Customizing Your Windows Computer with a Simpsons Sound Scheme

How many of you are not aware that all those sounds that emanate from your Windows-based computer can be personalized to suit your own individual style? How many of you who are aware that the Windows sound scheme can be tweaked and tailored can be done so in perfect accordance with sound bytes and music from The Simpsons? How many of you are really tired of reading articles about the Simpsons by me?

Here's a quick tutorial on changing your Windows sounds. Click on Start, then click on Control Panel, then click on Sound, Speech and Audio Devices, then Click on Change the Sound Scheme. This will bring up a box and you will see a list of words that begins with Asterisk, Close Program, and Critical Battery Alarm. Below that the list will continue. Next to certain words will appear an icon that looks like a loudspeaker. These are the Windows events that are accompanied by sounds and these are the Windows events whose sounds you can personalize with the plethora of Simpsons sound files on the internet.

The most obvious personalization you probably will want is the notification of mail being delivered to Outlook Express. In fact, there is an absolutely perfect sound file available all over the internet that has Homer crying out, "The mail...the mail is here...ooh." I have been getting informed of comments being left on my Associated Content articles with this little baby for over two years now.

Are you tired of that Michael Bolton-Celine Dion-Kenny G introductory music whenever you turn on your computer? What's the deal with that, anyway? I mean Microsoft is richer than Paris Hilton's Bible tutor, you would think they could hire the most creative musical artist in the world to come up with a piece of music that makes you look forward to rebooting whenever Windows crashes or freezes. But no. Well, have no fear; I have the perfect Simpsons sound file for replacing that middle-of-the-road abomination. You can find a sound file of Homer Simpson saying, "No time for that now, the computer's starting." Of course, if you want to go for the obvious you could always use Smithers' startup sound file featuring Mr. Burns saying: "Hello Smithers...you're quite good...at turning me...on." This is especially good if, you know, your name is Smithers.

You will notice that there is a sound file associated with a Windows event called a Critical Stop. Now, obviously, you will never have to hear this because Microsoft Windows has a history of behaving perfectly, but on the off chance that something critical does go wrong you can get your frustration out by using a sound file in which Mr. Burns can be heard banging his hand against this little piece of technology while crying out: "You call this a super computer?"

If you use Windows Net Meeting, there is absolutely no better sound to associate with a person entering the meeting than one of Dr. Nick Riviera's patented "Hi everybody!" sound bites. And when you empty your recycle bin there aren't many more sound files that are more appropriate than Apu saying "Thank you for coming...I'll see you in hell!" For you laptop users out there what better way to be informed that you'd better get off battery power and plug the cord into the wall than by having everybody's favorite "special student" Ralph Wiggum remind you that "It's fun to obey the machine."

And then when the working day is done and you just want to have fun-whether you are a girl or not-and it's time to shut your computer down, you really have an amazing set of possibilities. For instance, there is Homer Simpson saying "That's it. I'm out of here." Or Homer kissing off the day with his insightful, "Done and done." Or how about Bart Simpson saying "Have a good life." One of my favorite sounds to use as your Windows shutdown is when Homer Simpson cuts everybody in the credits from the show like they are players on a football team. The only problem is that it is incredibly long and if you are in a hurry to shut down, forget about it. If you want to avoid that, I suggest going for Grandpa Simpson saying "Nuts to you." Of course, if you really want to make a statement about Microsoft and Windows then there really is no more appropriate sound file than to use as your shutdown choice than Groundskeeper Willie saying "Ah, back to the Loch with you, Nessie."