Dark Alleys

Those deep blue eyes: mesmerizing. I couldn't help but get lost, couldn't turn away. I wish I did, who knew those eyes would bring me to hell.

Today was as uneventful as any other. I was standing behind the bar listening to some customer talk about the economy and the ever rising prices. Boring stuff, but hey I had nothing better to do, and no one better to talk to. I'm listening to this guy rant on when I get bored and start wiping down some glasses.I felt like I heard this before. All of it felt familiar, the slowness, the customers, the drinks. All too familiar.

The bell I put on the door to my bar, mostly for Christmas decoration that I haven't taken down yet, rang as the door flew open. I look up at the sound.

Impossible…

In walks a woman in a full, tan, trench coat wrapped tightly around her slender body. Her shoulder length blond hair hung delicately on her left shoulder.

It can't be her. That's not possible.

Without thinking, I rubbed the left side of my ribs.

A sense of passion, and dread was running ramped throughout every muscle of my body as she glided closer to the bar. I quivered as our eyes met. She smiled and headed straight for me.

"Do you look at all your customers like that?"

I hadn't realized my mouth was open. I closed it trying to compose myself.

"Sorry miss, you just reminded me of someone," my voice cracked.

"I see, I always remind someone of somebody, what's your name?"

She twirled a strand of hair between her fingers.

Those old feelings started rushing back all at once. Passion, intrigue, love…hate

"Are you ok?" The words slid from her tongue, the tongue of a snake.

"Richard and you?"

I just wanted to reach over and kiss her, hold her and never let go.

I wanted to strangle her until she was no longer breathing. This couldn't be real.

Pinch yourself, you must be dreaming.

As if in preparation for response, she stood up, put her elbows on the bar and leaned in close to my ear.

With the whisper of an angel, she replied in a devilish hiss.

"Rose"

Without thinking, I jumped back a step. I had to get a hold of myself. This can't be happening. The two customers talking about the economy looked up and said something. I was in to much of a daze to hear them.

I looked up and our eyes met for the second time.

Time ceased to exist, we were the only people in the world, and all that mattered was her.

Rose's smooth features wrinkled as she smiled at me again.

"I came here for you Richard. I've been looking for you. I need you. Something is going to happen and I need your help. You have to find me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Find me, there's not much time."

All at once, Rose had a look on her face as if someone just stabbed her in the back. She looked at her watch and ran for the door. I couldn't get my legs to work, stupid things right when I need you most you won't move. She's getting away, I can't let her get away before I tell her.

I forced my legs to work, and ran for the door. I walked out into the windy street and looked in every direction. She was gone.

The wind washed the tears away from my face.

"I love you," I whispered mostly to myself hoping she will hear.

"Please don't leave me again, I need you with me. Please don't leave me again."

"Please forgive me."

"I love you…my wife."

No, that was not my wife.

That was not my Rose.

Rose died three years ago, I watched her die.

The resemblance was haunting, who ever she was this was not funny.

I remember Rose vividly, as if I saw her yesterday.

I could never forget those eyes. As if looking into another world, beautiful and yet scary at the same time.

We were young and in love. Holding her was like a dream come true, an unimaginable bliss. We never fought, well not until…

There was this one time we came close to fighting, at the time we were both really mad. When we would think back on it later on, we always had a good laugh.

I came home from work one day to find her sitting at the table waiting for me. She had this look on her face like she was pissed off.

"I got a call today, from some bitch named Clarissa. Ring any bells?" She said.

"Clarissa, Clarissa… no. Should I know who that is?"

"She called here looking for you today, she said you were her lover and you had been seeing each other for about three months. Would you like to explain or am I gonna have to hurt you?"

I knew she would.

"That's ridicules, you know I would never cheat on you."

"Do I?"

"Well you should, I love you, you're my dove, and you're my wife. I can't believe you don't trust me."

"What am I supposed to think when I get this kind of phone call!?"

"Think what you want, I'm not going to stand by and listen to you say I've been unfaithful when I know I haven't!"

I stormed off before she could get another word in.

Later, after us both cooled down, we promised to never doubt one another, No matter what.

A promise that has cost me everything.

I closed the shop early after that whole situation. The weird thing was that no one remembered seeing Rose there at all, let alone which direction she ran off.

I walked my usual route home. A ghetto street filled with graffiti, drug dealers and dark alleyways. I didn't like it because it was a dangerous neighborhood I had to walk through but it was the fastest. Most of the time I get through without any problem. I was mugged once, horrible situation. I acted like a scared little girl, and the mugger made it his goal to point it out.

I walked past the alleyway that leads directly to the hospital. It was dark with some illumination from a street lamp. Old flyers cover the walls and old graffiti covered the flyers.

In the middle of the alley, a fight was going on between a man lost in his rage and a bum. He was beating the bum severely, with no sense of regret and no willingness to stop or slow down.

The man gave the bum a left hook to the jaw launching him across the alley. When the bum got up, I could see that it wasn't a man, but a woman.

This man, twice her size, was pummeling her and there was nothing she could do.

She looked up and cried out to me.

I will not help her, she deserves this. She was a dirty whore and she deserves to be punished.

Satisfaction rushed through every ounce of me.

The man throws this woman on the floor, face down. Grabs a fistful of her hair and lifts her head up. Our eyes locked for that split second before the man put the gun to her head and blew her brains all over the ground.

The body motionless, left there to rot. Blood and puss and chunks of brains are spewing onto the concrete.

I smile, justice is served.

I don't have time to worry about things that are none of my business.

My mind came back to the situation at hand. Rose

Lost in thought, I walked into someone. This person was standing in the middle of the sidewalk as if he was waiting for me.

Apparently he wasn't waiting for me because he seemed just as startled about me walking in to him as I was. His scream wasn't very comforting either. It seemed a little too feminine if you know what I mean.

"Oh my God! You scared the shit out of me. Why don't you watch where you're going?"

He still seemed a little startled, he made a very extravagant attempt to compose himself. With a loud, low grunt he cleared his throat, probably in the hopes to redeem himself from his scream earlier.

"Look I'm sorry, I just have a lot on my mind right now." I said

I had my eyes on the floor up until now. When I looked up, this stranger had a sinister look on his face. I think he noticed something, opportunity.

He took a step forward to close the gap. With something on his mind and a casual stroke of the air with his hands, he spoke again.

"Don't worry man, it's all good. Say do you mind if we talk for a little bit. I'm waiting for someone and I don't want to get bored."

This scene was going down an all too familiar road.

"No I'm sorry again but I need to get home."

I tried to walk past him, but with a surprising iron grip on my arm I was halted.

"I would really appreciate it," that sinister grin still on his face. His voice as firm as his grip.

"Why don't you just hurry up and mug me. I don't have time for this right now." I had to rip my arm from his grip, his fingers were cutting off the circulation.

"Mug you?" He seemed hurt by the question. "Why would I mug you, you are a bad judge of people Richard."

What the…

"What did you call me?"

His smile was getting impossibly bigger.

"Richard right? That is your name?"

Immediately I took the defensive route.

"Who wants to know?"

With a bow and a sixteenth century flare of the hand, the situation kept getting stranger and stranger by the moment.

"Claude is my name, and retrieving is my game. I also love to tell a good story from time to time."

This was getting annoying, he obviously knew something. I needed to find out what it was. Too many things have happened today for this to be a coincident.

"Tell me Claude, how did you know my name?"

I had to use every ounce of will to try and stay calm. Through gritted teeth, I waited patiently.

"Well, Richard, I was sent here to find you. I have to take you back."

So many questions came to mind, that I just asked all of them at once.

"Who sent you, why did they send you, where are you taking me?"

Eyes glistening like a kid in a candy store, Claude seemed excited to answer my questions.

"I was hoping I would get to tell a story. Let's see, where to begin?"

He paced around for a few minutes with his hand to his chin. I finally got the chance to take in his features. Claude was a light skinned man with a big build. Shaved head with a black beard over his face, he fit right in with his job description. His job was to hurt people.

I'm used to see guys like him all the time, hustling people for the money that was owed to their boss. All muscle and no real brain.

Despite Claude's rugged features, it seemed when relaxed that he expressed the personality of a child. Something was definitely odd about this man.

With all his boyish charm, he never betrayed his confidence in the work he did, in hurting people.

Claude jerked to a halt, "Ah ha, I got it!"

"The earlier today, my boss came to me and asked me to do a special job for him. He said he wanted me to do it personally because he knew I was his best man."

Claude stood taller with an attained self pride.

Suppressed frustration seeping through my teeth, I egged him on.

"Please, go on."

Claude nodded in acknowledgement.

"The boss what different though, I couldn't put my finger on it but he looked like he had seen a ghost."

He's not the only one.

"He said that I was to wait in this exact location, at this exact time. If I did as I was told then a man named Richard would show up. When I found this man, I was to bring him back to my boss. He said he was told that there wouldn't be resistance, however, I could use force if need be."

Does he really expect me to believe that his boss would know what time I would be here? That's impossible.

Claude continued.

"The last thing my boss said before I left was that you wouldn't believe what I just said to you."

That doesn't seem to make much sense

"Then why did he want you to tell me," I said.

Claude's face turned white, his eyes withdrawn. He was remembering the talk he had with his boss.

"My boss said it didn't matter what I said. What really matters is where he got the information….."

Deafening silence filled the alley.

"No I must not remember it right because what I'm thinking doesn't make sense."

"Just say it Claude."

Puzzled by what he was about to say, Claude spoke slowly.

"He said he was told by a dove and that you of all people would know what that means."

My hands folded across myself, my right hand covering my left ribs. I froze up. I didn't mean to freeze but it just happened. Information like that can do that to a person. Apparently, Claude noticed my reaction.

"Oh, so you do know what he is talking about. Well now I don't feel so stupid saying it. So I guess there will be no resistance?"

Absent minded, I shook my head from left to right. It was an involuntary reaction to his question, my mind was a world away.

This can't be happening. Rose I saw you die, I watched you die. How can you be doing this?

The memory of it all rushed into me. I have had that nightmare every night since it happened.

Three years have passed since the accident. Three years to get passed it, only for it to come back to me as if it just happened.

The news that night said that that was the most rain we have had in seven years. I was driving Rose and myself home.

Rain constantly ran down my windshield. It was getting more and more difficult to see.

Almost home.

I look over at Rose. Our eyes met and we shared a smile. She was so beautiful, I just wanted to look at her forever.

Those deep blue eyes: mesmerizing. I couldn't help but get lost, couldn't turn away. I wish I did, who knew those eyes would bring me to hell.

I turn to find we are seconds away from a head on collision with a semi.

No time to react.

The semi rips through my little compact car, slicing open my left side and shattering my ribs. Rose's torture was fortunately taken from me when a piece of metal hit me in the head and knocked me out.

My version of hell is what I awoke to. I was pinned down, pinched in between the steering wheel and my chair.

To my right I could hear the sounds of strained whimpering.

Dumbfounded and half blinded from the searing pain on my left side, I turned to find the cause of the noise.

Our eyes met again, only this time neither of us smiled.

A silent cry leapt from my throat as I gazed upon the blooding figure that used to be my beautiful wife.

A huge chunk of metal, stuck from a bloody cavity in her throat, stifled her cries as she desperately held on to life.

Her right leg was only hanging on by a piece of skin. Both her arms were broken, probably shattered. Her torso was littered with shards of glass when the windshield smashed in.

We gazed into each others eyes one last time as she took her last breath.

Those eyes once mesmerizing were now empty, void of life.

The worst part was that I was mad at her for leaving me. She was everything to me, all I had. How could she leave me like this?

Why did this have to happen?

Why me?

Why her?

Why now?

I have never felt so alone. I was a walking skeleton for the next year and a half.

When I finally went back to work, I realized I was being selfish and that it wasn't her fault what happened….

It was mine.

I am responsible for her death. I am the cause and the effect of my life. I fucked it up in that one horrific moment and now I have to live with it. How is that fair?

Claude snapping his fingers kicked me out of my trance.

"Hey you ok? I asked if there is going to be any resistance."

It took a couple of seconds for me to realize where I was.

"Yeah…um….I'm fine. Where are you taking me?"

Eager to finally be on their way, Claude motioned for me to follow him.

"You know Richard, you and I aren't that different."

You've got to be kidding me.

"What are you talking about Claude you and I are nothing a like. For one prime example, you hurt people and I don't."

Claude gave me this questioning look.

"Don't act like you have never hurt anyone. You are famous down here Richard. We all know what you did."

Screams of torment and pleasure flooded my mind. Images of dismembered body parts and bloody corpses flashed like and old movie through my mind.

I'll give Claude one thing, he knew when to stop talking.

He led me down some alleys I have never would go into during daylight.

Left, right, right, left, I lost track of where we were.

Claude's pace slowed when we went down an alley in between and apartment building and a church. This alley seemed to be lighter than all the rest.

A door opened on the right from the apartment building.

A man walks out from the building holding a shot gun in his hand.

He pulled the gun up and pushed the end of it into his chin.

The whole time he was laughing, laughing like a man gone insane. It was getting under my skin. I couldn't help it, I started to laugh with him.

Laughing only stopped when the man pulled the trigger and blew off the back part of his head. With a smile still on his face, he collapsed on the floor.

I took a step closer to the body.

How can this be…?

This man on the floor, the man who just blew his brains out, was no stranger.

He is…

He was…

Me.

This doesn't make any sense. Nothing has made sense all day. Everything that has happened so far, all the answers, I will find them when I find Rose

I was surprised and disgusted when Claude led me into a door to the church.

How can men like this operate in a church?

He took me into a back room where a single man waited with his hands clasped together on the desk.

He was an older man, light skinned like Claude. Full head of black hair slicked straight back. He was a little smaller than Claude but still bigger than me.

He was wearing an impossibly black suit.

"I have been waiting for you Richard. Come sit down."

He waved a hand to a chair in front of the desk.

"I'd rather stand thank you." I can't let him take control of the situation before I know what this is about. I touched my left side to remind myself of why I am doing this

"I suppose your right. We don't have much time anyways. So, how was the tri-"

"Who are you, what do you want?"

I was getting angry quick.

Claude was already restraining me when his boss motioned for him to let me go.

"The who is not important. The what, well that is different. I am here to help you. I am here to help you help yourself. I am here to set you free. Richard do you see that door to my left?"

He pointed with his index finger at a blood red door that I didn't really notice there before. As I watched the door, intense, warm, red light was seeping through the cracks.

I looked at the door, and then I looked back to the man sitting across from me.

"You came here to find Rose. She is through that door. All you have to do is go through the door and you will be with her."

I started walking slowly to the door. This was it, I was finally going to be reunited with my love. I'll get to continue where I left off. Tears were welling up in my eyes as I reached for the knob. Before I could grab it, Claude's boss grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"You can not open the door just yet. There is something you must do first. You must accept the past. You have to accept who you are and what you have done before you can enter that room. Come to understand yourself and you will have what you want."

The tears were beginning to blur my vision. I am so close and now all I have to do is understand myself. What the hell does that mean?

I turned to the boss but both he and Claude turned their backs on me.

Ok I have to think…think…come on fucking think.

All I can think about is that homeless woman who was killed earlier. I smiled again to myself.

I've got it!

I understand now, what I saw, the sounds in my head. The memories are all flooding back.

I understand. I remember.

My wife didn't die in a car accident.

She died in our home, when I shot her in the head.

I remember it vividly now, coming home from a trip early to find her with another man.

My rage consumed me, I wasn't the same person anymore. Richard was gone.

I killed the man she was with first. He wasn't important. Right when I walked in, I slit his throat with a knife from the kitchen.

Before I could bring the knife around to my wife, she kicked off the bed. I flew and hit my left side on the corner of the dresser. It ripped me open and shattered a few of my ribs. I was too lost in my lust for blood to care about my physical pain.

I ran on top of Rose before she could get away. I gave her a left hook to the jaw with knocked her out. I tied her up to the bed so that I would have more time to give her what she deserved.

For the rest of the night, I devoted my time to hearing her scream in pain. I cut off her fingers and toes. After that I found satisfaction in just stabbing her repeatedly.

She trembled with the intense amount of pain. I kissed her quivering lips, and whispered to her softly, "I have always loved you and I always will, forgive me."

With a rush of accomplishment, the bullet entered her brain and sent the rest of it across the far wall.

I have blocked this memory for the past three years.

I am responsible for Rose's death.

It is my fault I am in this hell.

Why should I deserve any less than what she got?

I have given up my soul in order to appease my anger.

I don't deserve to live.

I look at the wall next to the red door and I see a shotgun sitting there.

In a trance, I pick up the gun and turn the knob of the door, and walk through.

The door seemed to lead in to nothingness. All there was was black, emptiness. In the center of my visions, was Rose. She was waiting for me, calling me to her.

She pulled me close, kissed my quivering lips and whispered into my ear

"I have always loved you and I always will. I do not forgive you."

I laughed, laughed like a man gone insane. Last thing I remember was looking into her deep blue eyes as I pulled the trigger and ended it all.

Those deep blue eyes: mesmerizing. I couldn't help but get lost, couldn't turn away. I wish I did, who knew those eyes would bring me to hell.

Hell is where I belong.