Coulter's Kiddy Corner

IN THE BEGINNING
Before there were liberals, there was GOD.

Before there was organic food and solar energy; or birkenstocks and peace marches; or Planned Parenthood, ACLU and The New York Times; or Darwin, the Clintons and the 9/11 widows - or even liberals themselves - God was there.

God created the world and all that is in it, and then wrote all about it in Genesis. He made it to be a haven for those who believe. Always remember that whenever you see godless heathens running around making messes.

NOAH
When God looked at the world that He had made, he got real sad cause the world was so sinful and bad, bad, bad. But because Noah was a Bible believer and thus saved, God had a plan for him. Just as he has a plan for me, because I am saved.

God's plan to save Noah was to have him build an ark. God knew how to do it and like any good person, Noah obeyed without asking any stupid questions. He knew that God always knows what to do. And that if he prayed to God, then he wouldn't make mistakes and sin.

Then God told Noah to bring two animals of each kind, male and female. None of this homosexual sinful stuff going on in the ark mind you. This shows that God always provides for us. Even now He promised someday that all who love Jesus will get to go to heaven, just as He took care of the animals and Noah.

Then everything bad that breathed on the earth died. You see,really, really bad things happen when people sin.

But not Noah because Noah feared God and served God. So, he was saved from the flood. This proves that if we fear God and serve Him, we will be saved from the burning fires of hell.

SODOM AND GOMORRAH
Once upon a time, there were two cities named Sodom and Gomorrah. They were like the New York City and Las Vegas of their day. These people didn't care about God. They didn't care about doing what was right and Republican. In fact, they did just the opposite. They became Democrats.

The evil in Sodom and Gomorrah got so bad that it was like a terrible, rotten smell that reached all the way up to heaven. And God did not like the stink cause it reminded him too much of Woodstock.

Because Lot was a special holy man, God sent His angels to warn him to flee. But as soon as Lot and his family were out of the city, God rain fire on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

And like most women, Lot's wife was one of those uppity feminists. She disobeyed God and her husband and looked back. So, she was turned into a pillar of salt. Serves her right.

But God saved Lot and his two daughters because they were true blue Bible believers.

BOOK OF DANIEL
I want to tell you about a story in the Bible about a man named Daniel. One time he had to spend a whole night in a den full of liberals!

Daniel was given a really good job because he was a faithful hard worker. This made all the welfare bums upset because they felt the kingdom should give them all kinds of benefits. Being godless heathens, they decided to attack Daniel by making prayer illegal. But like any true Bible believer, Daniel defied the law and continued to pray each day.

So, the king ordered that Daniel be cast into a den of liberals as his punishment. A large stone was placed over the den of liberals and was sealed. But the next morning, Daniel was still alive. You see, his faith was strong that the liberals were left speechless.

When the king saw that Daniel has survived the liberals, he brought the welfare bums who had accused Daniel and threw them in a den of conservatives. The conservatives tore them to pieces before they could even say a single word.
But God shined on Daniel because he stood up for religious freedom.

DAVID AND GOLIATH
Goliath was President of the National Council of Churches and a really big bully. He cursed at the righteous and said really, really mean things about God. He was a Protestant and wanted to settle disputes through dialog. So, he was asking for one man among the conservatives to come out to talk to him. Everyone was afraid because he was such a big meanie.
David was just a member of the Institute for Religious Democracy (IRD). Even though he was young, he was brave. He knew that God protected him from the Clintons and the Gores that tried to steal the White House. One time he killed a liberal with his bare hands. Although Goliath had a suit of armor, all David had was a slingshot and five smooth stones. But David trusted that God would deliver him out of the hand of the Protestants.

When Goliath saw that the conservatives sent a boy to fight, he made fun of them some more. David answered bravely and told him God would get the glory.

So, David took out his slingshot and placed a small smooth stone in the sling. Then he slung it at the giant and hit him squarely in the forehead and killed him. This proves that through violence, the righteous will always rule in the end.