Crossing Over by Ruth Irene Garrett: A Bitter and Faulty Complaint On the Amish
Even accepting that Mrs. Garrett's father and possibly her particular church were abusive and spiritually manipulative, I found the book a bitter generalization about all Amish. And having myself escaped from a religious cult with my family, I did not appreciate her applying that term to the Amish church as a whole.
While I think that the abuse described by Mrs. Garret in the actions of her family and fellow church members is unacceptable for Christians, I also think that she herself behaved in ways unbecoming of a Christian, though much of the book talks about her relationship with God and her strong faith.
She blames her family's horror at her marriage to Ottie Garrett on their being Amish, but I don't know many people of any faith who would jump with joy at the thought of a naive, sheltered young girl marrying a worldly wise, thrice divorced man twice her age.
Otties behavior, which Ruth writes so approvingly of, was hardly conducive to good relations with the Amish-he was combative with them about their non-participation in the military, and made extra money sneaking pictures of the Amish for calendars that he published. The most loving, gentle, and liberal of Amish families would have been rightly appalled at such a match (as would any reasonable parents I know, Christian or not).
Mrs. Garrett's descriptions of her premarital sexual relationship as wonderful and good do not match with her claims of being a devout Christian either. While the book was meant as a defense of her leaving in the way she did and a degradation of the Amish, I could not reach that conclusion.
I found Mrs. Garret's behavior as offensive as her father's abuse, and I simply cannot fathom why she expected that other Amish would accept her and her husband, or want to speak to them, after they began gathering other bitter ex-Amish and collecting stories for a book with the purpose of painting the Amish church in its entirety as a cult.
One very important aspect to this story is that young Amish can leave before being baptized, and not face the bann. Ruth joined knowing she had questions about the doctrine and knowing that leaving later would obligate the church to put her in the bann. I know what spiritual abuse and cultic behavior does to people, as I have seen it first hand. I am also willing to acknowledge that among the Amish, there are likely abusive families and abusive churches.
However, one cannot, as Mrs. Garrett does, paint the entire denomination as a cult. That would be as ridiculous as saying that because one backwoods Baptist church incorporates bizarre rituals and spiritual abuse, all Baptists are cultists, or that because one Methodist beats his wife, all Methodists are abusive.
I am sorry for the difficult childhood Ruth Irene Garrett endured under her father's iron rule, but I am equally sorry that she chose a path of further difficulty and bitterness by her own actions as an adult. And I am sorry that I ever read the book.
Published by Margaret Delle
I'm the American wife of an amazing Ethiopian man, and mother to three incredible little boys. I stay at home, manage the household, read lots of good books, and write whenever I have the opportunity. View profile
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- The book makes sweeping generalizations and self-righteous judgements.
13 Comments
Post a CommentMy nearest and dearest friends and neighbors are Amish. Are they perfect? No, they are people who follow their own path filled with love, hard work, family, and yes, like everyone else, problems. I wouldn't choose to live anywhere else. I have learned so many, many good things from my Amish friends, as have my children and my husband. I feel sorry for Irene and her life experiences but I feel even sorrier that she is exploiting the Amish by trying to fit them all into her "personal box." To all who do not truly know the Amish, please do not judge them by Irene's story.
Irene is Ottie's sixth wife. He has lots of children he made and didn't support and then he married one younger than some of his own children and she will be supporting him with their books of lies. Go to their house for gambling and play poker and watch the amish girl deal and rake her prizes.
Irene was working for Ottie and his wife in Iowa and friends with his wife helping to look after the children while parents worked together. This was a homewrecker situation. The autobiography is not the truth about the way they met and fell in love. He was married! The both of them just want to make money on books of lies and they run a poker game in their home now for years, she is dealer and not living on the Christian morals she portrays
I first realized the book was biased when she said the Amish have no senses of humor. Her bitterness at her father's abusive ways seems to set the keynote for the entire book. I am English, and am fortunate to have many Amish friends -- who enjoy a good joke, are empathetic and kind-hearted. Claudia Jaggers, Centerville, PA
I agree with others that Ms. Garrett did not paint all Amish as bad. She was quick to point out the good points of various people she knew, especially her mother, and to acknowledge that there were more liberal and open branches of the Amish. I believe she also acknowledged that her premarital sexual choices were not right. She gave her reasons for those choices, but did not seem to be condoning her behavior overall. How many completely consistent Christian people of any denomination do any of us know, most especially ourselves? Most importantly, this is her story. She admitted to having rationalized premarital sex, and shared with us her agony about leaving the community. We see a genuine human being faced with choices most of us have never had to face. As far as I am concerned, the greater burden was on Mr. Garrett, who ought to have known better and whose conduct is the more reprehensible due to his age and experience in the world. In the final analysis, Irene's book is a report
... her escape. I am just glad that she stuck with her choice and did not later divorce him and continue with someone different, and culturally more suitable for her. Every person's story and experiences are going to be different. I am glad that your friend was able to get out of her situation successfully and make good decisions. If she writes a book then I would be willing to read that too.
I think one of the biggest reasons why she ended up with someone, who by cultural taboo says she should not be with, is because she did not know any better. He was her only escape. Granted it was probably not the best choice and it is definitely not something that I agree with, but for her it was one of her only options. I obviously don't know the guy but who says that just because he has a disability and is older then her that he is a bad choice or a bad person? I know a lot of people who have disabilities who live a very fulfilled life and find ways to earn money. He found work and did the things that he could. I think that when you read this book you have to put your own judgments and perspectives aside and put yourself in her position and in her shoes. She lived in a different world that I will never know and she experienced things that affected her life and made her perceive things differently. Maybe the reason she made the choices she did is because she thought that was he
Kim, because you do not know me, I do not know how you feel confident in making that assumption. It is not the escape from abuse that I have a problem with, which is actually rather obvious in my article.
I have a friend who has left her Mennonite church due to ongoing abuse from her husband and inaction from the church. I believe she is right to have done so. That's not the issue I have with the author of this book by any means.
The difference between this author and my friend is that my friend chose to make healthy life choices, keep her faith, and refrain from bitterness. She sought help and support in the right places.
Exactly Joanne. The author's family may have been abusive but she made choices that were very unhealthy and essentially defends her relationship with a predator. The book faults her family for being upset with the relationship--I can't think of a family of any faith (or no religion, even) that would rejoice in that relationship. Yikes.
Also, I got the book from the library and I am extremely happy that I didn't buy it and help Irene support Ottie.