Cover Letters: The Second Paragraph

Cover letters can be a little tricky. They can also stress job seekers out.

Most use the second paragraph in their cover letters to sum up their resumes. As you'll see, this is a mistake. There are better ways to write the second paragraph.

WARNING: You may think you need to be a phonics or grammar geek to get this right. Relax. You can do this.

First, let's take a look at a ridiculously bad cover letter, then see where the fictitious job seeker went horribly, horribly wrong.

Second Paragraph From Hell:

"After leaving my small town of 4,000 people, I attended a four-year school that provided me with a degree. Two years after getting my A.S.S. from BCC, I was promoted to the position of team manager at XYZ Corp., as you can see on my resume. Then, after being fired for violating company Internet policy, I took several telemarketing jobs before I got another manager job, this time at ABC All Night Waffles. Because of my vast experience, I feel qualified to work anywhere."

Oh, dear me! Where to begin on this one? This job hunter fumbled the snap and lost control of the ball!

Passivity kills. All of the sentences are in a passive structure (e.g. "After___, I ____..." and "Because of my___..." ). Active sentence structures work better (e.g. "My skills are..." and "I raised..."). Note the difference in the placement of the subject and verb - active sentences typically have their subjects near the beginning. Passive sentences have the opposite structure. They also lead the reader to think you were merely present during activity, whereas active sentences show that you caused some action to take place. Writing cover letters, like playing left tackle, requires activeness.

Call signals. Most employers won't fault you for abbreviating your degree (e.g. "Bachelor's" vs. "B.S."), but make sure you use the right letters. If you have a two-year degree, then you either have an A.A.S. - OR - an A.O.S. (not an A.S.S.!!!). Also, spell out the name of the college you went to. Potential employers may not be familiar with the abbreviation of your prior place of employment, either, so it's usually a good idea to spell it out. On your resume. Not your cover letter.

From the Department of Redundancy Department. The line, "...as you can see on my resume" practically shouts to employers that you're just putting your resume in prose form. Your second paragraph should provide additional, supplemental information - not a summation.

TMI! TMI! Your cover letter and resume should never, NEVER raise red flags. Unfortunately, our candidate provided information about why she was terminated. Further, the information rambles. What employer wants to hire someone who writes - or speaks - this way?!? People tend to think how they write, after all.

Closed out. Reread the last sentence in our example. If you were a manager, would you think our candidate was qualified to work for you? After reading about her A.S.S. degree? Now that you know she surfs the 'Net when she should be working? Do you think she's qualified to work anywhere - let alone for you?!?

Compare that example with...

A Better Second Paragraph

"My skills set closely matches those needed in the Accounts Payable position, and, upon speaking with a few of your employees, my personality seems to be a fit with your company culture. I have noted XYZ's growing market share by reading back issues of The Journal. XYZ was also praised last month in The Chronicle for its impressive potential. I want to share in XYZ's success and help it realize its potential. I have the skills to make a substantial contribution."

Mention the match. You want to make it obvious that your skills fit the position for which you're applying. The only way to drive this point home is to mention it once or twice.

So this one's not bulk e-mailed? Impressive! This time, our candidate has actually done a little research on the company by talking with employees and doing a bit of reading. The hiring manager will likely be startled, as too few job hunters do any research before sending a resume. This added touch raises the candidate's odds of being hired. It also raises the candidate's perceived value.

IN A NUTSHELL: To make your cover letter sing, do some company research, use an active sentence structure and don't raise red flags.