Court Room Etiquette

Are you one of those people who find enjoyment in the different personalities within a courthouse? Are you one of those people with the interesting personalities that I adore? Yes? This is for you. Have you ever worried yourself sick the weeks and day before court wondering how you should act? Guess what I can help alleviate some of the stress. The most important thing to do before you go any further is take a deep cleansing breath. Did it help? No? I didn't think so.

First of all there is no sure way to keep you from worrying about what will transpire in court when the date arrives but here is a list of what is normally expected of you.

Second, lets define High Tempered People in a court setting:

High Tempered People - This would be people that get angry at a drop of water on a dry patch in the desert. Quick to interrupt , quick to get an attitude, quick to curse, just quick to anything that will get them held in contempt, arrested, and/or lose their case.

Remember, when you prepare for court don't dress in your regular high tempered manner. Get up a little early and take your time getting ready. Nine times out of ten you'll probably be up before the cock crows. So instead of damning the person that's taking you the court or who your taking to court, think on something a little less stressful, like what to fix for dinner or what your plans are for the next day. Make sure you leave early enough to arrive on time for court, some times court never starts when you expect it to, but don't tempt fate and arrive late.

Always, be sure you arrive in court at least thirty minutes to an hour early, because remembering your high tempered self, you'll be cursing every car that got there before you and had the best parking spot.

Now that you made it into the building and are approaching security, this would be a good time to make sure you don't have any weapons or metal on your person, because getting caught in the midst of going through the metal detector can end up being a terrible experience, memorable in the worse way. If you've made it through security with no problem or the slightest of issues, then your on your way to having a good day.

Upon entering the designated court room, attempt to look serene, not like you just had your front teeth snatched out with rusty pliers, and only a cube of ice to numb the pain. This would be the perfect time to inhale deeply and release slowly to alleviate the first stage of tension. Take a seat close enough to see and at an area where you can hear with no problems. The worse thing you can do is not hear your name called, receive a bench warrant for your arrest, only to say after the calling of the roll "Uh... my name wasn't called". There's no reason to annoy the judge earlier than necessary.

I know at this particular moment you're probably bubbling with all kinds of anger at even having to be in court, but it's too late to wonder "Who shot John's Barn", just accept the here and now. I have no doubt that this is a little late to tell you, but hopefully before your court date for you to get a folder, a nice binder or folder with pockets to hold all your papers. Although the folder and binder has the task in holding your clutter, err, papers, please remember the task at organizing your documents and evidence is up to you. Nothing can be more annoying than having to dig through a stack of crumpled papers, with sweat trickling down your neck as the eyes of the Judge is burning holes through the top of your skull. So hopefully your papers are in order.

Here we go. The moment of truth or lies, good or evil, lose or win, jail or freedom is before you. Your name has been called. Don't sit in your seat and answer, this is the ultimate disrespect. Stand. Don't stand so quickly that your folder falls out of your lap, you bend swiftly to retrieve it and hit your head against the bench in front of you, just as you hear a ripping sound from behind, but not so slowly that you seem as though your on vacation. The Court hates to have its time wasted. Hold your head at an angle where it doesn't seem as though your being snobbish to where if you just nudge your head up another degree you'll be checking out the sort of paneling used for the ceiling. Look at the judge directly, if you are one of those people with piercing color eyes, or naturally look as though your ready to fight, I suggest you lower your head slightly to allow the court to hold the belief that you submit willingly to its judgment. but not so much to where you notice your shoes don't match what your wearing.

Suddenly, you hear the judge read the reason for you being there. Don't get nervous because the Judge has icicles flying from the center of their eyes directly at you. This is what they are supposed to do, be menacing. The fact is, they've most likely heard a dozen cases just like yours, and waiting to see what the new character in the plot is going to do, but being prepared none the less with the glare of doom.

Answer the questions the Judge asks... after the question is finished. Being high tempered and all, I can understand the need to foresee the ending to the question prematurely, thus providing the need to give an answer before it's finish, however this is never a good idea to do. Just because, I have a keen respect for your prophetic abilities does not mean that the judge will too. So, please wait until the question has been finished allowing two full seconds to pass before answering. Always within these two seconds appear to be giving the question asked much thought, however if its something as basic as your name, I advise you don't look as though your thinking about it, although a deep unforeseen breath would be good; it will take two seconds I promise.

DO NOT, become belligerent, because you believe the judge asks you what you answer to. The Enforcer of Laws means your name. Nothing more nothing less, so calm that temper of yours down. Answer the questions as they're asked allowed the individual filing against you or witnesses to speak without bungee jumping into a pile of dung. Look interested in what is being said. This doesn't mean that you won't be able to get your point across because eventually you will. If by chance the judge decides not to inquire about your factual explanations, then by all means say something like, "Your honor no disrespect to the court but may I explain further?" See how easy that is? Instead of grinding your teeth into mortar to lay bricks, and receiving a squinted stare of prejudgment, you are being as docile and compliant as can be.

This does not mean that you will eventually like the sentence being read, then again you might. Just in case it isn't a good one then be prepared because of your good behavior you might get a normal or lesser ruling based on the case, but I guarantee if you shout obscenities and flip off the judge you just might have a stylish pair of bracelets and a nice sound scolding that will relinquish any rights that you may have had.

If things have gone well, then by all means thank the judge for their sound ruling. Don't overdo it and start blustering and slobbering on their boots. Just a nice, "Thank you, your honor", will do. My dear high tempered friend, you have had an eventful few weeks and day and I pray that you continue to maintain the less tempered route, else you'll be needing to read this again.