Daddy's Lil Girl

He was so proud of his baby girl. She was the most beautiful child he had ever seen. Her complexion was fair. She had a strand of hair on her whole entire head. She only had a few and they were a bright red. Her eyes were hazel and big and round. Her cheeks were blushed and her lips a bright red.

Everywhere he took Jasmine that day, people would say. She is so beautiful. I bet she look just like her mama. Or so they assumed. Father himself was a tan colored black man. Not hard to tell his race. His father, my grandfather not hard to tell either. My grandmother though, a whole other story. Her mother was a very fair black women. So fair, you would have a hard time telling what race she was. People assumed she was white and she didn't tell them any different. Got treated better that way. Her Father, my grandfather was a white man of the Jewish faith. In those times it would have been a cause for a hanging if anyone knew if my great-grandmother was discovered to be black. When she had my grandmother she was very pleased to find my Nana as fair as she and with a hair of fine hair, curly hair, full and healthy. My Nana grew up knowing she was different from other kids.

She just couldn't figure it out. By the time she was 16 she figured it out just fine. Lets just say the Hair upstairs ain't always the same downstairs. If you get my drift. She also fell in love with my grandfather. Caleb Jaime Talley. His skin was dark and his manner a little rude. He was considered bad news and of course all the girls in town love the bad boy. He set eyes on my Nana Sadie immediately while she was coming out of the synagogue with my grandparents, known in the town as the the Steinbachs.

Steinbach's Nickle and Dime store was the best store in town. Other than in the store however, the Steinbachs' did not associate with the local Negro's and their precious daughter Sadie by no means was to date any Negro of any hue. They already had enough secrets as it was. Sadie had other plans. Once she wanted my grandfather there was no stopping her. My great-grandfather found out and beat her, cursed her and told her if she ever left to be with that nigga she would forever be cut off. Sadie's heart broke. Not because her father did not like my grandfather but because to hear him say that world meant he couldn't really love her or mother. She learned she was not what her parents wanted to be she was a black women and was proud of it and wanted to share her world with a black man. This to her made perfect sense. To her parents a unforgivable betrayal to the family. Death by disassociation.

My grandmother loved my grandfather and he loved her back. They were married for 20 years and shared a lot of love. First born was my auntie, Mattie Pearl, then my dad James Caleb, Robert Lee, Jerry Lee, Sharon Darlene, Wilhelmina Mae and Patricia Michelle. Aunt Mattie was the first to have any grandchildren. Then came me in 1970 and my grandmother fell in love with me. None of my aunties and uncles quite looked like my Nana's family and then i came and I looked just like her mother and little momentum of the past life she had to leave behind many years ago. A past soon to come back and bite her oldest son James in the behind.

February 1970, Downtown New Haven. What a beautiful place, The Elm, Yale Alumni, Shubert Theater and the Palace Theater. Although integrated, The Elm had it's setbacks at times. My dad brought me downtown to show me off. Here was his first born, his princess and he wanted the world to see me and know that he was a proud father no matter boy or girl. He himself only 21 years old had no idea what a baby girl would wear. He checked out a couple of stores and finally came upon a store my mother suggested called Rock a Baby wear. He goes in and begins to look around. He noticed the saleslady kept staring at him. Nothing new, he thought. Comes with the territory. BMS (Black Man Shopping), so he kept on about his business.

After 20 minutes of shopping for baby clothes he became very frustrated. My dad usually a calm individual began to lose his cool. Finally he humbled himself and asked the saleslady for the help. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm a new dad and have not a clue what to do. Can you help me mame, please? Ooh, she is so cute. Thank you. What's her name? Jasmine. What a beautiful name? Wow your mistress must really trust you? Why, what do you mean? To trust you with her precious baby. Oh, he replied. I can't just look and tell what size she is. I'll have to take her in the back and measure her for size. You understand don't you? My father very hesitant to hand me over to this saleswomen. She took me to the back for what seemed like a eternity to my father. When she came back out she had company, a police officer. My father a little confused and untrustworthy of police wanted to know what he was doing here. He hadn't caused any trouble.

He didn't yell or destroy property. He just could not understand why the police was here. My father had some trouble with the law in the past. When I was born he was in jail. This was his first time with me alone out in public and didn't want his only child to see him get into trouble today. He kept his cool. The officer asked, Boy, where did you get this baby? Boy? I aint no boy, and she belong to me. She my daughter, my first born, my princess. I don't believe you. She looks like a white child. Have you kidnapped this baby, Boy? Did you? No, no,no officer. I would never do that. Do you have any felony's? He didn't want to answer. Do you have any felony's I asked you Boy?

Sir, I served my time. I'm not bothering anyone. I would never hurt my daughter. She's my princess, my firstborn. The officer asked the same question for over 30 minutes. Til finally he agreed to call my mother and she came downtown to confirm he was my father. All my father wanted to do was go shopping with his babygirl. Instead he got detained and humiliated. His manhood questioned, even worse he was forever scarred. It would be 15 years before my father would go shopping with me again.