Coping with a Tragedy: Comparing My Story with Stephen Curtis Chapman's

Although this is not a story identical to the tragedy suffered by the Stephen Curtis Chapman family, it is somewhat similar in that a child was lost and another had to live with the guilt of being left behind.

How do you cope with such a tragedy? There is no answer for this question. On a beautiful sunny Sunday in mid March of 1993, after going to Mass, my son teenage son said that he wanted to go to the lake with a group of friends. This particular weekend there was an event called "Trade Days" going on at this lake. I was against this outing because I feared that the boys would get into things they shouldn't. I knew that beer was going to be sold along with other eats and drinks (refreshments). I voiced my objections but he left and headed out to the lake anyway.

After lunch, our family and my mom went out the the lake to walk around and look at the wares of the "traders" that were setup there. While walking around, we ran into our son and his friends. They came over and sat at a picnic table where we were. They jabbered on about the things they were doing and so on. It seems that they had been having some fun in the playing around in the water. I begged my son to come home with us. I had a very eerie feeling and I was getting very jittery talking with him. When he refused to come home with us, I pleaded with him to stay away from the alcohol that was being sold there. He laughed and said that he was to young to buy the beer, so I didn't have to worry about him.

We left the lake and went home. I couldn't rid myself of the eerie feeling and the jitters that I had. The warm afternoon sun was fading and it wouldn't be long before it would be dark. I hadn't heard from my son and I was beginning to express my worries to my husband. He tried to assure me that the kid would be home soon. Just after the sky had lost all of its light and darkness was upon us, the phone rang. I believe that I froze in my place. I couldn't reach for the phone. My daughter answered in her room.

She came to the den where I was sitting and handed me the telephone. She said, "Here mom, it is one of James' friends." My heart stopped beating, I couldn't move. I was stricken with fear and I slowly raised the phone to my ear and said hello. The voice on the other end of the phone was shaken. The young man said, "Mrs. Y. I just wanted to tell you that R.... and James were in an accident and I'm here with R at the hospital. They took your son to the other hospital and we don't know how he is". I dropped the phone and yelled at my husband that we had to get to the hospital. We ran out of the house and sped off to the hospital. When we arrived at the Emergency Room we were not met with good news.

The doctors and nurses were hastily working on our son. When one of the nurses could step outside she told us that he had some really bad injuries. His lungs had collapsed and the doctors were going to take him into surgery to fix that problem. They allowed us inside the ER for a moment to see him. He did not look like my child. His face was swollen and bandages covered him. When he realized we were there, the first words he uttered were: "I was not drinking." Oh, what a lie! But, thank God he was alive.

Our son was in surgery when a few of the "guys" from the lake came into the waiting room to see us. They were inquiring about our son's injuries. They told us that R... didn't make it. He had died in the ER at the other hospital. "Oh my God", I cried out. "Please watch over my son and keep him here with us."

Things were very touch n go for four days. Although we lived less than three miles from the hospital, we could not make ourselves leave. We sat in the ICU waiting room all this time until he finally was moved from ICU and put into a patient room.

God saved our son but our hearts sobbed for the parents of R...., he was their only child. This was a tragedy for them. R's parents came up to check on our son but we couldn't pull ourselves away from his side to go to their son's funeral. Our other children went for us.

My son went through some major bouts of depression. He found it very hard to live with himself knowing that his friend had died. What could he do to help R's parents??? After he was released from the hospital, he was taken to visit them but that just proved to be harder on him. He knew that his visit had upset the other boy's mom. She couldn't hide her feelings from him.

Sometimes you just wonder, "Why, God? Why did this happen?" For us, we knew found out that the boys could not buy beer at the lake that day, but went into a store near the lake and purchased themselves all they wanted. They went back to the lake and drank and played around. My son admitted to me many months later that he had been drinking before he ran into us at the lake that day. I told him that I knew he had been drinking. I explained that was the reason I pleaded with him to come home with us when we were leaving. He told me, "Mom I wish I would have listened to you just that one time. If only I had listened to you, none of this horrible stuff would have happened".

To Stephen Curtis Chapman and his family, I send my deepest condolences. I know how you are feeling. Our tragedies may not the same, but we both were dealt tragedies. I know how your son must be hurting because I know how my son hurt after the death of his friend. May God bless you and your family in every way He can. May He help to mend your broken heart and rebuild your shattered life. To your son: Please know that what happened was an accident and you must not blame yourself. Put your trust in God and let Him take care of you and heal you.