Creating an Exclusive Relationship

A big word, an even bigger question. It seems that now, in my 40s, is the first time in my dating life that this has become an issue. Used to be that I met someone and if we connected, we dated. We moved into an exclusive relationship without any issues or discussion. Now? Not so much.

It seems that exclusivity now requires so much more. First you think "Hey, I like this person. A lot. Wonder if they'd like to date just me." Then insecurity settles in a bit. " Oh no! What if they don't like me enough to date just me?" Okay what? I guess this is the first place I get stuck. What does it mean if they don't want to date just me? I'm not good enough? Or maybe I'm just good enough to hang out with or hell; maybe good enough to sleep with, until someone better comes along? I've heard it said that we make a decision in the first 5 minutes of meeting someone if they are someone we want to date. So why do we need to try out several different models all at the same time. We know or we don't right? I mean if we figure it out in the first 5 minutes, why all the damn fuss?

So okay. Maybe I get past that step. As Teddy Geiger says, "I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have and cannonball into the water. I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have. For you I will". And don't kid yourself, for the discussion phase, you're gonna need all the confidence you can get. Especially if you're initiating it. Okay, maybe that's just me. I am horrible at discussions especially initiating said discussions. It all sounds really good in my head and then, not! It seems to come out of my mouth and make no sense at all. So, bottom line, I'm never going to be in an exclusive relationship again! Especially if it's up to me to bring it up!

So, I guess I have two questions. First, is it just me that has this issue? Am I the only one in the dating world who doesn't get it? I mean, I admit I've never been a serial' dater. I'm not comfortable with the idea of dating more than one person at a time. Geez, dating just one person can be hard enough! Now I'm going to try to juggle more than one? Oh hell no! And yet, I DON'T UNDERSTAND! We can't just like each other and move into a nice relationship without all this hubbabaloo? We have to, I dunno, vote em off like American Idol? "Ah, nice dinner, but I like the other guy's butt better". You're off the show. Better luck next time. What?

My other question is how exactly do you handle this whole discussion business? None of us like rejection right? And yet, aren't we setting ourselves up for just that? Here's how it goes in my mind. And yes, I know my mind isn't quite right. "So, I really enjoy spending time with you. We have a lot of fun together and I really like you. Not too mention, I'm very attracted to you. I'm thinking I'd like us to date each other exclusively. What do you think?" "Ah, nice dinner, but I like the other girl's butt better. Sorry." Next!