Daily Horoscopes: October 10

A student of non-traditional astrology, my daily horoscopes are direct and easy to interpret. You will not find a more relevant, honest or reality based set of horoscopes in this galaxy. Seriously, you can not find better astrological advice from a stranger on the Internet. I use the methods that have been passed down by my ancestors for centuries. Time tested and doctor recommended, these horoscopes will change your life. That is of course, if you were not born before 1873. No astrologer is better than Rex! Step right up and get the cosmic advice you have been looking for. Be sure to check back daily to get an edge on your day and the competition. You never know what the universe has in store for you, but I do.
Aries (3/21-4/19) - Consider purchasing an ant farm today.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) - Watch out for falling objects.

Gemini (5/21-6/21) - You will have an overwhelming urge to listen to Meatloaf.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) - Open no more than three closet doors today.

Leo (7/23-8/22) - Take a shower.

Virgo (8/23-9/22) - A mysterious aroma will fill your subconscious.

Libra (9/23-10/22) - Buy a lottery ticket today.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21) - Clowns.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) - A UFO is in your near future.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) - Today, your father was right.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) - You will meet someone who you should never have met today.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) - Dance like you were Billy Ray Cyrus in 1992.

Disclaimer: Astrology is total bs. You would have more luck asking a dog for advice based on the spatial distribution of its last fifteen bowel movements. However, you should be careful on that front, as dogs are generally quite protective of this information, and the location of their feces.