Cyber Relationship: Cheating or Not?

In the internet age, connections with people from all over the country and even the world are now as simple as a few clicks of a keyboard and mouse. We are able to virtually 'meet' people we never would have had an opportunity to meet before. The anonymity of the internet in one respect provides the perfect cover for us to let our guard down and be ourselves, without apology, to people miles and miles away. There is a sense of safety in spilling our hurts and emotions to someone we know we may never meet in person.

Cyberspace relationships are becoming more and more common. There was a time when people gasped in shock when a couple would say they had met on the internet, but nowadays, it is becoming the norm. Even when people don't meet through the internet, it seems a good portion of our communication is via electronic means - phone, text messages, email, blogs, and instant messengers.

For many, cyber relationships have granted the web surfer a group of friends and acquaintances that the person might never have had otherwise, taking shy, reclusive, homebound, ill or otherwise unsociable people and giving them an outlet to surround themselves with cyber friends. For some, these relationships can be very real, rewarding and fulfilling.

But what of those who already have relationships in their day-to-day lives, but still seek out those cyber relationships with others? One reason for this, again, is the anonymity of the whole internet scene.

If a husband is having problems with his wife, they are arguing and fighting all the time, and he feels she doesn't listen to him anymore, he is only a few keystrokes away from some woman who is wiling to give him what he needs, without any other responsibilities of a relationship.

If a woman is fighting with her husband, feels unappreciated and taken for granted, she has only to turn on her monitor and connect to the internet to find a man on the other side of the screen who will tell her all those things her wounded ego needs to hear.

Now, neither are actually involved in a physical or sexual relationship, but the fact is, they are sharing their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs with someone other than their spouse. Emotional affairs are often more devastating than sexual affairs when the spouse is sharing with another all the things he or she should be sharing with their partner.

It's okay to have online friends and even to share some of your thoughts and feelings with them, confide in them, and have the anonymity of the internet to protect you. But where do you draw the line between an innocent online friendship and actually having a cyber affair?

The best rule to gauge this by is to determine whether more time is spent in quality conversation with the online 'friend' than with the partner. If you are spending more time on the computer talking to others than talking with your spouse, then there is a definite problem. When you share your personal feelings about your partner with another instead of talking to your partner about your problems, you definitely have an issue.

Basically, when the computer and the people behind it begins to replace your real life connections with people in person, and especially when those cyber relationships are taking the place of time with your partner, you are having a cyber affair.

Signs of a cyber affair:

• Spending more time with online friend on the computer than with your partner.
  
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• Sharing thoughts and feelings with someone online that you should be sharing with your partner and are not.
  
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• Seeking time away from your partner in order to spend more time online with your cyber friend.
  
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• Sneaking around behind your partner's back in order to communicate with your cyber friend.
  
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• Lying about talking to or how much you talk to your cyber friend.
  
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• Lying about the things you discuss with your cyber friend.
  
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• Discussing personal issues between your and your partner with someone else online while not discussing these issues with your partner directly.
  
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• Creating online screen names that your partner doesn't know about in order to talk to people online without getting caught.
  
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• Having cyber sex or talking about sex and sexual situations with someone online, especially when you hide this from your partner.
  
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• Sharing emotional feelings or saying, "I love you" or "I want you" or other typical relationship emotions with someone online, especially when your partner is not aware of this.
  
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Many people do not consider cyber relationships or cyber sex cheating, but when it comes right down to it, if the cyber relationship takes away from real life relationships, replaces time and sharing with your partner, or interferes with your real life relationship in any way, it is cheating.

Most importantly, if your partner feels as though you are cheating on them because of how much time you spend online with another, the things you share online with another, or because you are giving something to another that rightfully should only be given to your partner, then you are cheating.

There is nothing wrong with cyber friendships and relationships as long as no one is getting hurt and everyone is aware of what is taking place and approves. However, as much fun and as comforting as cyber relationships can be, they can never truly take the place of the comfort of a warm body next to you at night, the touch of a hand from someone who knows you in real life, or the intimate conversation between two people face to face. When your cyber relationships begin to affect your real life relationships in such a way that you risk losing those things, it's time to really reevaluate your priorities.

Cyber relationships can indeed be affairs, and cheating hurts everyone involved. Step back from the monitor and make sure you are doing your real life relationships justice, giving your partner those things that rightfully belong to him or her. If you would not share certain things with another in real life outside of your relationship with your partner, it is not okay to share them in the cyber world either.