after dating him for three weeks and that person is "normal" if there is such a thing as normal. People living with the condition have to gamble almost everyday of their lives.

I think most of the closets that have been vacated by the gay community now house mentally ill squatters. One of the reasons is the stigma that is attached to having any brain disorder. Most people do not know enough about bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia to feel comfortable renting an apartment to them. It is more common for a violent crime to be committed against someone with these disorders than being perpetrated by them. The media usually showcases a violent crime when committed by a mentally ill person to a great extent.

My closet houses just my clothes now and the secret yarn stash. Okay, maybe I buy yarn impulsively but it's usually on sale and I always pay cash. I live with bi-polar type 2 and I live well! Educating people and trying to remove some of the unfounded beliefs about this condition is part of my life's mission. I have had episodes of rapid cycling on occasion. The feeling of rapid cycling is very intense emotion and it is a mix of high and low mood that vacillates quickly for no apparent reason. When this has happened to me in the past it is usually in response to a very stressful life event. It can occur when someone I love passes away or gets very ill. It can occur around the holidays when there is so much to do and I don't get enough sleep.

I have come to identify the feeling or precursor to a rapid cycle. Usually I develop insomnia for a few nights. My sleepiness doesn't set in for two to three hours later than usual. Also, my thoughts start to adopt a ruminating pattern. Old hurts from the past flood in and I can't stop them. The original sadness or pain floods back like it happened yesterday. To counter this I try to get busy. I start projects and then don't finish them. The vacuum cleaner can be left out in the middle of a floor that is halfway vacuumed. The sink can be filled with soap suds and half cleaned dishes. Laundry can be in baskets some folded but not put away. The disorder of my mind spills over into my house which causes further anxiety.

Even on a mood stabilizer I have to protect myself from episodes. Sleep is super important and staying up really late for a party will mean a few off days for sure. I have to weigh each event on the merit of it's importance. My family has been on board with this for a long while now. My husband used to say, "hey, are you going off the deep end"? If I wasn't at the time that question used to surely send me there. He had to learn how to talk to me when I wasn't feeling well. When he notices that I am staying up too late now he will ask me if I am experiencing insomnia. Much better way to communicate concern when you are trying to help someone with a mood disorder. I can tell him now when I am feeling off and he pitches in more than usual around the house. Sometimes, out of frustration I'll say, "everythings undone and I can't stand it anymore". Usually he will look around and tell me the house really isn't that bad but if I tell him what to do he will help me. So, I get him toting laundry or vacuuming dog hair and then I can sit on the couch at night and not feel overwhelmed.

For me when the house is getting really messy it is an indication of my mind getting messy. Intruding thoughts can be very disconcerting. Negative self talk can be defeating. When a mood disorder makes your thought life unmanageable that's when all hell breaks loose. Common intruding thoughts that are troublesome most often begin with, "this is always(fill in the blank), nothing is ever going to change, I hate my life, why am I always trying when nothing works, why do I bother? This is called catastrophic thinking. When I find my thoughts going in the vein I stop and take a breath. I mentally counter it with a positive one. Years ago I remember my dad had a book on his shelf called, "I'm Ok, You're OK"! I love saying that out loud because it brings back happy memories and it basically is true. We all are pretty okay. Everyone has stuff to deal with. Bi-Polar type 2 is just some of my stuff. I can deal with it because I have support. I have a great family and good doctor that really listens to me.

If I find myself spiraling into a depression I don't have to go through the pain of hiding it. Hiding depression is the worst part of depression. It takes a huge amount of energy to try and fake it. My support people are in place and I can tell them I am in trouble. There is no condemnation, no judgements, just a consensus of the minds figuring out how to tweak my medication to even me out again. Not to say tweaking meds is a picnic. It sure isn't one. Last year I had my thyroid removed due to thyroid cancer. Taking the thyroid out of a person with bi- polar disorder is not good. We have been tweaking my meds ever since but I know that even though yesterday I was in the fetal position crying on the bathroom floor eventually I will be alright again. Don't ask me why the bathroom floor is my favorite place to curl up on. I mean we do own beds! There is something about the cold tile. It makes me feel another sensation outside my body for awhile and it distracts me from the mind junk. Temporary fix and a bit odd but whatever works is my motto.

Hopefully, if you or anyone you know has bi-polar disorder this article encourages you to take heart. Maybe even to take action and gain control over your life again. No one is a victim of an illness unless you allow yourself to be. If you are still in the closet I invite you to come out. Educate people around you as much as you can. We are a smart and talented group. You should see the stuff I can knit on a mini mania. Colors seem different to me when I am on an upswing. Alas, staying on an even keel is healthier so I have come to let the mini manias go for my own good. It only makes sense that what goes up eventually comes down. Down is not so good. There are no colors in down mode only black and grey. For now, I am in a cycling period off and on with spans of some even mood since my surgery. We'll get it right again with the medication in time of that I am sure. I will be okay and you will be too.