Cyberbullying and Your Children: What You Need to Know

Have you ever been the victim of a school bully or know anyone who has? If you haven't, just imagine this: you're a teenager trying to cope with school, home, puberty and life in general, and someone takes it upon themselves to become your personal tormentor. They humiliate you in front of your peers. They insult your looks and/or intelligence. They go out of their way to make your life miserable, and as much as you try not to show it, you know they're really getting to you.

It's been proven that school bullying can leave lasting psychological and emotional trauma on its victims. Now imagine that the bully doesn't just disappear when you leave the school yard. With the use of technology, today's victims can be accessed at any time of day where ever they may be. Even if they aren't on the Internet or using their phones all the time, they are trapped by the knowledge that there is someone using a public forum to embarrass them 24-7. This is cyber bullying.

Here are a few facts about cyber bullying:

1. Cyber bullying isn't limited to children of high school age. Nine out of ten middle school students have had their feelings hurt online. Four out of ten middle school students have had their social networking, instant messaging or email passwords stolen and changed by a bully who went on to impersonate the victims. These are children whose ages range from 11-14, so it's a young and emotionally immature crowd who lack the coping skills to handle something like this.

2. 56% of cyber bullying happens in chat rooms, but it can occur anywhere people can interact on the Net and even off the computer (via cell phones or online interactive games like X-Box live). Some of the ways a victim may be targeted include but are not limited to the following:

- Posting attacks on social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace or Twitter

- The creation of websites, impersonating social networking pages or fan pages made specifically to embarrass the victim

- Attacking through X-Box live, Facebook games or other online games that contain a chat element (YoVille, Farmtown, Meez)

- Using Internet forums to deliver attacks and to convince others the victim deserves the harm

- Sending threatening emails to the victim or mass emailing others to make fun of the victim

- Sharing embarrassing photos of the victim taken in locker rooms, around the school, stolen from personal albums, shared in "sexting" before a breakup or just normal photos that have been altered to be embarrassing.

- Mean-spirited online polls

- Conversations being recorded on the phone or on instant messagers without the consent of the victim to be later shared on a public media

3. The bullies needn't be someone the victim actually knows from school. Many people (both children and adults) have been harassed online by complete strangers who simply didn't agree with their postings or opinions. Sometimes this anonymity makes it easier for usually good people to do or say things that they normally would not, so strangers may not feel they are doing anything wrong and will try to justify their actions as something good ("Well, I'm just creating this website about [insert screen name here] to warn people about what this person says or does"). People forget that they have no idea what's going on in the life of the person behind the screen name; they just go about making hurtful assumptions that can lead to some terrible consequences.

4. Most children who are being cyber-bullied will not tell their parents about it.

So how can you tell if your child is a victim? Here are some warning signs suggested by Cyberbullying.us:

- He/she unexpectedly stops using the computer

- He/she appears nervous or jumpy when a text message, instant message or email appears

- He/she appears uneasy about going to school or outside in general

- He/she appears angry, frustrated or depressed after using the computer

- He/she avoids discussions about what they are doing on the computer

- He/she becomes withdrawn from usual friends and family members

If you or your child is a victim of a cyber bully, here is some advice to make it stop:

1. If you are a child reading this TELL YOUR PARENTS! I know it may seem like something you want to handle yourself, but the bully's greatest power is knowing you are likely to tell no one. Don't try to impress this person by proving you're not "chicken" and don't need the help of parents or teachers. They are going to tease you regardless, but you shouldn't allow yourself to stuffer in the dark with no one else knowing what's happening or being there to help. That's probably the loneliest feeling in the world and the bully doesn't deserve the power to put you in that place.

2. Parents, if your child comes to you about being cyber-bullied, take him or her seriously! Don't dismiss it as something kids will do. It was probably very difficult for your child to come forward and ask you for help. Be a parent; LISTEN.

3. I know this is a tough one because it may seem like a way to run away, but cut off communications with the bully. Block them on social networking sites, email, telephones, instant messagers, etc. Ask any friends who may think they are helping you by telling you what the bully is saying on his or her page to stop relaying this information. At school, do your best to not give the bully the reaction he or she is seeking. Make the person no longer exist in your world. Trust me, I know this is all easier said than done, but your reacting and participating makes this interesting for the bully. It's not fun teasing a non-reactive brick wall. Plus, any communication you have with the person can be used against you later, so why continue speaking with them online?

4. Report harassing websites, fanpages or imitation social networking accounts to the host of the domain or to the site. Facebook, MySpace and Twitter all have rules about harassment and impersonation. Most web hosts don't allow sites that attack private people either.

5. If the bully breaks the law, take legal action. Threats of harm, invasion of privacy, stalking and more behaviors in which cyber bullies tend to participate are against the law. If you are underage and locker room photos are being shared, that's child pornography. If a schoolmate is sending you sexual messages, that's sexual harassment. A police intervention, even if nothing comes of it, will likely show the bully that this isn't worth it.

A final tip for parents, monitor your children's online, telephone and gaming activity. Just because a game appears innocent with its colorful characters and backgrounds doesn't mean the other players are unable to torment your child. You may think the cell phone you bought her for her birthday is being used to contact a few good friends and to keep her safe in an emergency, but kids aren't as responsible with their phone numbers as adults and you never know what she may be reading or sending in those texts. The best way to keep your child safe is for YOU to be aware no matter how difficult or uninteresting that may seem. If it protects your little one, it's worth it.

Additional Sources:

Do Something. org: 11 Facts about Cyber-Bullying

Stop Cyberbullying.org

ABC News: "Sexting": Should Child Pornography Rules Apply?