Customer Service Pet Peeves

Average Mishandle Time. Toll-free numbers are costly for the subscribers. So, in call centers employee pay, incentives, performance evaluations, raises and promotions are largely based on average handle times (AHT's) or speed of service. In such jobs some employees will forsake service quality or accuracy for speed--and create problems for customers, their coworkers and possibly their companies and themselves. In their haste to meet AHT goals if they screw up or give wrong answers or resolutions, so be it. Doing so is worth the risks.

The Waiting Game. How's the following for setting realistic expectations, as they say in the business world? Imagine this automated message: "The expected wait time is either forever and a day or until a tortoise becomes president, after which you'll be connected to a representative or reconnected to the one who placed you on hold. Please be advised that before your call is answered you may be disconnected and have to call and listen to annoying hold music again. To prevent further delay please do not hang up or go into a homicidal rage."

Automated System (Voice Response Unit) Hell. You call and find yourself trapped in a phone maze with seemingly endless voice prompts. How about a prompt that routes you to a live person ... with a competitor?

Being A Human Pinball. You zig zag among umpteen departments in the company before you're referred or routed to the correct one.

The Server Who Brings You Your Order and Then Forgets You Exist. The server brings you your order and then never comes back. You must flag down or shout to the server for tea refills and other requests. It seems this most often happens when you're dining alone. The servers pay more attention to groups of diners (maybe because of the possibility of more tips) than to the lone diners. Lone diners get minimal service unless they can spontaneously clone themselves. When servers forget about me I usually forget about their tips.

Unprofessional Phone Communication By Employees Such as "Uh-Huh," "Mmm-Hmm," "Bye-Bye," Slang, etc. Whenever "Uh-huh" or "Mmm-hmm" is substituted for "You're welcome" or a similar phrase it sounds rude as well as unprofessional, saying in effect, "Now go and bug me no more." Actually, saying "You're welcome" will understandably offend some callers. It conveys that you've merely done the caller a favor instead of your job. If your job requires you to speak to people by phone and you don't know how then either get retrained or make way for someone who does.

Employees Who Ring Up Your Purchase, Take Your Payment or Handle Your Transaction but Barely Acknowledge You. They don't look--let alone smile--at or speak to you while taking your payment. They treat you with indifference as if you are merely a transaction, not a person.

Employees Not in Restricted Areas Asking "Can/May I Help You?" As If You're an Intruder Instead of a Customer. Whenever I get this I think, "I'm a customer. Did you think I came here just to kill time? Of course you can help me, and I expect you to." People entering stores, restaurants, etc. are usually considering spending money in them. Treat customers as intruders, loiterers--or likely criminals--and they may take that money elsewhere.

Offices, Shops, Restaurants, etc. That Close Five or More Minutes Before Their Posted Closing Times. A cafeteria I once visited had closed at 3:45 p.m. instead of its posted closing time of 4:00 p.m.--and my watch was not 15 minutes behind. I would guess that places that close early for no valid reason either have especially fast clocks, wrong posted closing times or little or no regard for customers--and their money.

Seeing Multiple Aisles, Counters, Windows or Booths and Just A Few Open--With Long Lines. This is common in stores, supermarkets and the Post Office, which is notorious for this. Typically the few open are manned by employees giving slower than sludge service. They're in no hurry 'cause they have no worry. Maybe you should hurry to a competitor with enough personnel to handle its customers.

The Automatic Assumption That Two or More Customers of The Same Race Are Together. In such situations when an employee asks you the ignorant question "Are you together?" maybe you should reply, "Yes, we're together. We all know and like each other. All one billion or more of us. And tomorrow we have a meeting ... about you."

Misanthropic Employees Who Make No Effort To Hide Their Hatred For Mankind. They may be indifferent toward but also rude or argumentative to customers, coworkers and superiors and create tension in the workplace. They give customers bad service to spite them, certain coworkers and maybe their employers. They hate customers, their jobs, their coworkers, the world and maybe their lives.

Inattentive Employees. They have you repeat information multiple times--and still get it wrong. They're on the job only physically. Mentally they're elsewhere--at lunch, on break, off work, in the conversation you interrupted, etc.

Employees Who Don't acknowledge You Until They Complete Whatever They Were Doing Before You Arrived. These employees will finish counting money, preparing orders, etc. before even acknowledging waiting customers. This includes phone representatives busily typing notes on completed calls before greeting new callers.

Poorly Trained, Briefed or Informed Employees or Employees With Faulty Technology. You encounter an employee who has received inadequate or no information to fulfill your request or answer your question or is using a crappy computer program to do so. So you're stating, likely restating, your request or concern to an employee who has no clue how to address your question or situation because of inadequate or no prior training, briefing or documentation. No record exists of a long conversation you had with another employee. So, guess what. You and the employee you're now speaking with are starting from scratch.