Coping with Pregnancy Symptoms the Second Time Around

As a first-time mom, you probably had a great deal of excited, eager helpers, and lots of people telling you to put up your feet, take a load off, relax, take care of yourself. While you may have felt some guilt at napping in the middle of the day, or giving in to your cravings, at least that guilt was limited to yourself.

However, when you get pregnant again, your previously eager, concerned helpers may take an attitude of "Oh, they've been at it again" and figure you've got motherhood down pat and don't need them anymore. Where does that leave you? Probably tired, lonely, and more guilt ridden than you could possibly have imagined, as you try to cope with morning sickness and potty accidents at the same time.

Here are some hints from a mother on the third round, who's been there, and done that.

Get Rid of the Guilt
American mother's must be the guiltiest mom's on earth, if you go by parenting magazines and word on the street. We're expected to be super moms, have it all, do it all, and do it perfectly. If you're going to survive a subsequent pregnancy and stay sane (the preferable state of being!), you're going to have to stop beating yourself up. There are things worth feeling guilty about (selfishness) and things to which you shouldn't give a second thought (survival). Unless you're a really, really lucky woman, the exhaustion of your first trimester will be compounded proportionate to the number of young children you already have. In that case, consider your day well spent if you and your children aren't hungry, naked, or filthy by evening.

Don't get involved in big educational projects that you'll have to interrupt often to dash to the bathroom for a good vomit. Don't think your children will wither away and die if they don't get a huge variety of food - if they only ever want PB&J for lunch with a side of carrot sticks, let them have it! If you can't stand even the thought of cooking, try feeding your family on salads and cold-cut sandwiches for a few weeks. There'll be no harm done. If you've planned your pregnancy, also plan to not have your other children in a gazillion activities during the week for that first trimester. Nobody will suffer if your only outings are trips to the park where the kids can blow of steam and you can collapse onto a nice comfy bench. In fact, your whole family may benefit from a few months of a schedule that's not so insanely packed that you can't remember whether you're coming or going.

In other words, if you can only get the basics done, and that on a good day, DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

Put That Kid Down, And Put Her To "Work"
Now's a great time to let your toddler learn a little independence. There's no reason for you to be toting around your 30-pound chunker everywhere you go, adorable as he may be. If your child can walk, let him, even if it means your total traveling time is increased by a large margin. Let her climb the stairs, or the hill at the park. Let him climb into his car seat. Let him put a little effort into things, and reduce your load.

Beyond independence, allowing your child the opportunity to have responsibility and "a job" within the family will bless her little heart (and eventually, in the distant future, mean an easier job for you). The object is not actually to have your toddler working, but to plant the seed of the love of a job well done. When all you're able to do are the basics, letting your child help you is a great opportunity to connect and have a little fun. Even a one-year-old can learn to put toys back in their places, and if mommy makes it a game, baby will want to clean up! A two year old can carry non-breakable dishes to the table (keep the dishes and flatware in a drawer or cupboard that a toddler can reach) and carry them to the sink after a meal. A child of any age can fold washcloths and dishtowels while you fold the bigger stuff. You might even give your child a small basket full of clean cloths to carry while you carry the bigger basket. You'll be amazed at how seriously a small child will take his "job" and how much delight she will take in it-if you give her the opportunity.

Take Care of Yourself
Generally, I find that phrase laughable. How does a busy mom of two take care of herself through yet another pregnancy when she hardly has a moment free to use the toilet? We can't afford a spa or a gym membership or a weekly trip to the mall. Chocolate in large quantities isn't actually good for me. Sleeping through the night is a joke. So what's a mom to do?

Once again, we're back to the basics. Taking care of yourself in this pregnancy may mean sticking in a kids movie and crashing on the couch while your children watch it. It may mean keeping a good supply of things that sooth your tummy and boost your energy in the kitchen. It may mean indulging the occasional craving. It may mean getting past your pride and asking someone to watch your children so you can get a 30 minute nap, or better yet, asking your husband to take them to the park for an hour or two.

Taking care of yourself means forcing yourself to take a hot bath or at least a refreshing shower when you start to feel grungy, because you'll feel so much better afterward. It means not getting up at 5 am to scrub your floors while the children are still asleep. It means sitting down when you're tired, lying down when you're exhausted, and sometimes it will mean telling your children "No, I can't do that right now". It means eating half-decent food so you don't give yourself sugar highs and crashes or put on 20 pounds before you're 20 weeks along. It means getting fresh air and taking regular walks to keep your body strong and prepared for labor. It means seeing your caregiver regularly even if you have to take your other children along with you.

You can survive another pregnancy, and you will. What you do with your expectations of yourself will make a big difference in whether you end up enjoying any part of the pregnancy, however. So, put yourself in survival mode so that the energy you do have can be spent on the important things, like loving on your family, and of course, taking care of yourself!