Could Your Partner Potentially Be Abusive?

Most women will at one time or another make a bad choice for a partner. Sometimes it's a boyfriend, other times it's a husband, and there are varying degrees of bad. The sort of bad that this article will address is the most crucial: the abusive man.

All kinds of women, and unfortunately teenaged girls, are unwittingly entering into relationships with monstrous men who have a dangerous pattern of controlling and battering the women in their lives. They obviously don't present this way when attempting to gain the trust and adoration of their latest pursuit, but they still exhibit behaviors that show their true colors despite their best efforts at deception.

The plan for a man like this is to get a woman so smitten with him, and possibly in love with him, that by the time it starts to get ugly, she won't want to walk away. And most of the time they succeed with this. A woman will have fallen in love with the idea of a man, the idea that was presented to her in the beginning. She will keep trying to get that man back, and believe that she'll be able to if she just tries really hard to make him happy.

This is the dangerous point at which the woman has begun to put her life on the line. This is the point no woman even needs to reach if she can be vigilant and perceptive at the start of any relationship. To do this, a woman needs to recognize the red flags and respond appropriately.

Red Flag #1: Prior history with domestic violence
It doesn't matter if he tells you he was the victim of a misunderstanding, a false arrest, a lying girlfriend/wife. Odds are, he behaved inappropriately, at best, with the woman in his life at the time. And that's not the sort of character you want in a man anyway. Even better odds are that he has a serious anger problem and has hurt women in the past.

Red Flag #2: He's presenting like a salesman
When a man is trying too hard to gain your affection, almost like a salesman eager to sell you a car, that's not good. If he's honorable and well-intentioned, there won't be a need for you to "buy" anything.

Red Flag #3: He doesn't want to share you - with anyone
Once in a relationship, it's normal to want to spend a lot of time together. And it can be flattering and feel good that he wants to be with you so much. But when he starts to have a problem with you being a part of any activity that doesn't involve him, that's a bad sign. In the beginning, he'll likely try manipulative tactics like guilt to persuade you to choose him over family and friends. But it's guaranteed that eventually those tactics will evolve into intimidation and threats.
His insecurity requires that you never be in a situation that might potentially present some greener grass.

Red Flag #4: He takes issue with your clothes
If he objects to you wearing certain clothes, particularly outfits you look "too good" in, this is a glimpse into his warped mind where he believes that you are trying to attract other men folk, and that you will succeed, thus placing his "possession" at risk for being stolen. This also makes evident his need to control every aspect of your life.

Red Flag #5: Excessive jealousy
This is also the cause of red flag #4. Sure it's nice and flattering, especially if you're a younger girl, for a man to find you valuable enough to care whether or not someone else is trying to take you away from him. But again, insecurity rears its ugly head here, and this jealousy thing is so about his sick sense of possession of "his" woman, and not at all about you.

Red Flag #6: Verbal abuse
Name calling, yelling, screaming, and intimidation are all elements of verbal abuse. It's very telling of a man who is willing to resort to this. It tells you that he does not hold you in very high regard, he does not have respect for you, and that he has problems controlling his anger. When disagreements or arguments always turn into personal attacks and loss of temper, physical violence is usually on the horizon.

Red Flag #7: Destroying your property
Much like with the verbal abuse, when this man can't control himself in an argument and loses his temper, he may resort to breaking things that belong to you. Make no mistake, this is specifically designed to hurt you, and the fact that he wants to hurt you this bad when he's angry is frightening. Again, he'll likely start out with your property, then eventually move on to hurting you physically.

Red Flag #8 Harming your pet(s)
Another behavior seen in the abusive man is kicking your dog, throwing your cat, or mistreating them in any way. Again, this is done intentionally to hurt and terrorize you. Having something you want to protect gives him more power over you in his sick, twisted mind.

Now, it's possible that you are with a man who has exhibited some or all of these behaviors, yet has never laid a hand on you. You may have even been with him as long as a year with no physical violence as of yet. But if you have seen these signs, do not make the mistake of believing that he would never hit you. It is almost a certainty that he will. If you see any of these signs, get out now and consider yourself lucky. Do not become another statistic.