Creating

It's tough being a god. You think it's easy to weld phenomenal cosmic powers. Create a world here, create a world there. Make people appear out of thin air. Form animals and creatures from your mind. Decide who lives, who dies, who gets merged into one being. Show off your world to the public and hope they approve. If they do, receive their praise. If they don't, develop an immunity to their poisoned arrows. Yeah, it sounds simple. Well, it isn't. It's hard being a fiction writer, especially one who keeps getting ideas.

Writing is creating, and I love to create. On a good day, I can write a fairly decent story. When I write, I ignore everything else, even food, TV, and sleep. Here's my basic writing process: I come up with a story after reading a book or seeing something on TV. I put the words on paper, I sketch the characters, and a new world is born. A new world needs inhabitants, so I add them. New characters keep jumping out of my head, so the population grows. Then I have to make everything real to the readers. Even if the world is based in the fantastic, keeping the readers grounded is a must.

I didn't start out wanting to be a writer, however. I started off as a wannabe comic book artist. I grew up watching a lot of cartoons, especially ones with superheroes and robots. I tried to draw stuff like that, especially the robots. I had a chalkboard once, and I drew robot battles on it. It was basic stuff, like two robots fighting each other or a robot and a monster battling. I wasn't into writing stories yet; I was focusing on my drawing. I tried my hand at comic books. I remember doing one on talking armored animals with superpowers and hi-tech weapons. My previous drawings look ridiculous now. My older creations held their weapons with an open hand. I had no sense of perspective. My robots were a far cry from the ones on TV; mine were too simple and looked nothing like the Transformers or anime robots. Later, I got into video games and dreamed of designing side-scrolling platformers. My drawings resembled video game screen shots, with the hero battling minor baddies left and right. Sometimes I drew a boss picture, where the hero fought a major villain. In these video game drawings, I sometimes added a lifebar, number of lives left, and a score.

I'm not sure when the writing bug bit me, but I know why it did. I looked at my drawings one day and realized they had no backgrounds. My characters had no family, friends, and hobbies. They lacked depth. They only had enemies and their only goal in life was to destroy evil. I looked back on my comic book attempts and I saw they had sorry stories. All they had was pointless action, and if there was a plot, it was like Kate Moss: stringy with hardly any substance. So when I drew new characters, I resolved to give them depth. I gave them ages, feelings, family, friends, and hobbies. Stories sprung out because of these improvements. Unfortunately, I have trouble with assigning heights and weights to people. They are a pain for me because I have no sense of them as mathematical measurements. Whenever I draw, I measure by headlengths.

Today, I still draw in order to see my characters. I find it easier for me to describe something after I see it visually. Fortunately, my drawing's improved over the years, but I feel I have a lot to learn. With my handicap on body measurements, the words "tall," "short," and "average height," frequent my fiction. I still draw superheroes, supervillains, monsters, and robots, but I've started writing literary fiction, albeit a small amount exists on paper. No superheroes or supervillains there; only real life, and it's difficult to portray accurately. I have better luck with superbeings and robots.

So far, I've created many worlds in my life. God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. I haven't stopped creating. I think I've done under twelve worlds in my life, and I carry about five or six with me in my backpack. To be honest, I've lost count. I've drawn all my creations and kept them on typing paper and in sketchbooks. I never throw away the outdated drawings; I felt they still served a purpose as references. They're in my closet, awaiting the day I return to them. My old stuff includes Agent Puzzle, my first comic strip starring a law enforcement agent fighting a criminal organization in the Dream Zone. The title character was a blue square with red eyes, a bow tie, and a hat. He starred in a series of two-minute solve-it-yourself mysteries I did in a creative writing class in junior high. I attempted a book, but it never got past the first two or three chapters. Another old character is Rodney the mouse knight, who fights the evil computer Meka and its robot minions. My recent stuff includes a group of kids trying to save the world from a group of evil kids lead by a villain in a top hat and cape. This is my most complex world to date; each of the main heroes could be a star in his or her own series. That was the plan actually, with everyone eventually uniting against the main villain who would be revealed later. If you've ever read Spider-Man before, you'll get the idea of that particular world. If you haven't, let's just say there's a lot of plot twists.

Similarities exist in all my worlds. First, there are good guys and bad guys. The good guys are honorable and are dedicated to preserving peace and justice. The bad guys are ruthless, cruel, maniacal, and hold a grudge against the world. Second, all the good guys are teamed up against a powerful evil organization bent on world domination. Villains are a bigger threat when they form a big group, and heroes counter this by teaming up. Third, superpowers, magic, robots, and hi-tech gizmos are used by both sides in their struggle. Even in my literary fiction world, I see the same things among my characters. I tend to create characters who are losers and social outcasts with low self-esteem, average people who search for a purpose in life, and nice guys who try to help out.

Why did I create so many worlds? I guess I'm preparing for my big break. If one world fails, I have another to show to the public. I'm blessed (or cursed) with an overactive imagination. I'm hit with inspiration on a daily basis. It's an uncontrollable process. My head is filled with ideas. They spend their time swimming in my head until I decide to release them on paper. Sometimes they burst out without warning, and I'm caught between writing them down or paying attention in class. I'm a dreamer, and it shows in my worlds. All my desires and fears are captured in my characters and their interactions. My heroes help out because it's the right thing to do, and my villains want to rule the world because they want revenge on the world for being picked on.

Nothing is perfect. I suffer from writer's block periodically. It strikes when I have an idea, yet I can't capture it in words. My brain turns to stone, and my paper remains blank. I struggle with my vocabulary to ensure a permanent rendition of my idea on paper. It's easy to come up with an idea, then characters; it's hard to come up with a plot. It strikes when I'm writing a story. I put my protagonists in a bind, usually a deathtrap or a face-off with the villain of the week. Then, my mind goes blank. For me, writer's block lasts a long time, like a month. One time, it took me a year to finish a short story. It was a pain because of the writer's block and my studies, but I did it.

Then, there's overpopulation in my worlds. I keep coming up with characters because I get inspired easily. A peek into one of my old sketchbooks reveals numerous characters within one world, many of them added on a whim. They are inspired by books, TV shows, or video games I like at the moment. I have a habit of creating a character based on someone who died. This really puts a strain on my brain to oversee all these characters. The world with the kid heroes is an excellent example of overpopulation. One hero has too many sidekicks. In fact, all the heroes do. I can't bring myself to kill off characters in order to make everything easier to oversee. I'm not that kind of god. Instead, I create new characters by merging old ones. That way, no one is technically dead. Although the changes aren't apparent in my text, they're noticed easily in my drawings.

Another problem I have is shifting my focus. God has an easier time watching everyone on Earth than me taking care of my worlds. I've found that when I focus on one world, the others suffer from neglect. When I switch between two worlds, both suffer because when I return to any of them, I've forgotten something about each of them. My writing won't be affected, but my drawing will. Some worlds are in limbo, waiting for me to return. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll merge some of them on a whim. One benefit of putting worlds into limbo is when I return, I can make improvements, like merging characters and creating better ones.

The biggest challenge I have to deal with is proofreading and rewriting my stories. I'm hung up on finding and eliminating typos and other errors. Making sure the characters are acting correctly is also taxing. One word can ruin a character's mood. The language must be tightened and made understandable. I wish I could get the story right the first time, but that's not possible. Even if I avoid errors, I might want to add something. This addition requires more checking of the text. What irks me is despite a "thorough" check, a few errors get past my trained eyes and the spell checker. In a fiction workshop some semesters ago, I wrote an allegory about a narrow-minded preacher. I eliminated a character named Amy from the story, but I missed one mention of her. When it was revealed to my classmates, I pounded my head against my desk repeatedly. A story can be good with few errors while a flawless story can be dreadfully dull, however. It's hard work to proofread, and I'm sure the weak-willed will give up writing after many rewrites. In my experience, it's good to have friends proofread for you. They can see mistakes you'll miss.

As a pessimist, I have doubts about my future as a writer. I worry no one will read my stories. I fear no one will care about yet another "save-the-world-from-an-evil-force" series. Too many of those out there. People don't want the same old formula, and if they do, they want to see some distinctiveness. It's hard to be distinct these days, though. I doubt the marketability of my characters, so some of them are hidden from human eyes. I think Agent Puzzle wouldn't stand a chance against Pikachu. Red-eyed blue square in a bowtie or a cute electric mouse? Take your pick, but my money's on the mouse. All those kids can't be wrong. I'm not sure if my stories are believable. Genre or literary, all fiction must be believable. I doubt the readers would believe the world can be saved by a bunch of kids, superpowers or not. A kid cyborg with an army of robots is a hard concept to swallow, I think. Perhaps the readers will accept my creations, but I'm very doubtful. These days, people are waging war against violent media, including books. I think kids fighting and shooting at kids isn't the way to appeal to parents. I really don't want complaints from parents about triggering the next Columbine. That's part of being a writer; no matter what, some people will object to your work because the stories are too weird, not appealing, or objectionable.

Although the possibility of people reading my stories exists, I worry over being remembered after I die. From my experiences, writers become truly appreciated only after they die. They live on through their stories and characters. Their characters become part of our culture and their names are recognized immediately. We all know Sherlock Holmes, Oliver Twist, Pip, Scrooge, Robinson Crusoe, and Jane Eyre. We know their creators, now enshrined as literary gods. They endure because they were distinct and their stories were entertaining. Some of there were pop culture, yet they live on. My writing can be classified in the science fiction and fantasy genres, and thanks to my previous fiction workshops, genre is associated in my mind as a way to make a quick buck. I'll probably make money from my science fiction and fantasy stories, but I'm sure my name won't be among the literary elite. These days, literary fiction will get you the serious recognition by readers, but it's difficult to write because there's no set formula to follow. Anyone can write genre; only a dedicated writer can write literary fiction. I find myself divided between genre and literary fiction. Which will I choose? Guaranteed money and temporary recognition or acknowledgment by the literary elite and everlasting fame? Perhaps I'll try both, but I'll probably slide back to genre.

I'm a god, but it isn't an easy life. My mind turns out worlds, and I can't turn off my brain. Overseeing all my worlds is a challenge, and my future as a writer occupies my mind. My brain still turns to stone frequently. Rewriting is annoying. I'm still developing a thick skin for protection against harsh criticism. Despite all the problems, I like to create new worlds for people to enjoy. Each rewrite becomes less annoying as time passes. With each rewrite, my story gets better. It's what I do best, and I hope to keep creating for a long time.

From the desk of H.A. Senidal, 10/17/2000