Creative Ways to Quit Your Job

Well, the time is finally here. You're ready to get out of that miserable existence as a bean counter, ditch digger or dumped upon corporate middle manager. You smile at your boss, give your two weeks and tell him how lovely it was to work there. No. Wait a minute! You don't want to do that! The pay was lousy, the ceiling leaked and you got hit on everyday by Nelson from personnel. Here are some ways to quit in style.

The Marathon
"I quit. I quit. I quit." Just keep saying it all day, whenever anyone speaks to you-even clients. No, make that whenever anyone speaks period.

The Mover
Start slowly removing all the items from your office. When you're at the front door with your plant and the $500 laser printer, someone may suspect.

The Jerry Maguire
Do a spastic dance in the middle of the office while shouting, "Who's comin' with me?" If you don't have an office goldfish, be sure to bring one with you that day.

The Office Space
Just quit showing up. When the boss calls you at home, say, "Yea. I just didn't want to go anymore." Or, you can always set the building on fire.

The Rumor
Start the buzz that you're being "let go" because you caught the boss in a tawdry affair/crime/position and threatened to come forward with it. Then sit back and watch the fur fly.

The Group
Launch a new company and take all the good employees with you. Have a big group quitting ceremony, similar to senior cut day in high school. Have everyone show up to work for a few minutes to laugh at the people still there. Then sneak off, giggling, and spend the rest of the day at the beach.

The Lunch
Next time you have a lunch meeting, wait until the middle of the meal, the throw a glass of water in the boss's face and yell, "You bastard! What about the kids?" before storming out.

The Memo
Send an office-wide memo or email explaining all the reasons you're leaving, and maybe throw in some made-up ones for good measure. Make sure a copy "accidentally" finds its way to the boss. It's even better if you write "Don't let the boss see this," at the end.

Remember, these techniques work best if you already have a new job lined up-and especially well if that new job is in another state.