Coulter Devours Kitten

(Austin, TX) Author and outspoken right-wing pundit Ann Coulter was greeted with cheers at a speaking engagement at the University of Texas last night after she devoured a live kitten onstage.

Coulter, 45, spoke to a sold-out audience at this particular stop on a tour promoting her new book, "The Joy of My Face." Coulter began with a series of polemical remarks against the newly elected Democratic majority in Congress, after which she led the audience through a Powerpoint presentation on the same subject. At the conclusion of the three slide presentation, a stage hand brought a cardboard box from behind Coulter and placed it at her feet.

Coulter reached into the box and withdrew a tawny kitten, to many fond "oohs" and "ahhs" from the audience. Coulter then raised the kitten above her head and shouted "This is what your spineless liberal Congress will do to your country!" Amidst a crescendo of mingled fear and shock from the onlookers, she lowered the small cat to her mouth and bit into its back. As the kitten struggled in her hands, the conservative pundit rent flesh from its flanks and chewed heartily, mouthing unintelligible words during the act. After approximately two minutes of chewing on the kitten, Coulter let its lifeless body fall to the stage and uttered "(Expletive) you, (Gay Slur)!"

Coulter was lauded by a standing ovation and deafening applause from the crowd of four hundred before she exited the stage with the deceased kitten. Marjorie Daniels of Austin commented "Ann's got guts, and she sure knows how to show them! I'm glad I brought my kids with me to see her, she's so inspirational."

Coulter is slated to speak in four Texas locations over the next week, though it is unclear whether she will repeat the act. "It really shows a lot of courage to do what she did, and I admire her for it," stated Amelia Salisbury, a mother of four who attended the speech. Coulter was unavailable for comment.