Dana and Bob

Dana had just hung up the phone after almost 2 hours of talking to her daughter Calli, who again had been crying, again trying to forget by drowning herself in the alchohol. Would she ever come to realize she was a victim and that she could survive, that there happiness was waiting for her. Dana began to think back. 38 years had gone by. What ever happened to the dreams she had for her baby. How could she have allowed things to go wrong.

Dana was only 15 when she became pregnant with Calli and was afraid to tell anyone. Nobody noticed she was sick all the time and had actually lost 15lbs. By the time her mom Dory did notice, Dana was almost 7mos pregnant. There had been talk of adoption by some of the family members, but Dana would have nothing to do with it, she was going to have and keep her baby. Dana was going to give her the life she had only been able to dream of for herself. Calli would never be beaten. Never be tormented. Never be molested or abused in any way. Dana would love and protect her baby girl, and she just knew in her heart it would be a girl. Everything she got was for a girl, pretty, pink and feminine

Dana had already turned 16 by the time Calli was born. She had been in labor for twenty hours, when they decided to stop any pain meds saying it was slowing down the labor. Calli was breach and after six more hours, they decided to deliver the baby by c'section. Dana was rolled to the operating room. The next thing she knew she was awake and still in pain. Across the room she saw her obstetrician, sitting at the desk. "Dr Scalzetti" she cried to him across the room. When are you going to make my baby come? He walked across the room to her bed and said, " Dana, your baby is already here. It's alittle girl" From that moment on Danas pain stopped. She had a baby girl, just like she knew she would. She could not wait hold her and kiss her new daughter.

A healthy 8lb beautiful baby girl Dana studied every inch of her new baby and everything about her was perfect. She had the roundest little head, with the biggest blue eyes and a little button nose. Her ears were perfectly shaped, with a little black fuzz around them and her lips were small and pink and had the gerber baby " O " shape to them. She had tiny hands and feet and her 21inches made her perfectly proportioned. a flawless little angel. As Dana held her perfect bundle, she wispered to her, all the plans she had made for the two of them while she had been awaiting Callis arrival. Danas hospital room was just outside the nurses station. She didn't have a roomate, they did not want the unwed mother with the married ones. Some of the nurses would make vague suggestions that maybe Calli would be better off adopted and have a mother and a father, but Dana would have none of it. It was probably for that reason, that she was encouraged not to breat feed. They were hoping she would change her mind.

They both left the hospital 6 days later, and went back to live with Danas grandparents, mom and siblings. Calli slept in a crib next to Danas bed, and Dana did everything she could to be the perfect mom. She got a job right away through a youth extension program, working as an office girl, for the Army Recuiting office. Calli would have everything and need or want for nothing.

As the months went by, Dana was amazed at everything Calli did. She was such a smart little girl and everyone loved and adored her. The family that had suggested adoption while Dana was pregnant, were now her biggest fans. She put a spell on everyone that came in contact with her. Even her Aunt Lonnie, could not help but show favorites over the cousin Brandi, that had been born just two months after Calli. Danas father who had never kept a promise her, except if it was for a beating, took Dana and Calli took the Zoo. It was the first time for them both.

Dana met Bob when she was 17. He was handsome and and so attentive, and as always, Dana craved attention. The second month they went together was Christmas. It was so wonderful Bob gave Dana a beautiful watch and they talked about a future together. It was that Christmas, that would be the first that she would remember. A few weeks later she realized she was pregnant again. This time things would be better. Dana and Bob would get married. It was like a fairytale.

Two weeks after Christmas, Danas paternal grandfather died. She really loved him. It was her grandpa, that drove her and her siblings to the train station and put them on the train. She was twelve and the oldest of seven. They were all on the way to her maternal grandparents house.They were leaving chicago and would never again have to live with their dad. Dana had not been to a funeral since she was five, when her uncle Lloyd had died. It had been a bad experience for her. When they walked her up to the casket and she looked down at him, she kept seeing him trying to open his eyes. She started screaming and had to be carried out. that experience would give her nightmares for years.

As she stood in the doorway of the room leading to her grandfathers casket, she was taken aback for a moment. From the door she could see her grandfather. His head and torso were propped so you could see it from the door. At her uncles funeral, you had took be at the casket and look down to see him. Bob took her arm and together they slowly walked forward. This time Dana was not scared. Her grandpa was so thin, and looked so old. Tears streamed from her eyes as she whispered how much she loved him and gently kissed his forehead. Bob never left her side. She held his hand tightly, as she watched her father and cousin Lumpy passing a flask back and forth. He couldn't even stop drinking for his own fathers funeral. Dana was so angry but that was not the place to say anything.

It would be a small wedding, nothing fancy. They had made arrangements to get married in the pastors office at 2pm. There would only be a few people, and there was no charge for an office ceremony. She had found a pretty dress, white with yellow daisies on it. The morning of the wedding, Dana and her Dory drove to pick up Bob and his mom Ida , to go to the courthouse 40 miles away to get their marraige license. They were both 17 and needed their parents permission. It wasn't till they got the courthouse, that Ida realized she had not brought his birth certificate. Now they had to find someone in Elgin to go to her house and, pick it up and bring it to the courthouse. They would have been better off making the round trip again themselves. By the time Bobs cousin Donnie and Danas brother Will got to the courthouse, it was almost noon. There would not be enough time to get get the license, get home change clothes and get to the church. The women issuing the license, suggested we we get married by one of the judges. Dana was wearing long sleeve black turtleneck with a brown tweed vest and matching skirt. Bob had on his tweed pants with a black short sleeved botton up shirt. Not exactly wedding attire, but it didn't matter they were going to be married and thats all they really cared about. Will and Donnie stayed and were their witnesses. The ring had cost less than $2

( the kind that turns your finger green) Judge Anderson was legally blind, and the ceremony was short and sweet.

In the car on the way back Bob and Dana sat in the back seat and started making grocery list. Dory was going to have a small get together for them at 8:00 and they still needed to get the food and a cake. As they rode, Dana started to have morning sickness. The women at the courthouse had given them a starter kit withsome household cleaners in it. Bob dumped it on the floor of the car, for Dana to be sick in. They dropped off Ida off at home and went to the grocery store. They got a cake and some sandwich meats and ready made salads. When they got back to the car, It wouldn't start. End of January, snowing and freezing cold. Dory called for a tow truck to give it a jump. Then dropped Bob off at his dads work. He would be using Eds car to pick up Dana and her clothes from her grandparents house and take them to Ed and Idas. Thats where they would be living till they could get an apartment.Dana packed her clothes including the pretty white dress with yellow daisies. Then she helped her mom make some meat trays. Bob picked her up and they moved her things into his parents farmhouse. Bob went to pick his dad up at work. When they got back, Bob was coughing. The cold was making his bronchitis to act up.

Ed and Ida had gone to the store, and for the first time they were alone. They knew it would not be for long, because they had to get ready for the reception. They unpacked Danas clothes and put them away. Before they knew it 7:30 had come and Ed and Ida had still not returned with the car. There was no phone to call anyone, so all they could was wait. At 8:30 Ed and Ida pulled into the driveway at almost the same time as Dory. She had come to see what had happened to them. There was not even an apology from Ed and Ida for being so late. All they said was to take the car without them, because they were to tired to go anywhere.

It was not much of a reception. By the time they got there it was really late. Danas grandparents had already gone to bed, and the people that had come, an aunt and a few cousins, had already left. It was Bob, Dana, Dory and 6 six siblings. Dana opened the one wedding gift that had been left by her aunt Terri. It was a set of bath towels.Bob saw how disappointed she was that things had turned out so bad. He called Donnie who had already left and asked him and another cousin Barry to meet at the bowling alley. There they all shot pool with Will and another of Danas brother Bud for a while. Bobs coughing became so bad, they decided to go home. When they got home, they discovered the doors were locked and had to wake up the house to get in. Bob was coughing so hard that it made him sick and he was haiving a hard time breathing. Ida made him something she called a hot tottie, and some kind of mustard plaster to put on his chest. All Dana knew was that it had a terrible odor. It had been a long day and everyone including the young bride and groom went to sleep. Bob would remain sick for almost a week, so Calli stayed with Dory, until he was better.

When Bob was finally able to go to work, he would drop Dana and Calli off at the grandparents house. Dana was uncomfortable being around Ida, She was a very boisterous women and at times seemed to be unstable. Dana stayed out of her way as much as possible, but she really cared for Ed. He was kind and soft spoken, that is when he was allowed to speak. He helped Bob fix up an old 57 ford and once they had their own transportation they were finally able to move into a place of their own

They got a tiny 3 room attic apartment in an old two story house. Bob was working in sales for a panthose company, and Dana stayed home taking care of Calli and fixing up the apartment. Bob was a wonderful dad for Calli and they loved each other so much. Everyday he would come home from work and Calle would get the biggest smile on her face and reach out to him to be held, and of course he was always happy to oblige. On Fridays after cashing his check, Bob and Dana would sit on the bed together, putting the money together with each bill that needed to be payed for money orders the next day. On Mothers day Bob bought Dana a television, She was thrilled, but not as thrilled as when he presented her with her very own wedding band. It was gold flourentine with a thin line of white gold framing it and little stars etched all around it. It was the most beautiful ring Dana had ever seen. A few weeks before Bob Jr was supposed to be born, they were able to move into a beautiful two bedroom apartment. It was at least 4 times bigger than the one they had been in and beautifully furnished. They were a family and everything was perfect.

It was the day before Dana was scheduled to have her C'section to deliver her son. Bob did not know, she was going to tell him the next morning. He got ready for work and as always before leaving, went in to kiss a still sleeping Calli goodbye. This time she woke up, so it took him a little longer to get out the door. As soon as he left, Dana put her plan into action. Her sister Bev came over and they spent the day finishing the putting the apartment together. They cleaned, hung pictures and made sure everything would be ready for when Dana brought the new baby home from the hospital. After Bev left, Dana made dinner and waited for Bob to come home. She was anxious for him to see what she had done to the apartment. It was getting late and he still was not home, so Dana fed Calli and layed on her bed together. They both fell asleep, and Dana had a dream that the police had come to her door and she woke up frightened. She realized it was late, and that Bob had still not come home. Suddenly she heard people coming quickly up the stairs, and soon they were pounding on her door. She opened it to see Ed and Ida standing there and could tell right away, they both had been crying. They told her that they had gotten a call from the police. Bob had been in an accident and we were to go to the police station as soon as possible.

Dana knew as she sat in the back seat of the car, that her dream of a perfect life was ending and a nightmare was beginning. She knew Bob was dead. If he had been injured, they would be headed to the hospital, and the police would not have asked his parents when they notified them of the accident, if there son had blonde hair. When they arrived at the police station, Ed was taken to a room by one of the officers. Ida and Dana were in the waiting room with a female officer. she was smoking a cigarette, and for the first time since she found out she was pregnant, Dana had one too. All she could say was she wanted to see Bob. When Ed came out of the room with the officer, they all went outside. Dana and Ida were put in one police car, and Ed was put in another. as they pulled away from the station, the cars went in different directions. Dana had finally been taken to the hospital. Her hopes were up now that Bob was there and injured in some way but at least alive. She kept asking to see him and no one would tell her where he was. Finally an ER doctor took her into a room. He asked when the baby was due, and Dana explained she was to have a scheduled c'section that morning. Then he asked for Dorys phone #. As she sat at the desk and he dialed the number, Dana could hear screaming from another room. It sounded like Ida, but Dana could not move. She heard the Dr introduce himself to Dory over the phone.Then she listened as he said " your son in law has been in an accident and it was fatal. Dana was thinking to herself " what does fatal mean ". She just couldn't get the word to register. The doctor hung up the phone and said Dory was on her way and asked Dana if he could examine her. He gave her some kind of shot in her arm and after he explained that Bob had died. Dana remembers very litttle after that. The next thing she knew, she was in the back seat of her grandmothers car and the smell of her ciggarette. They went to the University Hospital in Chicago, where Dana was supposed to have her baby. Everyone agreed that it could be postponed for a week, so Dana could make arrangements for and attend her husbands funeral.

The first week after Bobs death, there was so much Dana had to do. She stayed at her grandparents and had to plan the funeral. It was Tuesday and the rent would be due Friday. She knew she would not have it, so the landlord agreed to let her out of the lease if everything was moved out by the weekend. She had to find a funeral home, pick out a casket and search for a cemetary. In between she had to pack for the move back to her grandparent house. She had no money to pay for anything. There was no savings account, no life insurance policy. Who would think of that when your carefree teenagers? Her Grandfather would buy the cemetary plot, and Bobs boss had agreed to Pay for the funeral.

Danas Aunt Terri found her a black maternity dress to wear, fixed her hair and put some make on her. Dana was numb, her Drs been had given tranquilizers to help her through the week. She was just going through the motions. She walked through the doors of the funeral home and a to the door that led to where Bobs body layed. She stood there for a moment apprehensive about going in. Her legs were shaking and someone ( she did not even look up to see who) was holding her up as they walked towards the casket. That was not her Bob. He never would have combed his hair back like that, or button the top 2 buttons of his shirt. As she studied his face, she saw that the left side had no freckles. The funeral home had warned that she should consider a closed casket, but Dana could not bear to have Bob closed up like that. She did not know that his face would have to be filled in on that side because of the damage caused by the accident. As she touched his arm, she felt the gaping whole beneath his shirt and jacket. She unbuttoned the top two buttons of Bobs shirt and requested that the funeral director comb his hair the right way.

As she sat in the chair the people filed by. The words were always the same " so sorry for your loss, if theres anything I can do". Dana kept thinking if she heard those words one more time she would scream, but she didn't scream she didn't say anything. How could she say thank you to someone for being sorry and there was nothing they could do. Their words would not make everything OK, they would not take her back to a few days before when everything was so perfect and they would not bring Bob back to life! The rest of the service was a complete blurr. Dana did not remember the Pastor or his words. At the cemetary all she could do was stare at the casket and the weeping willow tree that it layed under. Thats how she had picked the casket. It had a weeping willow tree painted on the blue satin on the inside of the lid, and there would also be a weeping willow carved into his headstone.

After the funeral, everyone went back to Danas grandparents house for some refreshments. Dana sat at one end of the sofa holding Calli. She just wanted them to be left alone. Everything was in slow motion and as she looked around the room she saw the people standing around eating, drinking, talking and laughing. Tears streamed down her face. How could they laugh, she thought? Didn't those people realize her world had been destoyed. She was scared and alone. There was certainly no room for laughter. Did anyone know what she was going through.

The next few days Dana finished moving out of thier perfect apartment. Taking down the pictures she had just hung just a few days before. Packing the clothes of her beloved Bob. Now she Calli would share the same room that they had been in when she brought Calli home from the hospital. Calli would wake up at night, and standing in her crib cry as she held her arms out to the picture of Bob that was sitting on the chest across the room. Danas heart ached for her. She knew how much she missed her daddy and wanted him to pick her up and play with her like he used to. Dana wished the same, but it would never be.