Creativity, Family and Recovery: The Journey of Artme

One can sense from reading one of her poems or viewing her artwork that Associated Content Producer Artme has a life story worth telling. And a life it has been.

"I would like to say that my past is my greatest teacher and I do not blame anyone or anybody else for some of the things I am going to tell you," she said after consenting to an interview. I knew then that this was a woman who had been through something.

Initially drawn to Artme because of her creative background, which includes many years in the performing arts as a dancer, I had no idea when I contacted her that she had endured and overcome so much pain in her life. However, it was without self-pity that she unveiled herself to me, hoping that her story would inspire someone out there who may perhaps feel void of the strength to pull him- or herself up from rock bottom.

Born in 1959 in Malden, Massachusetts, Artme comes from a line of showmen and women who loved to entertain and captivate audiences. Her grandfather, whom she affectionately called "Peepop," was once a clown for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Her grandmother - a poet, dancer and entertainer - gained notoriety as a sexy, feisty "flapper" in her heyday. Their love of performing would ultimately trickle down through the family to Artme, who began dancing at a very young age.

"My mother and stepdad loved to dance and so did I. I was four years old when I started to dance all over the house. I would get everyone's positive attention when I would dance," confessed Artme, who also admitted to being very quiet and reserved when she was not performing for her loved ones. "I was a shy and withdrawn child. I did not talk much but when I danced, that said it all."

When Artme's introversion took over, however, she took to her first love - drawing - for creative expression. "I was three years old when I got my hands on colored crayons. I literally drew everything I saw!"

Nevertheless, it was towards the performing arts that Artme's mother would steer her. At the age of five, she made her debut on the once famous television show, Romper Room. "My mother lived through me," said Artme. "She always wanted to be dancer, not me. But I was very cute as a child and very charming and I liked being on TV."

The eldest of four siblings - three girls and one boy - Artme was the first to learn that the show must go on despite how much pain and suffering one endures offstage. By the time she was on Romper Room, Artme had already been diagnosed with a learning disability and witnessed the dissolution of her parents' volatile marriage. She largely attributes her parents' divorce to the actions of her biological father.

"As far as my real father goes, I have not seen him in 46 years, and I believe I am better off for it," said Artme. "He was a heroin addict and a womanizer. In addition, he scared the s--- out of me."

"I don't think he molested me but I know he would not let me play with my toys and dolls... He put me in a corner and put my toys and dolls around me and if I touched them, he would yell at me. So my mom put me with my grandma as much as she could."

Shortly after her parents divorced, Artme's mother remarried a sailor in the United States Navy. She quickly became a "Navy brat" and would spend the next several years of her life moving from city to city until her family settled in Chicago, Illinois. It was during her early teen years in Chicago that Artme would be granted a wonderful opportunity - to attend a fine arts school, where she could formally immerse herself in the art of dance.

"There were a lot of schools in big cities back then for kids that did not have lots of money. I do not believe there are a lot of schools like this today. That is really too bad; for the first time in my life, I felt I belonged. Many of the kids had different learning disabilities. To stay there, everyone had to pass English. It was a lot easier than regular schools. I had tons of fun."

"I would start my day by taking the train downtown every day at 5AM. I worked out from 7AM-8AM and then started classes. I had art history, then modern dance. There was disco-type dancing, tap, ballroom - every type of dancing you can think of... I did this for 3 hours a day. Next came English and math. Then I would hang out with my friends for an hour and get home by 7PM, six days a week. "

Despite the opportunity, Artme's life was far from picture perfect. "I come from a long line of talented alcoholics," she revealed, noting that for years, both of her parents regularly abused alcohol as their children watched - and learned. And Artme herself developed an insatiable thirst for life in the fast lane, which she attempted to quench by dropping out of high school at the tender age of 15 and heading to New York City. Soon after her arrival in New York, she became a "club kid," trying to earn a living in an adult world filled with alcohol and drugs.

"As a club kid, I was 15 ½ years old and making $250 a week. I had all the free drugs and drinks I wanted. And I thought that was so cool," said Artme, who also noted the ease that she had finding work in various bars without lying about her age. She would spend the remainder of her teens in New York.

In 1979, Artme returned to Chicago. Already a veteran of the club scene at age 20, she sought jobs as a waitress and a greeter at various underground clubs and even had a brief stint as a Punk Rock dancer. For a time, she enjoyed life on the wild side and the camaraderie that seemed to accompany club life.

"I might have drank and did drugs, but everyone liked me," said Artme. "To me these people were my friends and I loved them, but when people are drunk and high they think they can do anything."

Artme noted that despite her chosen line of work and her abuse of drugs and alcohol, she chose to remain a virgin - until that choice was one day taken from her."My mother always said someday I would be raped for dressing the way I did and working in bars," she said. "And that God would punish me for it."

She painfully recalled one evening at a club where she worked in Chicago. She alleges that the club manager, whose propositions for sex she had previously turned down, put two of his associates up to scaring her by abducting her from the club and pretending like they were going to rape her. What began as a cruel joke, however, turned into a horrific night that Artme will never forget.

"They put a drug...in my drink - - they just took me out of the bar, and my so-called friends let them," recalled Artme. "They took me to a motel and beat the crap out of me. In the morning, they gave me $10 for a taxi and they told me they would kill me if I said anything. I never told anyone until I was 24 years old. "

Artme holds herself partly responsible for that dreadful evening. "I do not believe anyone deserves to get raped, but I know I put myself at risk," she said, adding that after that night, she underwent a major transformation.

"My heart hardened up and I said, 'If this is how they want to play, let the games begin. I am going to drink to numb my feelings and do lots more drugs.' By the time I was 24 years old I looked like hell and was dying inside and out and did not care. I did manage to get in 26 videos on MTV, but they were begging for dancers back then."

Artme says that after she was raped, her relationships with men began to suffer.

"All my relationships with men were bad. All I wanted was to be loved, but I was picking the wrong men. I was letting them use me for money and drugs and sex. By that time I hated men."

Artme's vicious cycle of drug and alcohol abuse would continue until one of her old friends intervened and urged her to go to a drug rehabilitation and alcohol addiction treatment center. This would prove to be another life-changing event for her; Artme stayed clean and sober for 10 years as she entered the next leg of her life journey, which consisted of marriage, motherhood, and performing in Las Vegas as a Showgirl.

(Author's Note: Stay tuned for Part Two, in which Artme shares her recollections of life as a Vegas Showgirl. In the meantime, feel free to visit Artme's Content Producer page by clicking here.)