Cops: Hanes Underwear Edition

Hanes-brand underwear announced Tuesday that it is coming out with a new marketing campaign. The producers of the television show Cops and Hanes have partnered to make a special Hanes edition of Cops. The Hanes edition of Cops will comprise nine, thirty-minute episodes. The episodes will feature suspects who appear only in their Hanes-brand underwear.

"It made sense to partner with Hanes on this project," explained Cops producer Ed Herberg. "90% of the people we feature on Cops are entirely in their underwear or less anyway. So all we really had to do for the Hanes edition was figure out which suspects were wearing Hanes underwear."

"Our employees identified the suspects who were wearing Hanes," explained Hilda Blumberg, Senior Vice President of Marketing for Hanes, "we were surprised at how many suspects wear Hanes. But I guess that just attests to Hanes' widespread popularity and affordability. We're hoping that the Hanes edition will appeal to a wide range of consumers, but mainly poor white trash and meth addicts. That's one area of the market we feel we haven't completely tapped yet."

Besides proving the popularity of Hanes among petty criminals, the Hanes edition of Cops will also attest to the brand's durability.

"In the scenes which we have selected, you will see suspects getting mauled by attack dogs, picked up by their underwear, and even fighting with knives," explained Blumberg, "in all of these scenes our underwear held up very well. None of the suspects' underwear sustained even a small tear."

"If you're going to fight with cops while you're drunk and high in your undies, then I would recommend wearing Hanes," stated Rob Roy, one suspect who is featured in the Hanes edition, "for example, when I got pulled over and my car was searched, I was wearing my favorite pair of Hanes. Those F!*#ers are damn near ten years old. Their skid marks have skid marks. But when I ran 12 blocks in them and then was kicked in the stomach and crapped myself, well, those underwear really came through for me."

"We're really proud of the way our underwear performed in these episodes," stated Blumberg, "we're very excited for the Hanes edition. We're even hoping to continue this new marketing campaign with a Hanes Trailer Park edition."