Coping with Military Deployment

Thousands of soldiers deploy to foreign destinations every month from every branch of the military, some to Iraq, some to Afghanistan, Korea and other reaches of the globe. No matter where they go, military spouses and other family members are left behind to wonder and worry until the day they return home. Separation is never easy, but planning ahead for your soldier's deployment can alleviate some concerns.

Citizens, family members, and friends offer support for our troops, but sometimes we don't think about those left behind; the spouses, children, siblings and parents of those very same troops.

Running a family is difficult enough without the added strain and worries that comes with deployment issues, but there are ways that military dependents can cope. Following are just a few suggestions that may help ease the stress when facing so many unknowns.

Before they go:

Start preparing for the separation as soon as you find out that your loved one may be deployed. Discuss arrangements for taking care of elderly parents or the needs of children first. Work out financial and legal details as well, including health care benefits and concerns. Make sure that bank accounts are accessible to spouses or other loved ones who will be providing care to dependents while your soldier is away. Make sure wills and estate documents are completed and in order.

Make sure adequate contact information is supplied about how to get messages to your loved one in case of an emergency.

Try to arrange contact details before your loved one leaves. Will you email, text message, call, write? After your loved one has reached his or her duty base, they will be able to tell you in more detail the best times to try to reach them.

Make plans to join in group activities or classes to help alleviate loneliness and anxiety. While it's understandable to want to stay cooped up and withdraw, fight the urge to do so and make sure you have outside contact with family and friends. Support groups are filled with people who feel just the same as you do, so don't be afraid to contact them. Online support groups are at your fingertips, so make use of them if you don't feel up to upfront and personal encounters right away.

Before your spouse or loved one leaves, make sure to spend some alone time with them. While siblings and parents need and deserve time with their soldier too, a spouse needs a little extra TLC. Family members can offer their show of support by understanding this and ensuring couples have this valuable time together.

After they've gone:

Many wives and girlfriends regularly send pictures to their deployed soldiers in an effort to keep them current with 'life back home'. Care packages filled with newspaper articles, notes from family and friends, CD's and anything else you know your soldier enjoys is an added bonus to edible treats.

Long letters are nice, but soldiers have said that frequent postcards and short notes sent from home are just as enjoyable to receive as pages-long letters. Keeping the soldier aware of what's happening at home goes a long way to alleviating their stress and worry. Any effort family and friends make to stay in almost constant contact is appreciated by soldiers. On the flip side, don't grow frustrated if you don't receive as many letters or cards from your soldier as you're sending them. It doesn't mean they're not thinking of you. It just means they're busy doing their job.

Try to keep your communications as honest and open as possible. Don't needlessly worry your soldier by reporting things that may cause them undue stress or worry, but don't avoid answering their questions or concerns, either.

Don't forget to encourage children to write also. Drawings, scribbles and photographs are as good as gold.

Put a map on the wall, so when children ask where Mommy or Daddy is, you can show them. Explain to them what your soldier is doing and give them as much information as you can to help ease their fears and concerns as well.

Coping with Absence:

It's natural to feel depressed, confused, and even angry when notified of the impending deployment of a loved one. The key is to express your feelings and talk to your soldier about how you feel. They are probably feeling the same way. Do your best however, not to make them feel guilty over something they have no control over. Support them.

Be prepared for an adjustment period and wavering emotions. The most important thing is to communicate with family and friends, expressing your feelings and fears so that you don't feel so alone.

While you are temporarily living a 'single' lifestyle, always try to stay grounded and look forward to the return of your soldier. Try not to get too set in your ways and habits, so that when your loved one returns, the adjustment of having another person living in 'your space' doesn't overwhelm you.

Discuss experiences and fears with your soldier and involve them, when possible, in decisions regarding finances, childcare and other household or family concerns so that they feel as if they are truly a part of the decision making process.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Allow yourself a little time to feel sorry for yourself, but then pick yourself up and get back to the business of living. Go to the gym every day. Eat healthy. Get enough sleep. Communicate with your loved one as often as possible, even if it's just writing a brief paragraph or two for a weekly letter to be sent overseas.

Deployment is difficult, but in trying to anticipate, both soldiers and loved ones are better prepared to meet and face the separation. Each person will handle the separation differently, but being informed is the best way to deal with the gauntlet of feelings and concerns that face everyone involved.

The U.S. Army offers an Army Information Line for Deployment questions and concerns at 1-800-833-6622.

Military One Spouse offers 27/7 Family Support at 1-800-342-9647. You may also visit their .com website.

The Military Spouse Support Network at their .net website can be accessed for additional information and support information.

Military.com also offers support, forums and information to a multitude of issues involving deployment and family support issues.