Could Praise Be Bad?

Every parent wants their children to think that they have the world in front of them. They want them to believe that they can accomplish anything. So you encourage them, give them compliments. You tell them that what they are doing is absolutely perfect and that you're so proud of them. Is this praise helpful or a hindrance? It might help them at that exact moment but it could hurt them more in the long run.

If the child is constantly told that they are perfect and then they get into the real world and get told that they're not good enough their egos could take a hit. Some might not recover from that. They'll become confused because their parents always told them that they were good enough but this stranger is telling them the opposite. They might stop trusting you and that's not something that you can earn back easily. It could permanently affect your relationship with your children.

Another thing is that if they constantly receive praise telling them how smart they are, they are inclined to work less. Things come easily to them and they don't have to work as hard as other children. So when they hit their first roadblock they don't know what to make of it. They have never really failed before, it's something unfamiliar. It's demoralizing and they don't know how to handle it. Some never recover and just want to give up. That's where some kids have the advantage. If they've never been told that they're perfect then they've constantly been striving to reach it. They've worked hard and never had anything come easy to them. When they reach a roadblock though, they know how to handle it. They figure out the problem and find a way to work through it. It's not an impossible task for them.

There has to be some balance between constant praise and putting them down all the time. If they really truly do something well, let them know it. At the same time, if they need to work on something, tell them that too. Try not to just tell them that they suck either. They will be more likely to want to give up if you do that. Try to tell them that they need to work on something while making suggestions at what they could do better, and possible solutions to the problem. That way it won't seem like you are just attacking them but honestly trying to be helpful. By showing them a possible solution, it also shows them that there is a way to work through the problem. Eventually they will start to realize this on their own.