Coping When an Online Predator Victimizes Your Child

The Internet has changed both the world and parenting. Many parents struggle with allowing their children to use the Internet while keeping them safe from Internet predators. As a former advocate on a rape crisis line, I encountered many situations in which children had been victimized by Internet predators. Sometimes I would speak and offer support directly to the victims themselves, but more often, it was the parents who called the crisis line.

As a parent, it can be very distressing to learn that your child has been victimized by an Internet predator. If you have learned that your child has been the victim of an Internet predator, here are some things you can do to cope with the situation.

First, don't blame yourself. It's understandable that you want to protect your child from everything. But unfortunately, it's not always possible to do so. You are a human being, not a super hero. All you can do is try your best. Even if you constantly monitor your child, ask where they are, and talk with them about the dangers of Internet predators, your child could still fall victim to an Internet predator. There are many children who fall victim to Internet predators even with very responsible and involved parents. It is not your fault that this happened to your child.

Don't blame your child. After a child has been victimized by an Internet predator, they will most likely feel a full range of emotions, including fear, confusion, and guilt. It is important to realize that what happened to your child is not their fault, and to tell them so. Many victims blame themselves and have a hard time coping with their guilt and self-blame. Make sure that you don't do anything to make them feel that they are to blame for what happened to them. Support your child and offer them empathy. Be willing to listen without judging their actions. If you get angry and yell at your child, they may be afraid to talk to you in the future. Providing a positive support system will give your child necessary comfort and support.

Avoid getting angry in front of your child. It is normal to feel very angry at the predator who did this to your child. Anger is a natural reaction, and it is understandable that you feel angry at someone who hurt your child. Many parents and family members of victims feel very angry and are open about their anger; some even express violent thoughts toward the perpetrator. Often, this will only make the victim feel worse. If the victim is blaming themselves, they may feel that your rage is their fault, even if it is directed at the perpetrator and not at them. The most important thing you can do is to provide support and love for your child. If you're angry, it's okay, but try to vent your anger to someone other than your child.

Understand the difficulty of any legal proceedings. Many parents want to see the predator that victimized their children punished by the legal system. Please realize that if your child has to testify against this person in court, it will be a very difficult and emotional experience for them. Testifying in court will not only force your child to relive the experience again, but your child will be subject to public attack by the defense. Many parents are shocked by the lengths defense attorneys will go to in defending their clients, but it is their job to do so, and many will not consider the fact that they are dealing with a child victim when they are conducting their case. Your child will have to work with the prosecution to decide whether testifying is appropriate. Please realize that the prosecution is here to help. You can talk to the prosecution about your concerns.

Reach out for help if you need it. If you need someone to talk to, please realize that there are many programs for victims of sexual assault. These programs not only provide advocates for victims of sexual assault, but also for family members struggling with their loved one's assault. Consult your local yellow pages to see if there is a nearby rape crisis line that you can call. The advocates who work on these crisis lines are specially trained to speak with victims of sexual assault and their friends and families. They will be more than willing to listen and provide support without passing judgment. Calls are anonymous. Some crisis lines also offer in-person support for victims in court and during medical exams.

Don't force your child to talk about it. Talking about traumatic events can sometimes make victims feel better, but only if they are ready to talk. If your child is reluctant or scared to talk about the situation, don't pressure them or get angry. Tell them that you are there for them when they are ready to talk and that you support them. When your child is ready to talk about it, they will know that you are there. Don't feel bad if your child does not want to talk about the situation right away, many victims feel uncomfortable talking about the situation even with close friends and family. As time goes on, they may be more willing to talk about it. Sharing what happened can be very scary and uncomfortable for victims, and it is natural for victims to feel uncomfortable talking about what happened.

If your child does want to talk about it, listen to them. The most important thing to do when your child approaches you to talk about what happened is simply to listen to them. Do not judge them or interrupt them with comments about what happened. Do not make statements that blame them for anything that happened. The best thing to do is listen to them, empathize with them, and let them know that they have your support. You probably will not have to do much talking. The most important thing is to listen to your child.