Crohn's + Preparations = A Successful Romantic Dinner

So you want to have the perfect romantic dinner either with your significant other, or with someone you are more than slightly interested in, and you don't want your Crohn's disease to get in the way. How do you start to plan this love feast? In all honesty, for most Crohn's patients, if your illness is managed and under control, it's not much more difficult than it would be for anyone else.

First, decide whether you're going out or dining at home - yours or his (or hers). Going out has the advantage of your not having to clean your home, cook then clean up after dinner, or plan a menu and shop. It has the disadvantage of potentially not having items on the menu that you can eat without discomfort or worse; having to use a public bathroom, perhaps more than once; and being surrounded by strangers.

Cooking and eating in your own home allows you to make absolutely sure that your menu will have only foods you know you can tolerate, your own bathroom conveniently nearby, with everything you may need inside it, and a much more intimate setting. The downside is that you'll probably feel the need to do some housecleaning first, or at the very least, picking up; you have to do the work of cooking and then cleaning pots, pans and dishes later, and you'll have to shop for those foods you can eat.

If the romantic dinner is being planned not for someone who is your significant other, but for someone you hope will become your significant other, there may be things you don't want him to know yet, and you will be more concerned about impressing him with the food and the surroundings, and of course, your company, than if he is already your guy (or girl).

As someone who has Crohn's disease, my first choice is dinner at home. I like my own bathroom. I'm fortunate that my Crohn's disease is pretty well under control for now, although I do know from experience as well as reading that a relapse is always possible. The fact that it is under control means that I won't expect to be spending half of the evening (or more) in the bathroom, and I know I'll actually be able to eat without pain later, if I'm careful. I like being able to choose the food and prepare it in a way that I know will work for my intestines, and also be appealing and tasty to a healthy person. I also like to pick the background music with my dinner guest in mind.

This isn't true for all Crohn's patients, of course. Many would rather not have the stress of cleaning house, shopping, and cooking, especially if this is someone you really want to impress. If that's your situation, then do a little research on restaurants. Find one that has menu items you can enjoy without triggering a flare, easy access to bathrooms, large clean bathrooms, and good service. Look for a romantic atmosphere too. The tables shouldn't be too close together, as that not only can block your route to the restroom, but it also makes your dinner less intimate. Make sure the music is soft enough that you'll be able to have a conversation without shouting. Think elegance with simplicity.

Planning ahead is absolutely vital to a successful romantic dinner. You have to be sure that your Crohn's is managed well enough that you won't be spending too much time in the bathroom. If a flare starts on the day of the dinner, call and ask for a rain check. If he's your significant other, he'll understand. If she's someone you're crushing on, her response will tell you if she's worth your time. If you are well, make sure you take any meds you need to stay that way.

If you're dining in, start by planning the menu. From hors d'oeuvres to dessert, know what you're making and what you need to put on your shopping list. Shop for everything except fresh meat, vegetables, or fruits a day or two in advance. Buy the fresh stuff on the morning of the dinner date, if possible. If there is any part of your dinner that can be made in advance, do so. You may want to take "making ahead" into consideration when you plan your dinner. Remember that the less stress you're under, the better you'll feel. And for most of us, the less we have to do at the last minute, the less stressed we'll be, whether or not we have Crohn's.

A couple of days before your dinner, pick up your clutter and clean your home. If you have an understanding friend who'll help, don't hesitate to ask for that help. On the day of the dinner, make sure your bathroom is clean, and has fresh hand towels and plenty of toilet paper, as well as a convenient can of an odor eliminating spray. As early in the day as possible, set your table with a nice tablecloth, cloth napkins, your best china (or for some of us, your only dishes), candles in holders for that romantic candlelight, and glasses for water and for wine, if you plan to include that, at least for your guest. Get your CD player ready with music you think your guest will enjoy. Take the made-ahead things out of the freezer if they need to thaw, and give yourself at least a half-hour more than you think you'll need to make dinner. Shower as close to dinner time as possible, so that you smell fresh and clean.

When your guest arrives, give him his choice of drink, and invite him into the kitchen to watch your final dinner preparations. If he's brought a bottle of wine, put it in the refrigerator to chill if it's white, or un-cork it to let it breathe if it's red. If he's brought flowers, put them in a vase on the dinner table. This is the time you may choose to warn him that you may need to make unexpected trips to the bathroom. If he's not your significant other, tell him only as much as you feel comfortable with. Simply say your stomach has been having a little trouble if you don't want to give him your entire medical history. Then proceed with your dinner, and be your open charming self.

If you're going out, you should have already scoped out some restaurants as described above, and chosen the most romantic one that meets your needs, and made a reservation if that's necessary. If you're driving, pick your date up with plenty of time to get there. If you need to wait in the bar for your table, choose soda water or plain ice water as your drink. If you can tolerate alcohol, keep it to a minimum, especially if you are the driver. Ask the maitre d' to seat you either near the restroom or with a clear route to it. If your date is not your significant other, and you weren't able to make this request when you made the reservation, you may want to talk to the maitre d' or hostess out of your date's hearing, or you will need to explain. Again, give him only the details you're comfortable sharing.

Once you're seated, make sure you know where the bathroom is. If you've dressed up, and you should for a true romantic dinner, this may not be the night for an incontinence undergarment. If your Crohn's is under control, a liner in your underwear is probably sufficient. Order a non-alcoholic drink from the drink waiter if you're driving; if you're not driving, and you can tolerate alcohol and want to have a drink, you may want to have a glass of wine with dinner as your choice. Don't drink too much; it doesn't make a good impression.

Suggest sharing an hors d'oeuvre that you know you can eat without problems. If you have Crohn's, you will want to keep your meal light, even between flares. Several small meals instead of three large ones are much easier for your intestines to handle, and you'll feel better. Choose a light dinner item, or ask for a "to go" box and only eat part of it. If your date questions you about it, you can just say you're a light eater. If you and your date want dessert, it may be another opportunity to share. If you're lactose intolerant, I don't need to tell you to avoid anything with ice cream. If there's a dessert that you think you can eat, and it comes with ice cream, tell your date that he or she is more than welcome to all the ice cream. You can either say you're lactose intolerant, or that you don't care for it.

The rest of making the evening romantic is up to you. Food, wine, an elegant table, and candles don't make a romantic evening; you do. Keep your voice low, lean towards your date as you talk, touch him or her lightly from time to time on the hand or the arm, and convey with your body language that you're interested and attracted. Make it an evening to remember for both of you.