Daily Horoscopes: October 12

A student of non-traditional astrology, my daily horoscopes are direct and easy to interpret. You will not find a more relevant, honest or reality based set of horoscopes in this galaxy. Seriously, you can not find better astrological advice from a stranger on the Internet. I use the methods that have been passed down by my ancestors for centuries. Time tested and doctor recommended, these horoscopes will change your life. That is of course, if you were not born before 1873. No astrologer is better than Rex! Step right up and get the cosmic advice you have been looking for. Be sure to check back daily to get an edge on your day and the competition. You never know what the universe has in store for you, but I do.

Aries (3/21-4/19) - You will have a run-in with the unpredictable.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) - Do not look up.

Gemini (5/21-6/21) - A new lover is on the horizon.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) - Be on the look out for loose testicles.

Leo (7/23-8/22) - You will be strangely attracted to a normally offensive odor.

Virgo (8/23-9/22) - Shave it.

Libra (9/23-10/22) - You should not have done that.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21) - Hug a stranger.

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) - Steer clear of all beagles today.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) - Increase your intake of essential vitamins.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18) - Definitely the other one.

Pisces (2/19-3/20) - Did you really just say that?

Disclaimer: Astrology is total bs. You would have more luck asking a dog for advice based on the spatial distribution of its last fifteen bowel movements. However, you should be careful on that front, as dogs are generally quite protective of this information, and the location of their feces.