Coping While Your Baby is in NICU

While my pregnancy was far from a normal one because I was diabetic, my doctors did an excellent job managing me, and I followed their orders. My blood sugars stayed in the range they gave until the end of my pregnancy. I was scheduled to be induced at exactly 38 weeks, but when I went in for my non-stress test the week before there was a problem. The ultrasound technician had to count the baby's movements, but she didn't move the requisite number of times. I was sent to the hospital to be monitored for two hours. They sent me home-everything was all right. My contractions started that Friday and lasted all night. They got really bad early Saturday morning and that's when we headed to the hospital. The baby's heart rate was high and the nurse thought that was a problem. They started my antibiotics early. I gave birth at 11:09 p.m. Saturday night, but when she was born, my daughter did not cry.

Her dad wanted to cut the umbilical cord, but he did not get that opportunity. She did not cry. She was not breathing. Her little brown body was turning blue. We were in shock. Doctors from the intensive care nursery rushed in to give her oxygen. Nothing happened. She was taken to the intensive care nursery. We could not see her for two hours. Devastated does not begin to describe what I was feeling. When I finally got to see her the next day, she was on a cooling bed, attached to two ventilators-a jet ventilator, the regular ventilator; a machine that gave her nitric oxide; iv lines ran through her bellybutton; she had on a pair of headphones; her eyes were closed; and we could not touch her.

I did not cry then. The doctors talked at me with words like 'loss of oxygen', 'pulmonary hypertension', and 'critical', and none of it registered I was on autopilot. I had no idea what was going on. I had given birth to a perfectly healthy baby-that got an infection and was now fighting for her life even before it started. This was supposed to be a joyous and happy time, and now, everything was wrong, and I could not help thinking it was my fault. What else could I have done? What did I miss? Why me? Why me? Why me?

I could have very easily gone into a terrible depression during this horrible period, and to be honest, I was pretty down some days. Here are some things that may help you cope if your bundle of joy has to be in the intensive care nursery.

Support

You are going to need a support group for this type of traumatic experience. You should choose positive people who can assist and support you without making the entire situation about them. You do not need horror stories right now, and you may not even want to hear about other infant's triumphs at just this moment. The idea is you select a support team that will not stress you out more or get on your nerves. I would suggest your parents and your spouse's parents, but if there are some major personality issues here, you may want to choose close friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings. For me, I did not dislike my husband's mother, but we never clicked. In the weeks following my daughter's hospitalization, she was one of the best supporters because she would come by the hospital to see her granddaughter, which gave me a break to run errands, clean, eat, and sleep. If you can manage your support group, you may even include people who are not your favorite as long as they are part of 'Team Baby Come Home ASAP'.

Sleep

I know it sounds simple, but you have to get sleep during this period. First, you are already in a stressful situation, anything in addition to that stress may send you over the edge. Next, the sleep will help you think more clearly and be less agitated. At first, I never slept for longer that an hour or so. I was pumping breast milk every three hours and going back and forth to the hospital after being discharged. You need to be at your best so that you can understand what procedures are being administered and make the best decisions for your child. You also need to remember doctors' names, insurance information, and any additional information given to you from various hospital departments.

Serenity

If you do not have faith, this may be your time to cultivate it. A sick baby will take a toll on you physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. When you're asking questions like 'Why me?' or 'Why us?" or you are thinking that you are the only person who seems to be followed with tons of horrible luck, taking time out for prayer, medication, and scripture reading may be just what you need to calm down and focus. I experience a lot of anger while my daughter was in the hospital. Anger coupled with my trust issues made it hard for me to feel secure in leaving her at the hospital. I knew I could not help her, but I felt anxious about whether the physicians and nurses could do anything either. Focusing on a source higher than yourself, will help you acknowledge that you are not in control, but there is a God who can handle any situation in which you find yourself. I sought God for serenity and he helped me through one of the most challenging times in my life.

Sharing

If prayer is not your way of coping, you should probably confide in someone. While often times having a sick child can put a strain on your relationship, you can use this time to get closer to your spouse by exploring how each of you is feeling. The first week my husband was so concerned about me and I about him, we could have cut the tension with a knife, but after we opened up to one another, it felt easier to deal with because we knew we weren't alone. Many hospitals have social workers who are available to speak with you and who specialize in family care. Finally, you can meet other moms and dads grappling with similar or worse scenarios. In listening to the stories of other families in the intensive care nursery, I began to understand how blessed my family had been. I started counting my blessings.

My daughter is doing well. She is a healthy, happy, baby who enjoys learning, napping, and sleeping on her daddy's chest. We did not know how we could get through the weeks when everything seemed bleak and hopeless. We kept our faith in God and sought Him for healing for our daughter. We leaned on each other, and utilized the support of our families. We looked around and saw the parents of babies who were very sick, and we were thankful for our blessings. If you have a baby in NICU, you can get through with support, sleep, serenity, and sharing.