Coping with Family Problems

When two dependent, aging parents come to you and wanted help and need all the love you can give! Added to that, your son too has a problem - he had been retrenched from work and is now requesting you to take him in, until he can get back to his feet again- What would you do? These were my problems then.

If you are in the same predicament, how could you cope up with all of these? It might seem like an insurmountable problem at first, but a problem is never too big than its "thinker". If you think the problem is "big", then it is; however, if you think it is "small", then it is.

It is similar with the cliché, "You are what you think you are," or "If you think you can, and then you can!"

So what did I do to surmount these odds?

First thing I did was to assess the situation and evaluate my capability of "solving" the problem without outside help. I wrote down the pros and cons of three problems coping up with menopausal syndromes, helping my aging parents, and extending my warmest hospitality to my son.

Writing them down with pen and paper had crystallized the situation and made them appear more solvable, and not really daunting. For one I found out that my problem and my parent's problem need outside help, as they were health problems while my son's has a solution already as I have one room available in my apartment.

Second, I wrote down all the possible solutions to these problems. The health problems have been solved partially because both of my parents had health insurances. This would be a big help in their regular check-ups with the doctor. The rest, I will just have to defray or to ask my siblings for some help.

Third is act upon the solutions you've written. I have thought of and written a small business venture for my daughter-in-law and had implemented it and it is now going smoothly. It is a cell card business which needed only a little capital and a good earning rate. At the same time, she does not have to go out of the house because she uses her cell phone to transact business. She also sells some goodies at the side.

It was not a big booming business but at least we were surviving. And to top this all, I was extremely happy having my ebullient and precocious granddaughter with me who would make me laugh after a hard day's work at the office.

One problem I had to deal with concerning my aging parents was their extra sensitiveness. Understanding and love is what aging parents need. At this point of their lives, they feel useless and it's important that children should make them feel loved and well taken cared of.

From this experience, I have established three basic rules in dealing with aging parents:

First, don't mention any topic about finances in front of them. Since they no longer "earn" money, it is tantamount to saying: "Here are the bills but you can't help in paying them." They also become extra-sensitive to discussions or topics about money matters. They feel that these are snide remarks to let them know that they are a burden because they add to the expenses incurred by the household. Be careful therefore, of what to say. Choose your words cautiously when discussing finances in front of them.

Second, think of yourself 20 yrs. after. How do you want yourself treated? Treat them the way you want yourself treated when you would be in their shoes. I remember one story about a man who didn't allow his aging parent to eat with them but gave him instead a separate plate in one corner of the room. His son saw this and asked: "Papa, could you use that same bowl too that grandfather eats in now?" Show your children how you want treated by demonstrating to them the loving concern you have for your aging parents. They would surely remember your good example.

Third, treat them well because this is the twilight phase of their lives. In a few years, they'll be gone. They have devoted their younger years taking good care of you, now it's your turn to show your love and gratitude.

Love is all aging parents and adult dependent sons need from their relatives and people around them. For those tasked to take care of them, they should be happy that finally they're given the chance to show their love to the family that has supported them all the way. Each problem has its own solution - that is why it is called a problem! And in these instances- Love - in practical ways - was the solution to my problems.