'Dancing with the Stars' 2011 Semifinals - a Fringed Leopard, Daddy Cool and Little Miss Dynamite

"Dancing with the Stars" shimmied into the semifinals Monday night as the four remaining celebrities and their pro partners tackled two brand-new-to-them dances and a winner take all Cha-Cha. Which hoofers delivered clutch performances and which out it into park? Here's a recap.

Co-hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke got the semifinals started by welcoming glamified contestants Ralph Macchio, Chelsea Kane, Hines Ward and Kirstie Alley to the ballroom. They then explained the winner-take-all Cha-Cha, which would end up with one couple earning a whopping 15 bonus points. Aye chihuahua!

Up first to dance were Ralph and partner Karina Smirnoff with an Argentine Tango. Ralph struggled to shake his moneymaker during rehearsals. Karina criticized his bitty booty, and suggested he wear special underwear featuring a built-in bum. Whaaa? That's one of the more, er, interesting suggestions I've seen.

Their dance had a nice intensity about it, though there may have been too much of what head judge Len Goodman calls "bandying about" before it actually got started in earnest. Still, Ralph moved well and with plenty of passion. Looks like his bum knee feels better. (But really, a black velvet suit?) Goodman said "it didn't really smolder" but enjoyed the "sharp and precise" quality. Bruno Tonioli accused him of being "very stern" and said he had "the cold determination of an executioner". He called it "too flat in interpretation". Carrie Ann Inaba agreed with her colleague, and said that he needs to connect his dances from head to toe. Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff's "Dancing with the Stars" semifinal round one results: 8, 9, 8 = 25.

Kirstie and partner Maksim Chmerkvoskiy were up next with their Viennese Waltz. The tempestuous pair struggled during rehearsals as Maks pressed Kirstie toward perfection. (Nothing new there.) The actress called the week's competition "the ultimate challenge".

A markedly slimmer Kirstie sparkled in her barely blue and silver ballgown and she and Maks performed. There was a nice intensity to the dance. Bruno likened her to "a majestic clipper riding the waves going for the American Cup" and praised her underarm passes. Carrie Ann said she was impressed, and praised her for "bringing us into your own performance" in a "magical" way. Len said he'd expected her to be a "cling-on" to Maks due to the dance's "grueling" nature, but was pleased to admit he'd been wrong. He praised her "sweeping movement" and "rotation". Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkvoskiy's "Dancing with the Stars" round one results: 9, 9, 9 = 27.


Argentine Tango was the first flavor of the evening for Disney star Chelsea and Mark Ballas. During rehearsals, Mark remarked that Chelsea needed to be "100% on top of her game" to take the title and told her to "practice like a finalist". He got frustrated with her "dead weight"-like dancing, and she admitted that she hadn't been "remotely prepared" for the rigors of the competition.

The duo had some good intensity to their routine, but there was something oddly tentative and forced about some of Chelsea's motions. I've definitely seen her do better. It was good, but not oh-my-gosh-that-was-insane good. Carrie Ann began the critique by calling her "a fantastic dancer" but that "it was not up to par". She criticized her legwork and called it "not as dynamic" as it should've been. Len agreed, saying her "legs lacked a little bit of authority throughout the dance" but called it "clean" and "precise". Bruno likened her to "Sharon Stone" and said she had that "Basic Instinct in there but it was restrained", and called it "well done". Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas' "Dancing with the Stars" semifinal round one results: 9, 9, 10 = 28.

Last to compete in round one were NFL star Hines Ward and Kym Johnson. To keep up with the competition, Kym decided to employ some lifts that she'd never done before. As a result, she sustained a neck injury during rehearsals for their Salsa and Argentine Tango that sent her to the hospital and left Hines worried about her well-being.

Hines was totally the man in his black suit and white tie, and as usual, the duo's chemistry was smokin'. For a non-actor, he has an impressive ability to really get into the character of most of his dances. "Perhaps" it was a hit! A tearful Hines approached the judges for critique as Tom deemed them "a long way from Friday". Len declared "I was there in the club watching the story unfold" and likened the legs to "something from the Kama Sutra". Bruno declared "every emotion was out there for the taking" and then launched into one of his patented critiques, ending with "it was like good sex, you never want it to end". Carrie Ann tearfully addressed Kym to tell her that she was glad she was okay, and then turned to Hines and said that their connection was "beyond what we ask for in a dance routine". She called the performance "stunning". Hines emotionally told Brooke that "praise God that she's up walking". Hines Ward and Kym Johnson's "Dancing with the Stars" semifinal round one results: 10, 10, 10 = 30.

Before the second round got started with Ralph and Karina's Salsa, a taped segment featuring the actor, his parents, his wife, his kids and "Karate Kid" family aired. They all praised him for keeping his family as his main priority throughout his career. His "Karate Kid" mom predicted that he would "rise up" and be a star once again.

My first response to the duo's unabashedly 70s Salsa? I laughed. Hard. Karina's leopard print fringed cat suit with glittery red bra was one of the weirdest "DWTS" get-ups of all time, and Ralph macked hard as the chain-wearing pimp. Len called it "all too wild" and said it was "too hard". Bruno asked him if he's "wearing extra large diapers" and said he was too rough with his, uh, "pussycat". Carrie Ann declared "oddly, I liked it" and said she was impressed that he'd put on a "booty pad" and had such fun. Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff's "Dancing with the Stars" semifinal round two results: 8, 7, 8 = 23. Despite his lackluster scores, Ralph relished his "underdog" status and hoped his fans would pull him through yet again.

Kirstie's taped segment featured actress Kelly Preston, actor John Travola and other friends, who spoke of her drug addiction and her challenging past.

Kirstie and her bad boy partner followed up the pack with their Paso Doble. Both Kirstie and Maks were decked out in solid black, so it was hard to see some of her motions at times, but it was fine. Not as good as their earlier routine, but eh, still good. Bruno called it "Dance Trek 12: The Wrath of Kirstie" and noted "you were really going like a force of nature". Carrie Ann said she was "the queen of the Paso Doble". Len noted that she'd gotten two of the toughest selections and said she'd done "fabulously" well with both. Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy's "Dancing with the Stars" round two results: 9, 9, 9 = 27.

Chelsea's segment aired next, and featured her parents and one of the Jonas Brothers talking about her path to success, beginning with her Scottsdale, Arizona roots.

The beginning of Chelsea and Mark's Rumba was 100% drama, as the actress slinked her way foward draped in a long veil, which Mark removed aggressively. And the aggression continued. Along with being a decidedly sexy routine, it was also decidedly aggressive and intense. Carrie Ann appreciated the "full committment" Chelsea put into the dance. Len liked the "mood" and "natural hip action" and declared "tonight you have fulfulled your natural potential". Bruno said it was "a hypnotizing sequence of stunning shapes beautifully linked" and called it "stunning". Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas' round two scores: 10, 10, 10 = 30.

Hines and Kym finished up the second round with a Salsa, but not before the NFL star's segment. The pack revealed that Hines' mom had moved from South Korea to America in order to give her bi-racial son a chance at being fully accepted. During the pack, he shared memorable words with Kym: "You can crack or you can rise and shine. I like the rise and shine." Words to live by.

And then... Salsa, Kym 'n Hines style! He was all smiles and sass in his red shirt and suspendered black pants. Len said "you were scheming and I was beaming". Bruno called him "just beautiful, man" and praised his "versatility". Carrie Ann said "I can't even explain how much joy I get when you dance". Hines Ward and Kym Johnson's "Dancing with the Stars" semifinal round two scores: 10, 10, 10 = 30.

So that's it for the individual dance portion of the semifinal round. The show continued on with the final element of the semifinals: The winner-take-all cha-cha challenge. The first dancers to take to the floor were Hines and Kym versus Ralph and Karina. Hines had his smooth booty groove thang going from the get-go. Ralph and Karina's "Mustang Sally" bit was a little less tight. Len praised Hines for "looking good" and praised Ralph for giving it his all. Bruno declared that Ralph had "behaved extremely well in the cha cha" while Carrie Ann declared that Hines' hips "were in it to win it". To uh, no one's surprised, Hines and Kym were declared the heat one winners.

Chelsea and Mark went up against Kirstie and Maks during heat two. The younger pair worked it Chelsea and Mark style, with their usual committed intensity and style. Kirstie looked a little lost moments later when she and Maks took to the floor. This one has to go to Chelsea and Mark. I don't care how much the judges lurve Kirstie. Bruno called Chelsea "clean, sharp, precise" and "full of fun" while he praised Kirstie's "vitality". Carrie Ann enjoyed Chelsea's precision and Kirstie's sensuality. Len agreed with Carrie Ann. All three said it would be hard to pick a winner, but all three selected Chelsea and Mark.

So yeah, so far, it's been completely predictable. But it's about to change, as the couples received the music for the instant cha cha challenge: "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga. Then there was lots of confusion involving a coin flip gone wrong, and eventually Chelsea decided that she and Mark would dance second.

Hines looked a little more tentative than usual, but I loved his big smile and how much fun he seemed to have. Chelsea and Mark also had lots of fun, with the actress mouthing the words of the song throughout. Len praised both, calling Hines "daddy cool" and Chelsea "little miss dynamite". Bruno agreed, saying it was like "picking between diamonds and pearls". Carrie Ann asserted that both couples had "proven" themselves dancers tonight. In the end, though, Chelsea and Mark took the unanimous win and 15 bonus points.

So who gets the boot on the "Dancing with the Stars" semifinal results show and misses the finals by a single week? I'm guessing Ralph and Karina, based solely on judges' scores. Hines and Chelsea deserve the be the last two standing, and I doubt that Kirstie's fans will let her down now. But we'll have to see, won't we? Watch the results show tomorrow at 9 on ABC. Or you can just check in with me. You know I'll be watching.