Creativity, Family and Recovery: The Journey of Artme

By the time she was 24, Associated Content Producer Artme knew all too well the perilous combination of underground club life, drugs and alcohol. Having been a self-proclaimed "club kid" since the age of 15, she found herself not only battling addiction but also dealing with the unhealed psychological wounds caused by rape. Artme found herself on the brink of self-destruction.

The intervention of a friend would eventually lead Artme to a place where she could begin the healing process. She would make her way to Hazelden, a non-profit organization committed to providing rehabilitative services for persons battling drug and alcohol addictions. Though she was now in a position to focus on improving her mental and physical well-being, Artme had some additional goals. "I had my mind set on getting married and settling down," she said, adding, "I wanted a baby - and a smart one at that!"

As fate would have it, Artme's desires for marriage and family would soon come to fruition. Peter, an art dealer, was also in recovery after his own battle with alcoholism. Eleven years Artme's senior, he quickly became smitten over the strikingly beautiful dancer and artist.

"He was tall, very smart... In a way, he was my knight in shining armor," Artme revealed as she reflected on how they first became acquainted during the early stages of recovery. "He kept sitting by me at meetings. I could tell he liked me. I really liked someone else much better, but he asked me out and took me to the Art Museum." That first date was the beginning of a year-long courtship.

According to Artme, she and Peter couldn't have been more opposite. "He was 'uptown', I was 'downtown'. He was one of the best teachers I ever had though." Peter even paid for Artme to receive private tutoring so that she could earn her GED.

A year after dating, Artme and Peter wed. Two years later, Artme gave birth to a baby girl, whom the couple named Amy. It seemed that life couldn't have been better for Artme, now the wife of a man who loved and adored her and the mother of a newborn baby. However, one unforeseen complication emerged that would further test her faith and her marriage to Peter. "I knew all along...Amy was not the same as my other friends' kids her age," Artme shared. Her suspicions would later be confirmed; when Amy was two years old, she was diagnosed with Autism, a developmental disorder.

"I was ready to be a mother, but not to a different type of child," Artme confessed. "Amy was like, in her own little world."

Having a special needs child took its toll on Artme, who made the decision with her husband to move to Las Vegas, where she could utilize her acting and dancing talents to earn enough money to provide the best care for her daughter. When an opportunity arose for her to vie for a Vegas Showgirl slot, she seized it. "They were looking for six new girls," Artme recalled. "I was the last one they picked."

"You had to be at least 5'5" and no more than 125 pounds," said Artme. "And not only able to dance well, but to know different styles of dance. You had to be very pretty - not just cute. You had to know how to sing, work with animals... Acting was very important; many who auditioned were better dancers than me but did not get the job. And most of all, you had to pick things up very fast!"

To someone on the outside looking in, Artme's newfound career might have appeared to be a glamorous chance of a lifetime. She was afforded an opportunity to perform in the famous musical, Splash, and she seemed to be a superstar in the making. But Artme was quick to admit that there was much more to her experience than one could see from the captivating aesthetics and bright lights.

"My life as a Showgirl was lots of work. I had to keep my weight just so; that meant no junk food, and working out three times a week, plus rehearsals. In the musical Splash, there were only two stars. They got everything they wanted... Some people would to anything to get the chance to be the stars' understudies."

"We were treated better than most. But there were rules. You could not be late more than three times in one year. And vacation was out of the question. You had to do your own makeup or pay someone to do it for you out of your own pocket. I had someone do mine. I hate makeup but the look is Important... I had at least six wardrobe changes a night and on weekends, we did two shows a night. Thank God I have ADHD!" Artme joked.

Artme also admitted that the money she earned from being a Showgirl was barely enough to make ends meet. "I got paid at the time $60 a show, and my rent was $1,000 a month. Many Showgirls do side jobs, working conventions and parties. I did some daytime family shows - that meant 'not topless'. You get a lot less money for them. Looking back, I do not how I lived like this."

What began as an exciting new occupation for Artme quickly transformed into a means of escape from the realities of her life that she found it difficult to face. Painful memories of her past surfaced, along with the guilt that she felt from having a child with a disability. "I had a nanny for Amy," she stated. "At that time in my life, I was a workaholic. I really thought I would die if I stopped dancing. I began hating God and thinking He was punishing me once again for my past. I was to learn later on that He did bless me, but I couldn't see that while living in Vegas."

Artme says that her workaholism and escapism began to take a toll on her relationship with her husband Peter. "...I began to hate him for what happened to Amy," she said, adding that she agreed with Peter, who had accused her of being a "part-time mom."

Artme's downward spiral would accelerate when the one thing that she relied on for her sanity and sobriety was taken away from her - her job. "I got cut from Splash when I was 34," she stated. "I felt sorry for myself and started drinking again."

Artme's pain intensified when her marriage officially dissolved and she lost custody of her daughter. "I lost my husband and child... I did not care whether I lived or died... I started smoking pot and drinking after 10 years of being clean. I was doing all kinds of things to get drugs and alcohol." One of those things was stripping at whatever clubs would pay her the money she needed to feed her habits and numb the pain that she felt.

"The Land of Sin is not for everyone. Most of the people who stripped were girls who had bad childhoods or were raped as a child - or like me, later on - and they played the victim role over and over again... Vegas is not the place to heal from your past - too many temptations... Stay away if you are not healthy," Artme warned.

"God was saying, 'it's time to grow up' but I would not let go of my past - and forgive. So, I beat myself up for my past and things just got worse. I had pushed everyone away from me. No one did this to me; I did this to myself. I was not getting my way... I had to learn the hard way that you don't play games with your life and with other people," Artme confessed.

After her marriage ended, Artme found herself living with six roommates, all of whom were pursuing careers in various areas of the arts. The oldest of the bunch, she struggled with feelings of insecurity and helplessness. Attempting to fill a void, she continued clubbing, drinking and doing drugs for a year or so, but when she could no longer deny her emptiness, she contemplated taking her own life. She recalls the day when everything came to a head:

"I did not think I had anything to live for. I had a bottle of pills and a bottle of vodka. We were having a big party and someone stole my booze. And then I heard a voice say, 'You will leave this world when I want you to'." According to Artme, that someone was God.

At that moment, Artme knew that she could not continue to live her chosen lifestyle. "I called my best friend and my mother and they came and got me," Artme shared.

"And I have not drank or done drugs in 14 ½ years."