Cyber Bullying: Nothing to Laugh About

The anonymity provided by the internet makes it easy to do things we wouldn't do in real life. People become dehumanized, and their flaws may seem magnified. For sociopaths and bullies who dehumanize their victims anyway, the internet just makes it more convenient to torment them.

For regular bullying victims who have typically found sanctuary at home, cyber bullying is making their lives hell.

Typically, cyber bullying stays between classmates. Joanne, a 14-year-old freshman at a private California high school, was interviewed by USA Today. After having a fight with a friend at a sleepover, she was harassed for three months with threatening emails and insulting comments on her blog. "I dreaded going on my computer." The cyber bullying didn't stop until school officials intervened.

But sometimes cyber bullying becomes even more sinister. Megan Meier, a shy thirteen-year-old with emotional problems, though she'd finally found a friend on MySpace. Josh, a cute boy who lived nearby, started contacting her. He seemed to like her. At times, Megan thought a relationship would develop. He claimed to be homeschooled, which explained why they had never met. After a month, Josh abruptly cut off contact with her, saying he'd heard she was mean to her friends.

Megan was heartbroken. The next day, as Megan's mother headed out to a doctor's appointment, she told her daughter to log off MySpace. Megan did not. Josh continued sending cruel messages, saying "Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat." Megan called her mother in tears. When her mother returned home, she was surprised at the foul language Megan had used when responding to these messages. She told her she was disappointed, and Megan ran upstairs. Her father attempted to comfort her, and she retreated to her room. Twenty minutes later, she hanged herself.

Her mother found her and immediately took her to the hospital, where she died the next day.

Who was Josh? It turned out "he" was a fake MySpace profile created by the parents of one of Megan's friends. The mother told the local sheriff she had hoped to gain Megan's confidence, to find out what Megan was saying about her own daughter to others. But the daughter gained control of the profile, and started using it to torment Megan.

When Megan's parents found out their neighbors were responsible, they took the foosball table they had been storing for their former friends, destroyed it, and dumped in on the neighbors' driveway. The grieving parents are currently separated and working towards a divorce.

Megan's life is over, and the lives of her family members have been all but destroyed - all because of some mean-spirited cyber bullying. Although Megan was medicated for depression and ADD, her parents say she was upbeat and happy until the Josh fiasco.

Meanwhile, in the U.K., a nine-year-old girl started a LiveJournal when she learned she had been diagnosed with leukemia. She used it to update friends on her progress. Lately someone's been leaving horribly insulting messages and death threats. While Sophie's parents shield her from most of it, she's aware that something is going on and "hasn't been sleeping well," according to her parents.

Cyber bullying can be random, but it often originates with someone the victim knows in real life. Children and adolescents are the most common targets. Everyone knows the best way to respond to a bully is not at all, but it can be difficult to avoid the temptation to defend oneself. If you know or suspect that your child has become a target, here are some tips.

1. Talk to him about how he feels. The bullying may be bothering him more than you realize, or maybe it's not bothering him much at all. If he is able to handle the bullying on his own, let him, but keep an eye on him to make sure he's coping and the bullying is not becoming a real threat.

2. Tell her to just delete the messages right away, and not read them. Offer to screen her emails for her if she has trouble with this.

3. If he sees the bullies in real life, tell him not to bring it up or act like the messages bothered him.

4. Talk to her about how she wants to deal with it. She may want to wait a while to see if it stops, or she may want you to contact the bully's parents right away. Respect her wishes as much as it's reasonable to do so. If the bullying becomes serious, and especially if there are physical threats, bring in parents and school officials right away.

5. Remember that a bully's parents might not have the same philosophies you do. If they don't seem concerned about their child's behavior, don't depend on them to control the child. Hopefully, school officials will be able to step in at this point.

6. If your child has emotional, social, or mental problems, take extra care to make sure she is able to interact with her peers in a healthy way. Medication is not a substitute for talk therapy and parental support. Don't make her feel like she's crippled or sick, but give her the attention and care that she needs.

Cyber bullying is pointless and cruel, but as long as the internet exists, it will likely remain a widespread problem. Helping your children develop the coping skills they need will serve them well in school, and as adults in this dog-eat-dog world.