Coping with the Onset of Puberty

The intensely imaginative and creative state that most children live in inevitably gives way, during their teen years, to a whirlwind of hormonal and emotional changes. This transition from childhood to adulthood - it may not be an exaggeration to call it a metamorphosis - can cause a lot of confusion and even distress in young people. They are not only coping with how their bodies are beginning to look and feel different, they are also (because this is the height of their socialization period) constantly judging how their own changes compare to those of their peers. To make matters worse, they are beginning to feel their first urges for independence and so will often resist the attempts that we, their parents, make to try and comfort them.

Regardless of their apathy, we should offer what insights and guidance we can. One-on-one communication between fathers and sons and mothers and daughters can be especially crucial. If handled in a sensitive way, we can turn this tumultuous time into an opportunity to bond with our children in a deeper way than we've ever been able to before.

Fathers can offer comfort to their sons because they are already modeling the end result of many of the changes that happen in puberty. A boy who's a little disconcerted by the way his voice comes out shrill, then squeaky, then suddenly deep, can take heart in knowing that his vocal cords are reshaping so that he'll soon be sounding more like the older man. All those razors and shaving cream and aftershave in the cabinet, which he's wondered about for so long, suddenly make a lot more sense when he grows his first fuzz of facial hair.

Mothers can also effectively model for their teenage daughters, and make it a wonderful bonding experience. A big part of puberty for girls is the beginning of menstruation. Though the idea of passing blood from their bodies can be unpleasant or even frightening, a mother who shares her own experience can make it feel like a normal and natural part of being a woman. Breast development offers another opportunity for a one-on-one between mothers and daughters.

Even if they accept the changes that they're going through as natural, teenagers can still torment themselves by comparing their "progress" with that of their peers. They can worry about staring early, or late, with their periods, with growing bodily hair, and with experiencing growth spurts and developing voice boxes. All we can really tell them is that everyone's body matures at its own rate. And if most of the girls in the class are a head taller than the boys...well, everything will even out sooner or later.

There's probably no way to spare a young adult from all the growing pains of puberty. The best thing that we, as mothers and fathers, can do is share our own experiences, listen when they need us to, and give them space when they need that instead. Inevitably, because they have their own lives to live, there will be certain lessons that they must learn on their own.