CRACKPOT Ministries Mormon Underwear Raid Fails

The planning for the underwear raid got underway at the Free Viewridge Evangelical Church in Lewisburg, PA late Friday. Reverend Zeke Gage of Christian Reading Always Carefully Keeps People Off Things (CRACKPOT) Ministries started the procession with a prayer.

Typically underwear raids, commonly called panty raids, are a prank associated with college fraternities, but the target of CRACKPOT Ministries was the Mormon temple in Washington DC. The goal of the raid was to burn the unholy underwear members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are reported to wear underneath their clothing. The Mormon underwear contains unholy symbols that imbue the wearer with ungodly Satanic powers, according to Andrea Johnson, a member of the group. Doctor Will Smith would have provided the research, but after the announcement of Reverend Gage of his impending death has caused Doctor Smith to withdraw from public life. Technical assistance was provided by the computer hacking arm of CRACKPOT Ministries to forge the Mormon temple recommends to let the raid group have access to the building.

The CRACKPOT Ministries raid group met at the Lewisburg church early Friday morning to make the four hour journey to the temple in Kensington, MD. The long trip was filled with prayers and singing hymns of righteous fury as the self-proclaimed Christian soldiers took the long road trip, forged temple recommends in hand. When the CRACKPOT Ministries group reached the temple they reached out ready to storm the gates.

The attempt to enter the Mormon temple and remove the unholy underwear and dispose of it properly almost succeeded until someone spotted that the large group had made the fatal mistake of not arriving to the temple in a caravan of minivans. Security was quickly tipped off to the group of gentiles trying to infiltrate the Mormon sacred grounds and they were asked to leave the premises.

"Although the trip was a failure, CRACKPOT Ministries plans to use the lessons it learned here to remove these Satanic objects and their influence on the world. We will also conduct further research into how to find a cure for Mormonism and save these misguided souls from their dangerous delusions," commented Reverend Gage after the failed trip. No charges are being considered against CRACKPOT Ministries or the Free Viewridge Evangelical Church at this time, although several members have received invitations to Mormon meetings, pot luck dinners, and all-expense paid trips to next year's Hill Cummorah Pageant.