Coping with the Birth of a Premature Infant

As a mental health therapist, I counseled clients on my caseload who were struggling with infertility, who experienced miscarriages, and who gave birth to premature infants. These men and women often thanked me for "being a shoulder to cry' and for "giving sound advice". Therefore, I was fairly confident that my years of education in child development and human behavior could see me through any personal crisis I may experience when I began my own family. Anything I did not have knowledge about, I was sure would be covered in parenting classes.

After a battle with infertility and going through several miscarriages, I finally became pregnant. While, my husband and I were thrilled to be having a baby, no one had prepared us for what would happen if the baby came early.

After dreaming of the perfect birth, and even writing out my "birthing plan" I contracted preeclamsia and my daughter was born eight weeks early via an emergency Cesarean section. Suddenly, everything I had planned for was gone.

As I stayed in the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) with my daughter, waiting for her to be ready to come home, I learned a few things about the special job of parents of a premature baby. Below, are things are learned, which I feel maybe helpful for parents who find themselves unexpectedly coping with the premature birth of a baby:

It is challenging to have a premature baby. You may grieve the loss of the birth experience you planned for and you may feel anxious or even guilty about the premature birth. Talk to people about these feelings.

Premature babies often have many health issues. Learn all you can about your baby's condition. If you do not understand what doctor's and nurses tell - ask them to repeat it until you do understand. (This does not mean you are "stupid"!

Medical professionals have ethical obligations to be sure their patients and patient's guardians have a complete understanding of what is going on.) Read all the information you can find, in regards to your baby's situation - ask questions and listen to answers from medical professionals. Remember no question is "dumb"!

Let yourself rest. It is physically and emotionally draining to be in a NICU and to care for a premature baby. The birth process may have been difficult for the mother - so be sure she has time to rest and heal.

Know you resources - listen to hospital staff when they discuss resources which may be available to you. If you are given help from family and friends - accept it!

Having people around to help does not mean you "cannot do it" or that you are "weak".

Premature babies are a great deal of work and you can only do so much before you become fatigued. Having help ensures you get the rest you need to be the best parent you can be and that the baby receives the best care possible.

Love your child - As soon as you can, touch and hold your baby.

Read and sing to your baby, even if they are in an isolette/incubator. Become as active as you can in caring for your child, even while he or she is hospitalized. All of these things will help you and your child bond and make your relationship stronger.