Could Prison Be Your Retirement Plan?

With Social Security benefits running out in the not too distant future (depending on what you read and who you listen to this could be as soon as 2021), and more people having less money to sock away for their retirement, what alternatives are left? How about going to prison when you reach retirement age! Let's think about this and consider the pros and cons. The more I think about it, the more I realize the pros are outweighing the cons. However, just like having to plan for a regular retirement program, going to prison also requires some thought and planning.

Pros

You have a roof over your head, three meals a day (may not be exceptionally healthy food, but still food), your clothing is provided (ok orange may not be your color, but you can learn to like it), and free health care (again, not sure how good it will be). Those are the standards. If you would happen to be sentenced to a posh prison, you would have even more amenities such as access to a library, recreation facilities, continuing education classes, outreach programs, perhaps a hobby job, such as training guide dogs for disabled persons, plus many other "benefits".

Cons

Your mobility is limited to the prison, unless you are in some sort of an outreach or work program. You would not be able to have a cell with your spouse (for some that may not be a con). You may have to do some duties like help in the kitchen or laundry or some form of manufacturing chore. You would not get to see your family members, as often, again not sure this is a con for everyone. Harder to get alcohol and illegal drugs (I don't do either of these, so no problem). You couldn't shop at a regular department store, but if you have no money anyway, not a real issue. You may be subjected to prison violence, but less likely if you are in a white-collar prison.

Getting into Prison

Getting into prison might be the hardest part for someone who is not use to committing crimes. You will need to give the crime a lot of thought. You don't want to use a weapon during a crime, because number one, you don't want to hurt anyone; and number two it's a sure way of possibly getting yourself killed, by either an overzealous security guard or execution. If wanting to get into one of the better prisons, you would most likely need to do a white-collar crime, perhaps embezzlement. Which state should you commit the crime in is another option worth considering. Perhaps you have always wanted to participate in a rodeo; then you would want to commit a crime in a state that has prison rodeos. You would also need to make sure the crime is severe enough to keep you in prison until you die. You don't want to be released when you are a spry 85 years old with no money and nowhere to go.

If you think prison might be your retirement option, please give it lots of thought and consideration.