Coping with COPD as a Family Requires Talk and Action

The changes that COPD brings may magnify or change existing family roles, making life with loved ones less predictable for a while. Some families may even have to grieve the loss of certain dreams or hopes before they can move on and find a new way to live well together. Here are some real concerns that people with COPD have expressed about the impact of their illness on their family relationships and suggestions for actions to take.

CONCERN: My family will talk about anything except my illness.

Loved ones naturally have fears and concerns about your welfare... And about how your illness will affect the family or your friendship. There may even be some anger and frustration about having to deal with the realities of living and loving with a chronic illness. People close to you may not want to burden you with their feelings, but it can be so freeing to get things out in the open. If you feel comfortable, ask your loved ones to tell you honestly what she or he is thinking and feeling.

Ask my loved one:

¨ Sometimes I get mad at myself that I might have brought this illness on myself. I wonder if you feel the same thing. I'd like to talk about it.

¨ You've been pretty quiet about what all this COPD business means to you. What's your biggest concern right now?

¨ You know, I'm pretty frustrated that I have this illness. I bet you are, too. What's on your mind?

Strategies:

¨ Loved ones may benefit from getting more information about COPD.

¨ Invite loved ones to go with you to a COPD support group where they can listen to others and talk if they are ready.

¨ If talking openly with your loved one seems impossible, consider meeting with a nurse or counselor.

CONCERN: I can't do the things I once did and I feel alone.

It's not uncommon to feel alone and out of the mainstream of life when you have a serious illness. You may feel cut off from the person you once were, and the activities you once enjoyed. Your friends and family members might feel the same kind of disconnect from the life they knew.

It may help to think of your illness as a new family member, one with certain needs to which everyone must adjust.

Select from the questions listed here or use them as ideas on opening this discussion.

Ask my loved ones:

¨ How does it feel to have this demanding new illness in the family?

¨ What would help keep the demands of the illness to a minimum? Share the activities you can no longer do and the things you can still do.

¨ What are three things each person in the family can do to take care of the illness?

¨ Is anyone feeling stuck with a chore or task? Let's renegotiate and share the care!