Coy Ways to Initiate Lovemaking (When We're Too Shy to Suggest It)

When you look at all the myriad ways that couples - even those who have been together for a long time - can skirt around the issue of sex, it seems a wonder that the human race has managed to propagate itself to the extent that it has. Sometimes both partners may be in the mood, but neither one feels comfortable initiating things. There can be countless reasons why people feel vulnerable when it comes to intimacy. Women may hold back because they believe that the man's supposed to make the first move. Men may adopt a cool and casual façade because they don't want to look like they're always "out for one thing."

Then, of course, there is always the possibility that one or the other (or both) fears rejection. When two people want to be together but neither of them are willing to come out and say it, this can create quite an impasse. If we're too inhibited, for whatever reason, to ask for what we really want, some more subtle tactics might do the trick.

When words fail us, physical touch can say so much more. Offering to give a partner a back rub or massage, for example, can be a good way to break the ice. This will provide us with an opportunity to be giving. After all, sex should be a by-product of caring in a relationship, not its primary goal. The actual act of massage is soothing for the giver as well as the recipient. It also naturally becomes more stimulating as we move down our lover's spine. Relaxing into the motions of slow, nurturing touch, we can let our hands communicate what's in our minds. Even a simple foot rub can be a sensual experience if it's done with love. Before long, rubbing can lead to holding, then kissing, and so on.

Other activities, like showering or even arranging the bedroom together, can make physical intimacy almost inevitable. When closeness leads to contact, it can be a good opportunity to communicate without being too forward. We might not want to suggest hopping into bed right away, but what about commenting on how much we like the way our partners are touching us? This may not only provide a lead-in to foreplay, but also express our appreciation.

Certain "aids" can announce an intimate moment clear as a bell: massage oil, aromatherapy oils, feathers, and, yes, sex toys. In this area, we can be as adventurous as we dare. Sure, our intent will be obvious; but it's still not so blunt as other ways of broaching the subject. We have no way of knowing, either, whether or not our partners will appreciate a change of pace until we try.

Sometimes we just can't swallow our pride enough to tell our partners about our desires. Other times, it may feel too crass, or abrupt, to do so. During those moments when we feel vulnerable, little steps in the right direction can reap a lot of rewards - more so than if we simply go to bed resenting ourselves for not speaking up when we had the chance.