Coping with Child on Child Sexual Abuse

Child on child sexual abuse has become more and more prevalent. It isn't known whether it is actually occurring more often, or if it is just being reported more. What is known, is that more and more children and their families are having to cope with child on child sexual abuse.

Finding out that your child has been sexually abused is a heart-breaking thing, no matter who the offender is. When my 6 year-old daughter told me that she had been molested, I went through so many different feelings that it was hard to control them all. I was shocked, angry, sad, worried about her, and I felt guilty because as parents we feel like we should always be able to protect our kids.

After I got my emotions back under a bit of control, I had to decide what steps that I needed to take in order to make sure this never happened to my daughter again. I also had to do everything in my power to make sure that this person did not do this to any other children.

You see, my daughter's sexual abuser was not a dirty old man or even a registered sex-offender, he was a 14 year-old boy. This 14 year-old boy had been living in the same house with my daughter's father for over 4 years. No one knew that for 2 or 3 years he had been waking her up at night to do these horrible things to her.

Step #1 to Coping with Child on Child Sexual Abuse
Believe your child! This is very important because too many parents want to think that their child is just making it up. Whether they saw something on TV or heard something at school that caused them to say things like this, you need to believe them. If it is not true that will come out in time.

A child's best advocate is their parent and if you don't show that you trust them, they won't ever feel comfortable telling you important things again. You can't stop bad things from happening when you don't know about them. But after you find out, your child will expect you to take the necessary steps to protect them.

Step #2 to Coping with Child on Child Sexual Abuse
Report it! You can call the police or go to your local emergency room. At the emergency room, after you explain why you are there, the staff should contact the authorities.

Take the time to explain to your child that they are going to need to be examined. The examinations won't be fun, that are a necessary part of the investigation that the authorities will be doing. There will be investigators questioning you and your child. They questioned my daughter at a child advocacy center that was equipped with staff and other things that will make it easier for the child.

Step #3 to Coping with Child on Child Sexual Abuse
Start the proceedings for any other legal action that will need to be taken to protect the sexually abused child. In my case, I had to file an emergency petition with the court to keep her father from being able to have his visitation. I was not allowed to tell him what was going on because they didn't want him, the boy's mother, or the boy tipped off about the investigation.

Step #4 to Coping with Child on Child Sexual Abuse
Get your child in to see a counselor. This will help the child and the family. My daughter's counselor gave me tips on how to deal with things that my daughter might go through over time. They also helped prepare my daughter for any court proceedings that she might have to be involved in.

Step #5 to Coping with Child on Child Sexual Abuse
Have realistic expectations! The sexual abuser is a child, it's not realistic to expect them to go to jail for 15 or 20 years. Sexual abuse cases are hard to prove and the punishment will depend on the evidence and the age of the sexual offender.

My main goal was for the boy to get the help that he needed. He confessed and still only ended up spending about a year in juvenile detention for what he done to my daughter. But I know that I did what I could to protect my daughter and any others that he might have sexually abused in the future.

Step #6 to Coping with Child on Child Sexual Abuse
Be there to listen! Don't pressure your child to talk about the sexual abuse, but let them know that you are there to listen whenever they need you.

Child on Child Sexual Abuse Statistics
According to child-abuse-effects.com, approximately 20% of all people charged with a sexual offense in North America are juveniles. The National Juvenile Justice Network states that approximately 40
to 80% of juvenile sex offenders have been sexually abused as children and 25-50% have been physically abused.

Talk to Your Children about Good and Bad Touching
Explain what good and bad touching is to your child. Let them know that if anyone, even another child, touches them in a bad way that they need to tell you.

This has been a terrible experience for my family, but my daughter is now a teenager and doing fine. She is my hero and has taught me that bad things happen but life goes on. It's not always easy but you can put the past behind you!

Sources:

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

Child Abuse Effects

National Juvenile Justice Network