Craig's List: The Most Dangerous Site on the Web

I blame this one on the kids. They turned me on to this website a couple of years ago, and recently, over the holidays, I rediscovered it and now it takes up all my time. Is it gambling? Nah. Porno? Nope. Donations to the Republican Party? Wrong again. The dastardly site of which I speak is Craig's List. For those of you that don't know it, Craig's List is a site of free classified ads that are local to any city you choose. I have always liked to peruse classifieds for some reason. Jobs, cars, discussion groups of all kinds, music, just about everything. There's the problem. I can see who is selling a car for what price in say, Hong Kong! Why would I want to waste my time doing that? Because I am an idiot.

But why is it so dangerous? Well, for starters, it seems, based on my perusal of the classifieds, that I truly wasted my life with a law degree and education in financial management. Because, I found out that I could have been making billions of dollars an hour just by doing marketing surveys online! Is that depressing or what? What a sap I've been all these years. What's more, I could have done just as well stuffing envelopes, returning phone calls or processing payments for some Nigerian prince who, poor fella, seems to have fallen on political troubles. All he needed for me to make a ton of money was my banking info.

In the last two months I have purchased a used drum set to continue my quest at age 55 of learning how to become the next Ginger Baker. Without lessons. Sandy, my wife, is thrilled as hell! Especially these past few days with the outside temperature hovering around "absolute zero". What else you gonna do? Seems like there was something else Sandy and I did when we were locked up alone in the house, no what was it? Anyway "Inna Godda Da Vida, baby...." right? I picked up the drumset on the way home from picking up my son, Dustin at the airport when he was home for Christmas. Dustin grudgingly helped me get the drumset because we had engaged in the typical parent child blow up within nano seconds of his arrival. You parents with children over the age of 5 and have managed to keep your sanity know what I'm talking about.
Dustin comes through the airport and greets us with a smile and a big hug and conversation goes something like this:
Me: "Hi son, good to see you, how was your flight?"
Dustin: "WHADDYA MEAN I NEED A HAIRCUT!!"

Maybe it's not what you say but how you say it. Oh well, I digress. But while I'm digressing I should give my daughter the PhD in the family a little credit for making our lives interesting. She is 29, going on 14, married and employed in psychological research. The irony will soon become apparent. Not long ago, she calls home with "wonderful news"! We parents, being the fools that we are, think that she is at last going to provide us with grandchildren, are somewhat taken aback by her announcement that she has been picked up by the Chicago "Roller Derby" team. Not grandchildren, "ROLLER FREAKIN' DERBY"! Am I nuts, or does this sound a tad risky for a woman, almost 30, to be going out and roller skating around an oval track, participating in a sport whose major goal is to make your opponent look something like a Salvatore Dali painting? "Don't worry," she says trying to comfort her now distraught parents while in the next breath she asks me for my thoughts on her buying short term disability insurance! Don't worry. Right! O.K. digression over.

After buying the drums I found an ad looking for a writer for a start up newspaper in New York. Someone who can write sarcasm. So I applied, knowing I rate pretty low on the Jon Stewart Sarcasm Scale (those of you who now me can back me up on that), but I sent in some samples from my blog, (shameless plug "Aging Disgracefully http://aging-disgracefully.blogspot.com/ ) and the next thing I know, Oscar, the owner calls me and says he wants me to do more. It sounded a little like he may have been calling from a heroin addict convention, but hey, its a gig, right? He is a nice young man who obviously knows talent when he says it. Whether on drugs or pure air, who knows.

And finally the coup de grace. It looks like I'm going to be a movie star. Well, not a star, but an extra in an independent film entitled "The Bald Truth". The ad said the director wanted several "bald men" to be in a scene in an office where every one is bald. So I said to myself "Self, you might be able to do this". Sure enough, I got a reply from the director after I sent him my "head shot" (this is evidently movie jargon for a picture of, well, your head) he contacted me and said I'm in. Marlon, Clark, Robert ... Bob? (for you youngsters I guess I should have said Brad, Leonardo, Johnny) So, I've now got that going for me. Don't be jealous Dustin, (he's our budding movie director son, chasing the dream in La La Land) I know you'll want me for your next production, so have your people give my people a call and we'll do lunch.

So you can see that I know what I'm talking about when I say Craig's List is the most dangerous site on the Web. Do yourself and your friends and relatives a favor and advise them to keep away from that site at all costs! You can probably humiliate yourself a lot quicker with a quart of Jack Daniels and a good lamp shade.

Well, I've taken enough of your time, those of you that are still awake and reading, but I have to get going it seems I can make obscene amounts of money selling travel packages. All I have to do is send them $1,000 and I can't miss. OH BOY, am I gonna get in on this or what? Also, my caller ID says some guy named Spielberg is calling.