Cruise Line Reviews: Royal Caribbean Cruise Line

About three years after I retired, my spouse and a neighbor couple came up with a brilliant idea. "We're going on a cruise," I was told. "No, we're not," I replied. Three weeks later, we were climbing the gangway to board Royal Caribbean's Vision Of The Seas.

The seven-night trip, which sailed from the port of San Pedro near Los Angeles, included visits to coastal towns along what was called the Mexican Riviera. They included Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta. Among my more inappropriate gripes were, "If Mexico is so damned great, why are all the Mexicans trying to get away from it?"

I just didn't want to go to sea again. I had been on several cruises in my youth. The first was during World War II, consisting of 18 months aboard a Navy attack transport (APA),. Then, as a recalled reservist, an eight-month stint during the Korean War aboard an aircraft carrier. While the accommodations and food on those two ships were adequate, my most vivid memories more than a half-century later were that at times during those cruises, some very unfriendly people were trying to kill me.

As we came aboard (no, I didn't have to salute the flag and the officer of the deck) Royal Caribbean's Vision of the Seas, we were impressed at what was quite an impressive vision. It was huge, all shiny white with blue and red trim, nothing like the dull grey Navy ships of my youth. Instead of five-inch gun mounts and big circular tubs with 20mm and 40mm ack-ack guns, there were several swimming pools, spas, shuffleboard, badminton court, jogging track, outdoor buffet spread and a Mariachi band welcoming us aboard.

Through our friendly neighborhood travel agency, we had paid $700 for an ocean-view cabin, not much bigger than a closet. What the hell. We were only going to be in it for eight hours a day to sleep. After we lined up in one of the many bar areas to get our cabin assignments, my spouse told the billeting officer (or whatever he was called) that this was her husband's first civilian cruise, and I had to be dragged aboard shaking with fear because of my unhappy record of seasickness during my Navy days. She was joking, but it got a lot of snickers of derision from other passengers in the line.

While I fidgeted in shame, the officer slapped me on the back, and laughingly told me, in a clipped, snotty, patronizing British accent, not to be afraid of seasickness. He explained that the ship's stabilizer system made it as steady as a rock, even in the roughest seas, and old salts like me had nothing to worry about.

Doggone my wife's idea of humor! I had never been seasick through two wars, air raids, bombardments and many heavy storms. Just as I was considering slugging the guy, he handed us a chit that upgraded us to a balcony stateroom. Listed at $1,200, it was almost twice the price and three times the size of the oceanview cabin. No extra charge, and he gave me the usual "thank you for your service to America" salute as we left. If the officer had been French, I would have kissed him on at least two cheeks. Hail Britannica!

What can I say about the cruise? It was grrrreat! The food? I gained a pound a day during the seven days and nights of three big meals, snacks and midnight buffets. Entertainment? Broadway/Vegas types of shows. Lots of legs, dancers, singers, a stand-up comedian and a magician. For the first times in years, my spouse and I danced to danceable old Big Band tunes. Casino? I won $150 at the blackjack table, then lost $200 at video poker.

Visits to the Mexican Riviera resort towns were just so-so. My spouse speaks fluent Spanish and had fun bargaining with the street vendors, but every town looked the same, all obvious tourist traps. We had been warned not to buy food from vendors nor drink unbottled water. We did take one excursion for $50 each, during which a too-dramatic driver dragged us around to the sights, mostly old churches and roadside stops where his relatives were selling Chinese-made doodads. We could have done better to just walk and wander.

Hey, wait a minute. If there was a drawback, it's because the ship was loaded with oldsters, including many with walkers and some in wheelchairs. Just a couple of families with little kids, and none of the 21-40 crowd you see in all the ads.

The seven-day cruise was great for we oldsters, who wanted quiet and soothing, interrupted only by eating and dancing. However, if I were young and looking for rock music and lots of he-she action, I wouldn't go on a cruise unless it was advertised as having a specific singles, youth-exclusive agenda. Would we recommend Royal Caribbean? You bet your royal butt we would!