Dancing Alone

Is there anyone else out there in cyber land that has to do almost everything alone? Hello, are you out there? Back in high school I had friends and buddies to hunt, fish and run around with, but that was a long time ago. I'm not a natural joiner, even though I can speak to large groups and was formerly a member of the Gideon's, a bible distribution association. I don't feel naturally comfortable around groups so rarely go to company picnics or parties because office politics literally make me sick, but I can go for the sake of others. Pretense and fear of man are two of the most rampant diseases afflicting mankind. For example when I was employed in the engineering department of a large corporation several years ago, I was promoted to senior draftsman. I had decided to resign but the chief engineer there offered me a raise and promotion to stay. I temporarily accepted his offer.

Two of my associates - the one that sat behind me and the one in front - wouldn't speak to me for envy. They would talk around me and over me as If I were not there. They were angry because I did an above average job I suppose, since the company did not issue promotions for lack of something to do. I bit my lip and said nothing, then called my boss when I finally decided to leave that position and told him "Please divide my promotion and raise between 'Lum and Abner', and maybe they'll be happy". He told me that their brown nosing hadn't done them a bit of good. His reply made it all worthwhile. After leaving there I heard that one of them was promoted, leaving, as I suppose, only one disgruntled employee. Personally I would have been ashamed to have been so childish and immature. I'd rather be alone than to have to put up with that sort of thing and be a fake and project pretense all, nay any, of the time.

I now hunt, fish, and do nearly everything alone, except for the things my dear wife can do with me. When my son was born I hoped I would have a good partner to do stuff with, but he has never been the least bit interested in anything I do. Broke my heart then and now, but I never tried to force any of our children to do anything to suit my ways. I concentrated on exposing them to as many things as possible and then letting them decide what they liked. So now I go on doing the things I love by myself. My wife loves to do many of these things but is not able to walk with me. I've gotten into some tight spots with no one else along, and have gotten out of them by the grace of God. All by my lonesome - except for God of course - I've built a small sawmill, homesteaded our way into thirty wooded acres here in the Ouachita Mountains, hand dug our septic tank and field lines, built a tractor shed, work shop, made additions to our home, cleared land, felled timber, crossed flooded rivers, hauled masses of earth, ran heavy equipment and many other risky projects. The fact that I am typing this is proof that God protects and keeps those who have put their faith in him.

My guess is that there are a lot of men and women that have the same or a similar solitary lifestyle either in a rural, suburban or urban setting. I like people, but a lot of times it seems that a friend's mate shuts everything down. I'm not trying in any way to be sexist here, it's just an impartial observation made over a long period of time. On the few times in the past that our neighbor has come over, he is not here ten minutes before his wife calls and wants to know when he will be back. This has happened 5 or six times. Some people are so insecure and fearful that the thought of being a lone even for an hour is intolerable.

My daughter locked her keys in her car at the foot of our driveway a few months ago and I was away at work. Her mother reluctantly called this neighbor for assistance, and after he came over his wife called within ten minutes wanting to know how long he would be! I'd rather be alone and without help than be hounded like that day and night. I've grown to enjoy being a loner and not receive condemnation from those that infer or actually tell me that my lifestyle is in error and that I am flawed. Because they can't understand the benefits of sometimes wanting solitude they will denigrate those that seek a little alone time. There are so many times in life when you need help in a terrible situation, and you look around and realize that you are the one that is going to have to do whatever hard thing that has to be done and face it alone. That's life. "The world doesn't want to hear about your sore toe, it wants to tell you about its sore toe". This is some kind of unwritten law of the earth - until now that is.

My present boss is a friend and a great guy but can't live on the family farm he so dearly loves because his wife hates it. I think it might have something to do with security. Lots of people, especially women, feel vulnerable if they get out of sight of the mall. Whether you are male or female you shouldn't rob others of their loves because of fear and prejudices. Every once in awhile we meet wives who want to do things that their husbands or boy friends refuse to take part in.

Death, we quite amazingly found, is a great segregationist. We home schooled our children for many years, and when our fifteen year old daughter Joanna Lee was killed by a drinking driver, the other home schoolers shunned us. It was like they thought that somehow our misfortune was going to rub off on them. Some vaguely inferred that it was our sin that led to our daughter's death! This was completely disgusting and sickening. We were devastated at the smallness and lack of compassion of those people. I hope that when someone needs mercy and compassion, I don't come down on them with a jackboot and a sneer. We were inducted into a club that we wanted no part of and made to be even more separate. I realize now that when disaster strikes some one, they need for you to tell them that you care about them. It doesn't matter if you don't know what to say since it only adds to their grief when you don't respond. It is not good to be alone God says, and we must force ourselves to attend to the wounded even though it is difficult. Their honest need must overcome our hesitation and fear.

If you like to be alone that's fine, just don't get weird about it. Many people over the years have been loners. Some of them were "normal" - whatever that may be - and some were really weird. There are plenty of articles on famous loners so I'm not going to launch into historical profiles. If you shun crowds and gatherings that doesn't necessarily make you weird. If you are a Christian I believe that God will see to it that you don't get terminally flaky.

As a whole mankind is pretty vicious so being alone is often advisable, but not to the extent that it hurts you, your family or others. Dancing alone is a melancholy exercise, so if you can, find a partner.