Dancing with the Stars Fall 2010 Week 1 Spoilers and Predictions: Amazing 'Grey'ce, Bristol... Gosselin?

The Dancing with the Stars 2010 Fall season premieres Monday evening on ABC, and is set to feature fancy footwork by internationally recognized actor David 'The Hoff' Hasselhoff, Brady mom Florence Henderson, and 10 other celebs and their talented pro partners. DWTS week 1 will see the contestants tackle their first dances of the season; some will take on the spicy, quick-action Cha Cha Cha, while others will embrace their romantic sides via the Viennese Waltz. Who's going to dance what and how will they fare? Read on for some lighthearted Dancing with the Stars week 1 predictions from this super fan.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #1: Singer Michael Bolton and Chelsie Hightower, Viennese Waltz. When I think of Michael, I think 'older guy in dance shoes, unsure of what to do next'. I don't know why. Though he can belt a mean ballad, I'm not sold on his ability to dance to one. But we shall see. Week One Prediction: Middle of the pack.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #2: Comedian Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel, Viennese Waltz. Although 'Margaret Cho' and 'Viennese Waltz' sound odd when paired together, 'Margaret Cho' and 'Cha Cha Cha' sound purely disastrous, so it's a good thing she and Louie are taking on the former during week one. Will it be great? Doubt it. Passable? Sure, if she can maintain a straight face and avoid making it a humorous affair. Week One Prediction: Middle of the pack.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #3: NBA star Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke, Viennese Waltz. There's no Laker Love at our house, but that doesn't mean I can't be objective! Cheryl is an amazing teacher; she coached Chad Ochocinco all the way to fourth place just last season, so there's zero reason why she'd be unable to do the same with Mr. Fox. He just needs to harness his powers of Smooth and this dance should go a-okay. Week One Prediction: Toward the Top.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #4: Actress Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough, Viennese Waltz. JGrey enters DWTS week one with a few advantages under her belt. First, she knows how to dance. I don't care if she's 50; she starred in Dirty Dancing so we know she can shake it. Second, the indestructable Derek Hough is her partner. He's a great choreographer and an even better performer. If she can conjure up her powers of grace and elegance, she'll nail week one, and make a lot of the other contestants look really, really bad. Week One Prediction: Creme de la Creme.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #5: Actor David Hasselhoff and Kym Johnson, Cha Cha Cha. He may be an acclaimed leading man, but I'm just not sure I buy The Hoff as a convincing Cha Cha Cha'er; I'm worried he may well Cha Cha Choke. It all hinges on whether or not Mitch Buchanan can shake his moneymaker. Week One Prediction: Middle of the pack.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #6: Actress Florence Henderson and Corky Ballas, Cha Cha Cha. Why anyone thought it would be a good idea to give the seventy-something Brady Bunch matriarch a Cha Cha Cha as her first dance of DWTS season 11 is way beyond me. Is it supposed to be funny? I wish her the very best, but I'm not expecting much. At all. Week One Prediction: Near the Bottom, Babe.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #7: Actor Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer, Cha Cha Cha. I've never seen Kyle in action doing anything at all, so I can't say much about his chances. My guess? Week one won't be a moment of greatness for the Disney Kid. As a matter of fact, unless he can pull of some Cody Linley charm and a whole lot of kids stay up late to watch DWTS, he may well be the first to get the boot. Week One Prediction: Near the Bottom, Babe.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #8: Singer Brandy and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Viennese Waltz. Brandy has style and grace, and she knows how to perform to an audience. Oh, and Maks is hot. I'm expecting big numbers from this duo all season long, beginning with week one. They'll nail it, star-style. Week One Prediction: Creme de la Creme.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #9: Teen Mom Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas, Cha Cha Cha. I'm not going to refuse to vote for Bristol because she's Sarah Palin's daughter; I'm not sure why she's on DWTS, but it's irrelevant if she can actually dance. However, I'm guessing that she can't, and that her Cha Cha Cha won't go particularly well. And on top of that, I'm also guessing that the judges won't like her; after all, there have already been Kate Gosselinesque attributes applied to Bristol, which certainly won't help her cause. Week One Prediction: Near the Bottom, Babe.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #10: Reality Star Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani, Cha Cha Cha. I've seen my share of episodes of MTV's The Hills, and there's something truly cringeworthy about the melding of 'Audrina' and 'competitive dance'. I haven't yet had a gander of her in action, but I'm picturing something along the lines of what Shannon Elizabeth delivered a few seasons ago: A nice bod, but some seriously stiff moves. Week One Prediction: Middle of the pack.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #11: Reality Star Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino and Karina Smirnoff, Cha Cha Cha. This one's tricky to call. It could be either one of the hottest, steamiest, sexiest numbers of DWTS season 11, or it could be a completely cheesy disaster. Given the relative hotness of the parties involved, I'll go with the former and predict that Bruno will need to be hosed down after the last bar plays. Repeatedly. Week One Prediction: Either Creme de la Creme or Near the Bottom, Babe.

Dancing with the Stars 2010 Couple #12: NFL Star Kurt Warner and Anna Trebunskaya, Viennese Waltz. I love Kurt; he's seriously one of the best guys to play a professional sport. But he just doesn't look like he'd be a good dancer. At all. I'll hope for the best, but assume the worst going into the kick-off performance. Week One Prediction: Near the Bottom, Babe.

So there you have it: A few spoilers and predictions for Dancing with the Stars Fall 2010 week one. Tune in Monday night to see who tops the leaderboard!