Creepy Old Men Who Go to the Prom

School social events and me did not mix together. I went to some dances in middle school and sat off to the side terrified. When a cute girl did coax me out on to the dance floor the only moves I had the confidence to muster were a couple of joke moves and no one was laughing. Needless to say, come high school time: I never went to dances. I did not go to prom. However, I have been to a prom.

Fast forward to my early twenties and I was in a life altering relationship. The most beautiful girl I could ever have imagined to say she loved me was actively in my life. It was a relationship with stress built in from the very beginning because she was still in high school and did not want her father to find out about us. The age difference was not all that much in math, but as I eventually figured out you cannot try and drag a high school girl into the adult world where you are trying to start a life, she has to live and get there on her own. I was very immature though, so we worked for a good while and I did my best to try and fit in with what she wanted to do and support her activities such as: the prom.

All of my girlfriend's buddies hated me I am sure. I was unfriendly and did not speak to them. Partially because I was actually asked not to try and become friends with them by my girlfriend herself and partially because I am not an extrovert with everyone I meet. Get to know me and then I go completely crazy on and with you, but in many cases there is definitely a warming up period. Any way, there I found myself in a park wearing a tuxedo for the first time in my life, and hanging out with high school kids and their parents. Awkward! It was a picture taking session and somewhere out there my hideous self is in someone's dear scrapbook. No one really said anything to me, but they did not have to, I could feel their whispered judgments and sense their eyeballs eyeing my receding hairline. I was very uncomfortable, but was happy to be there because my date for the evening was super fine in her lovely dress.

The Senior Prom was held in a small gymnasium at a school I had never entered before. Now I was not only hanging out with my girlfriend's younger friends, but crammed in tight and sweaty with a bunch of younger strangers. I just could not loosen up. Every conversational word that came out of my mouth revolved around the extreme heat and how uncomfortable it was in the gym. What a terrible date I was! I am sure I came across to others as a crabby old man. My date and I never danced. I did not twirl her out on the floor even once. A zero: that is my score for the prom and what I felt like for going. I should have had the decency to liven the party up and show those young whippersnappers how spaceman graduates of the year 2000 got down!

After the prom it is tradition for young girls to give way to the wiles of young boys and "hook up." This was the part of the night you'd think I would get into, but really I never felt comfortable until I was drunk and alone with my date. First we went to the home of one of her friends and her mom fed us beer. Once again, no one was outright rude to me being the older man in the group, but then again no one was making eye contact or speaking to me either. I wonder if I had initiated conversation if it would have been different? Maybe me and the kid's mom would have had things to talk about.

After we sat around the table drinking beer, an exciting, naughty thing for the younger ones, but not me as I was of age already, we departed from the room to our sleeping arrangements. I remember bunk beds in a small laundry room. I remember not complaining about the sweaty heat in THAT room and then I remember capping off the night by peeing in the trash can because I was too drunk and shy to go wander about asking directions to the bathroom.

Prom is an event in one's life that can become a milestone of a memory; particularly in "girl world." I assume I ruined that for my date. She showed up to the dance with someone she thought she loved, but realized too late that it was a creepy older guy who would whine a lot. I suggest everyone go to their prom in high school if for no other reason than to get the jitters out, just in case you end up at an important prom in the future. And, above all else: dance. Look stupid, smile, and dance like your feet are on fire, but know when to cool it and go slow with your lady because she needs to feel beautiful and you can easily give her a beautiful moment just by shuffling your feet to some Guns N Roses "November Rain" or something. I know, a bad choice of song from a different time, but it hits the right tragic notes for me and my prom memories.