Dancing with the Stars 2010 Finale - and the Winner Is... Nicole Scherzinger, What a Shock

The Dancing with the Stars 2010 finale was a night of high-flying fun, laced with the high anxiety of impending double elimination and victory. The evening saw the return of all season 10 contestants, including ever-polarizing figures Kate Gosselin and Pam Anderson, the last few competitive dances, and the eventual crowning of Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough as the Dancing with the Stars 2010 winners. Here's how it all played out.

The second night of the Dancing with the Stars 2010 finale opened with a high-energy dance set to the tune of I'm So Excited. The routine was delivered by a substantial chunk of the DWTS season 10 cast, less NFL star Chad Ochocinco, who sustained a football injury and is unable to dance. Then, co-hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke went on to explain the night's scoring system for the two remaining competitive dances. For the favorite dance round, the judges won't actually score the couples individually; instead, they'll rank them one, two, three, with the top scorer earning a 30, second place 28, and third 26. That sucks. Lame, lame, lame.

Up first in the favorite dance round were long-standing Dancing with the Stars 2010 judges' faves pop star Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough. As with the other two couples, Nicole and Derek chose to perform their Argentine Tango. What can I say? It was excellent. Nicole and Derek's dances are always excellent, and Nicole has the perfect body for dance, period. Since I was tarred and feathered recently for expressing my personal opinion that a pro hip-hop dancer with years and years and years (did I mention years?) of training shouldn't be competing on DWTS, I'll refrain from further commentary (for now). Head judge Len Goodman said "THIS is argentine tango", while Bruno Tonioli praised it for its "rich, luscious, absolutely devastating intensity". Carrie Ann Inaba called it "a beautiful masterpiece come to life." So how will they rank? I'm thinking #1, despite the fact that Evan Lysacek and Erin Andrews have yet to even set foot on the ballroom floor, because that's the way it's gone during DWTS season 10.

The Dancing with the Stars finale continued with the couple who entered the evening in third place, Olympic gold medalist Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya, as they performed their deemed-favorite Argentine Tango. I loved this James Bond inspired dance the first time, and I loved it this second time. It was slick, it was smooth, and Evan was 100% large and in charge of Anna and the whole darn shebang. And their last lift? A-may-zing. Bruno said "you danced this Tango like a real lady killer", while Carrie Ann called the dance "true redemption". Len praised all of the DWTS season 10 contestants, and said "you just did a fantastic job, Evan".

The Argentine Tango fest concluded with the final contestant, ESPN's Erin Andrews and partner slash alleged boyfriend, lover, friend, love-hate-frenemy or whatever Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Their opening lift was amazing yet again, and the rest of the dance was solid. I don't know that it was as good as the previous two, but I adore Erin and give her major credit for getting out there and working so hard. Carrie Ann called it "very beautiful" while Len said that judging the three Tangos they just saw was the hardest job he'd ever had on Dancing with the Stars; he praised Erin for "coming the furthest from the beginning". Bruno called her "sexy" and "sophistocated" and called her growth "spectacular".

As the judges deliberated, Brooke kept the Dancing with the Stars 2010 finale going by interviewing the three couples in the Red Room. I was so nervous that I didn't pay attention to what they said. As predicted Nicole and Derek took 30, while Evan and Anna took 28 and Erin and Maksim got the bottom-feeding 26. Ugh, I'm so friggin' done with this season. And the kid gloves are off. The favoritism is sickening. Blech. But it's time to move forward: There's lots more action before the big reveal.

After a break, a taped segment featuring an overview of the entirety of DWTS season 10 aired. It included snippets of dances and judges', and the quote that inspired my now-famed dislike of Nicole Scherzinger: "I'm an artist. I'm not like other people." Give me a friggin' break, girl. Of course you're not like "other people". You're a pop star. Way to elevate yourself above us peons, though. It's a tip that belongs in a 'how to make people like you' self-help book.

Things improved markedly with the Dancing with the Stars finale as contestants Shannen Doherty and Aiden Turner and their partners performed, followed by the ever-adorable Buzz Aldrin and partner Ashly Costa cutting a 'Star Wars' rug. The night's dose of cheese came next as Bachelor Jake Pavelka danced with fiancee Vienna Girardi. (And Chelsie Hightower and Dmitry Chaplin were there, too.) That was followed by a segment featuring the so-called top five arguments of Dancing with the Stars 2010; earning the top moan 'n complain spots (from 5 down to 1) were Nicole Scherzinger, Aiden Turner, Jake Pavelka, Erin Andrews and Kate Gosselin (you know - the one when Tony Dovolani quit).

Tom meandered over to the Row of Champions next, and spoke with DWTS season 1 champ actress Kelly Monaco and fellow winner Olympian Apolo Anton Ohno. Kelly bagged on ex-partner Alec Mazo, deeming him "ice man", while Apolo expressed admiration of the season 10 cast. Across the room, the three finalists stood awaiting the first elimination of the night. Ouch. Pressure much?

Post commercial break, the Dancing with the Stars finale continued as Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy were named season 10's third place finishers. Erin should be so, so proud. She admitted, as she pointed to Evan Lysacek and Nicole Scherzinger, that she knew they'd be going "head to head" for the trophy. She said that she'd entered the competition in a "crummy" place and wanted to get her smile back, which she did. Maks called the experience "a roller coaster" and said "I feel like we've won". They finished their tenure on the show with their Cha Cha Cha, which was a nice surprise. Kudos, DWTS, for letting them have their last dance.

The DWTS college championship came to a close next, as teams from Purdue and Utah Valley took to the ballroom floor again to contend for their own Mirrorball Trophy. I was surprised to see Purdue competing, since they weren't the top scorer their week; go figure! Each time performed a short routine. In my humble opinion, Utah Valley clobbered Purdue in a big way, but you never can be sure when it comes to Len and the Gang. After brief deliberation, the Baby Mirrorball Trophy was presented to - ta da! - Utah Valley.

With 45 minutes to go in the Dancing with the Stars 2010 finale, the "most most talked about" celeb of the season, reality mom Kate Gosselin, spoke briefly with Tom and Brooke. Then a segment featuring several of Kate and partner Tony's many, many arguments aired. And then they danced. It was pretty awful, but I have to say that I really liked seeing Kate smile for real. She seemed to have fun, which was great. The ending in the cherry picker-thing was weird, but hey, whatever works.

Up next, the remaining competitors discussed their reasons for choosing their final dances: The Jive for Nicole, the Quickstep for Evan. (Basically, both of them wanted to deliver knockout dances. Duh.) After Brooke chit chatted with Evan and Nicole in their dressing rooms, more returning season 10 contestants performed. This time, it was jiggle fest with former Baywatch Babe Pamela Anderson, comedienne and self-proclaimed "weave on a stick" Niecy Nash, and some guys. I'm not even sure how to respond. The whole thing was just so fabulously trainwreck that it's hard to put a label on it. So I'll just say wooohoooo!

After yet another excruciating break, Nicole and Evan were lowered to the apparently dry ice-coated Ballroom floor in a giant round thing. (I'm serious. It was totally Iron Chef and cheesetastic. Jake and Vienna's Wings of Love dance was outcheesed.) And then: Final dances, baby! Finally, Dancing with the Stars 2010 finale action.

Nicole and Derek got things started with their spirited Proud Mary Jive. Great dancing, hideous expressions. (Go watch a recording. It's totally true.) Len said that she should be the winner (nice way to deflate Evan, you classless old coot), while Bruno called it "the best season of Dancing with the Stars ever" and praised the duo's "crowning glory of an amazing season". Carrie Ann also drooled a lot. Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough's Dancing with the Stars finale scores: 10, 10, 10 = 30.

The competitive part of the Dancing with the Stars 2010 finale came to a close as Evan and Anna performed their swan song: An I Want You to Want Me Quickstep. Evan's posture and hold are top-notch (thanks to skating, no doubt!). Bruno called him "dashing" and "sexy" and appreciated the development of his performance department. Carrie Ann praised them for winning her heart, despite Nicole's lead in point total. Len called him "a joy to watch". Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya's Dancing with the Stars finale scores: 10, 9, 9 = 28. What the fark? Throwing it for Nicole much? We can see your bias, Len and Bruno.

The Dancing with the Stars finale is getting long and wearing on me, and at this point, I just want this farce of a show to be over so they can hand the trophy to Nicole and I can focus on next season. As I sit awaiting the end of yet another commercial break, I have a sincere suggestion for the DWTS producers: Change the rules. Prohibit anyone who makes money by dancing from competing. It's isn't fair to pit someone like Nicole against Kate Gosselin, Aiden Turner and the rest of the season 10 cast. It's nothing but a joke and a farce, and as a long-time fan of the show, it's downright offensive to my sensibilities. At least if there were no professionals posing as amateurs, Len and Bruno wouldn't feel the need to downgrade a competitor to ensure that their personal favorite wins. Okay, break over. Time for the big reveal.

Finally. After the usual fanfare, Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough were named the Dancing with the Stars season 10 winners. Shocking. But whatever. Congrats to Nicole and Derek on winning the shiny trophy!

The Fall season awaits. Since I can't stay away, I'll be watching when it kicks off; will you?

Sources

Dancing with the Stars finale, May 25, 2010, ABC