Cyber Bullying: What Parents Should Know About This Scary Trend

Once upon a time, bullying was a playground thing. Schoolyard insults, pushing and shoving expanded to the middle and high school stages with whispers and darker insults. New kids, shy kids, and other kids who feel out of place are typically the victims of such bullying. These are typically the kids that dread to go to school for fear of embarrassment, shame, or the fear that comes from being harmed or believing they will be harmed by their peers.

As more and more students begin to rely on computers, the internet, and cell phones as their primary sources of communication after school hours, bullying has also taken a step into the electronic age. What's now known as "cyber-bullying" is sweeping across schools all across the country like wildfire, and many parents are completely oblivious to the turmoil that follows their children home from school like a dark cloud.

A cyber-bully uses email, instant messaging, chat rooms, and even text messaging to insult, threaten, harass, impersonate, and even humiliate their peers - in many cases, in the form of lewd or embarrassing photographs online - all while hiding behind the veil of anonymity that the internet provides.

As children get older, the insults, rumors, and overall humiliation expands from the common childish insults to hurtful comments often sexual in nature, which include profanity and detailed reports (both true and untrue) of promiscuous activity. With online sites such as Myspace.com, LiveJournal.com, Blogger.com and many others, pictures, video, and comments can be posted about anyone- not just for a whole school to see, but the entire internet community.

Unlike the schoolyard bully or the popular high school clique, these online attacks aren't just by some scary kid or elite group wanting to push their weight around. The cyber-bully can be anyone the victim knows - sometimes, the victim doesn't even know their attacker! However, many times, the bully is someone that the student thought of as a friend. And unlike the bully on the playground, a "cyber-bully" can actually be comprised of one or many kids online - and by the time it hits the internet, literally thousands if not millions have seen it. A cyber-bully hits their victim hard, in a place where they feel they can't escape. The one place they could have possibly felt safe. Their home and bedroom.

No matter how often a parent and child communicates, kids that become the victims of cyber-bullies are afraid to tell their parents, for fear that their own personal computer could be taken away from them, or that their parents will only exacerbate the situation. What the victims don't realize is that unless the bullying comes to a stop, it can escalate quickly and leave permanent scars.

Kids need to know how to navigate safely online, as well as how to prevent and protect themselves against these situations. In the same respect, children who might be tempted to engage in this type of activity need to be made aware that there are severe personal consequences to this type of behavior. They need to be made aware that before they make these choices, once information is posted on the internet, it is often their forever. As much as they may want to regret their behavior later, the damage is done and is irreversible. Experts say that victims of cyber-bullying suffer severe psychological trauma and often require professional help. Many have to move to other schools, and their mental state is so delicate that their grades drop to a degree that they cannot qualify for college upon graduation. Many individuals find themselves affraid to form close relationships with new people. In the most severe cases, suicide and murder are not uncommon.

No matter if your child is a victim or the bully, they need to be made aware that this is a very serious crime and several states are enacting laws to make this sort of communication a felony. In Pennsylvania, for instance, an individual convicted of cyber-bullying risks stiff fines and jail sentences. A cyber-bully may be able to hide from their victims, but they cannot hide from the law. Each time someone accesses the internet, an IP address is established. This 12 digit number, punctuated by three periods is a form of electronic fingerprint that can be accessed by authorities. It traces all electronic communication, proving that no one is truly anonymous in cyberspace.

Children need to be made aware that the more personal information they give out via instant messaging and blogs or online journals, the more it can be used against them, not only by those the message was intended for, but by others that stumble across it.

If you fear your child is a victim of cyber-bullying, there are some things that your child needs to know. A child should never give out personal information. This includes their school's name and the names of any sports teams they play on. They should know never to use their real name in any variation as a user or screen name. They should report any and all cyber-bullying activity they receive and never directly respond to the bully. All messages should be saved and printed - not erased. If they know the name of the bully, they should keep track, and provide all details of the incident(s). The crime should be reported to the police. However, if you are afraid to call the police, you should email a report of the incident to a cyber crime reporting site. Block users from contacting via email and instant message. Your internet service provider should have instructions on how to do this.

Remember, you (and your child) are in control of your online experience. It is unacceptable for you to be abused or threatened in any way. Action must be taken against it immediately, or lasting damage could occur.