Cutting the Drama

One day I woke up and found myself in the middle of this drama. I wasn't sure how I ended up there, but I knew I wasn't happy. I had worked too hard to be myself and to start to be okay with being me (for the most part), to let this negativity bring me down. When you struggle with self-worth, it is an up hill battle most times. We are our own worst enemies. Along with fighting my inner demons and society's conventions, I was faced with all this external garbage.

I am a pretty flexible person. I have forgiven many things. To save friendships, I have all but forgotten painful memories. Even though it broke my heart, I tried to be understanding when people have said or done something cruel. I have still believed in people who have betrayed my trust. Above all I have wished for happiness for everyone in my life, even if it made me miserable. Despite the hurt and pain all of these things bring, I would gladly do them again. I love my friends and family too much to do anything else. You can only hold on to anger for so long. If you try to hang on for an eternity, it will consume you.

However, there are some things I am just "over." There is a point where enough is enough and you have to take care of yourself. From this day forward, some changes need to be made. I no longer have the patience for fake people and people who can't just tell you something to your face. Seriously folks, grow up. I need to stop wasting my time trying to impress people who treat me like I do not matter. I need to remember that it is not selfish to think that, on occasion, what I want does matter. I will stop settling. I need to remember no attention is better than fleeting attention or attention for the wrong reasons. Yes, I do not deserve to be ignored or treated like I am invisible, but I should not be as hurt when it happens. As depressing as being relegated to the girl with the "great personality" is, I still have great friends that love me. Along those same lines, sometimes people do not realize how hurtful the words "great personality" can be.

At the end of the day, there are people who would kill for my life. It is far from perfect, but I make enough money to get by, my family is awesome, and my friends are some of the best people you will find. I need to be grateful for what I have and cherish each moment. I'm still fighting an uphill battle, but it doesn't have to be as painful as I have been making it.