Coping with Loss on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day, like most holidays, can be a very difficult time for people that have recently lost a loved one. Even just seeing the usual television commercials portraying happy couples or a frantic spouse trying to find that perfect last-minute gift at the local discount store can trigger overwhelming feelings of loss, loneliness, and grief.

If you have recently lost a loved one, chances are you don't need to know this. You have already experienced the Valentine's Day Blues in one form or another. Here are some ideas to help you cope with Valentine's Day.

1. Give yourself permission to set limits. For example, if you can't bear the thought of going out without your loved one on Valentine's Day, it truly is acceptable to say "No thanks" when your friends are trying to drag you out to a party. If the party is usually at your place, you could ask someone else to host, but offer to help with clean up the next day.

2. Brighten up your home and workplace with fresh flowers. Take advantage of the availability of multitudes of fresh flowers on the cheap. The fragrance and color are cheering and will help stave off the Valentine's Day Blues.

3. Be good to yourself. Do something you have been wanting to do for a while. Go buy those Italian shoes. See that movie. Try out that new restaurant. If you find doing things alone on Valentine's Day too depressing, invite a group of friends or family to go along.

4. Use the day to help others. Take the day off from work and spend the day volunteering at your local nursing home, hospital, homeless shelter, or humane society. There are few things that will lift your spirits more effectively than helping those less fortunate than yourself.

5. Lean on your support. Don't pretend everything is fine if it isn't, and don't isolate yourself from friends and family. Those who love you want to help. Give them a chance to do so.

Friends and family of people that have lost a loved one often have no idea what to say or do to help. They fear causing more pain by saying or doing the wrong thing. Frankly, the worst thing you can do or say is nothing. Here are some simple things you can do to help your friend or family member cope with Valentine's Day.

1. Pick up the phone. You might share a funny or touching story about their loved one as a child, or just let them know you are thinking of them. Simply talking to someone who cares can make the day much more bearable.

2. Share the love. Send your friend a Valentine's Day bouquet and include a card stating something like "I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and remembering your Joe today." If flowers aren't their thing, you might send a donation to their favorite charity in memory of their lost loved one.

3. Just ask. If you normally go out as a pair or group of couples to parties or dinner, don't be afraid to ask your friend to come along. Even if they do not want to go, they will know you haven't forgotten them.

4. Avoid pushing. If your friend does not want to join your yearly Valentine's Day dinner, outing, or party, let them know that you will miss them, but drop the subject.

Coping with loss on Valentine's Day can be difficult, but there are things you can do to help make the day more bearable. Caring for yourself, caring about others, and especially the love of caring friends and family can make all the difference in the world.